Finally Home

33. Jenna

Tyler sat reading the police report that the doctor had brought. His eyes filled with tears as he read witness accounts and what the driver had said.

He looked at Samantha and then at me again. And then back at Samantha.

He didn't say a word. He just sat and looked at Samantha. He held her hand, he sang to her. He apologized to her.

"SaSa sleep," Rosie said.

"That's right, Rosie," I said. "Samantha is sleeping."

A tear rolled down Tyler's cheek.

At dinner time, I took Tyler and Rosie back to the hotel. Josh and Debby were going to stay with Sam overnight.

As usual, it was nearly impossible to get Tyler to leave, but his doctors had said he needed all the sleep and rest he could get. And considering the nightmares he kept having, there was no way he would get adequate rest in Sam's room.

"Dada," Rosie said. "Come home. We have dinner."

She took Tyler's hand and Tyler looked at our small daughter. Tears formed in his eyes.

"No be sad, Dada. SaSa sleeping."

"Jenna," he said. "Please take her."

I picked Rosie up. She put her head on my shoulder.

"Dada sad," she whispered to me.

"I know. He's sad because Samantha is sick."

"SaSa no sick. SaSa sleeping," Rosie said.

"Well, Samantha got hurt and the hurt is making her sleep. And Daddy's sad because Daddy thinks it's his fault Samantha is hurt."

"Dada, no be sad," Rosie said. "SaSa sleeping. SaSa no sick."

Tyler shook his head.

We got back to the hotel and ordered room service. Tyler wouldn't eat in the restaurants. He felt everyone blamed him for the accident. Even people who had no idea who we were or what had happened.

After we ate, I gave Rosie a bath and put her to bed while Tyler lay on his bed in the bedroom.

"Samantha slept here," he'd said the first night we could take him 'home'. "I gave her the bedroom so she could have privacy."

"I bet she appreciated it," I said.

He nodded.

"She had so much fun at the game. And when she got to meet the teams."

He'd cried after that. For hours. I'd sat up with him until he fell asleep.

After I put Rosie down I went and sat with Tyler for a few minutes. I'd rub his back and try to reassure him still that we don't hate him. That we don't blame him.

"Jenna, you should divorce me," he said.

"Tyler," I said, sitting down. "Do you remember our wedding vows? Do you remember me promising to stick by you through the good and the bad? Well, I'm not going anywhere. Sam will get better. You'll see. And if we can't convince you that it wasn't your fault maybe she can."

Tyler shook his head and closed his eyes. I looked at his arms. I didn't see anything to be concerned about.

Once Tyler started drifting off to sleep, I went into the living area and called Sarah.

"Hey Jenna. How's it going? How's Sam?"

"The same," I sighed. "It's Tyler I'm worried about. He blames himself for the accident and that hasn't changed."

"Poor Tyler. Did he get to read the police report? What about the psychiatrist?"

"He's read it. He's still not convinced. He's not self-harming, so that's a good thing."

Just then my call waiting beeped.

"Sarah, I have to go. Josh is calling from the hospital."

I hung up and picked up Josh's call.

"You need to come back to the hospital. All of you," Josh said.

"Is everything okay? Is Sam okay? What happened?"

"Just come back. Now."

I woke Tyler up and told him we were needed at the hospital. He got a panicked look in his eyes but he got up. I gently woke Rosie up and grabbed her blanket and carried her to the car while pulling Tyler along who was mumbling and crying.

I got Tyler into the car and Rosie into her car seat and sped off to the hospital.

As soon as I parked, I ran out of the car and to the elevator. Tyler followed behind me, slowly.

"SaSa no sleep, Mama?" Rosie asked, her head on my shoulder and in a sleepy voice.

"I don't know Rosie. I don't know why Uncle Josh called."

I waited for Tyler at the elevator and we went up to Sam's floor. I ran down the hallway, worried that something had happened. Josh met me outside Sam's room.

"What happened?" I asked panicking. "What happened?"

"I think you should see for yourself," Josh said.

I handed Rosie to Josh and went into Samantha's room. Something was different. Something was missing. I looked at Samantha and tried to place what was different.

"Sam, hey," Debby said from beside Samantha's right side. "Your mom's here."

I looked at Samantha and watched as her eyes opened. Her eyes opened and she looked right at me.

"Mama," I heard a quiet, raspy voice. It was that instant that I realized what was missing. The ventilator. Samantha wasn't on the ventilator. She was awake! She was talking! She was breathing on her own!

I ran to her side and wrapped her in my arms.

"Samantha!" I cried. Tears of joy. Samantha was awake!

"Mama?" She repeated.

"Yes. Baby. It's Mom," I said, tears pouring down my face. "Hi honey."

"Dad?" She asked, looking around. Tyler wasn't here.

"He might be outside. One minute, and let me go see, okay?"

I got up and went into the hallway. Tyler was standing across from the door to Sam's room. He looked terrified.

"Tyler, it's okay. Come in. You have to come see Sam."

He shook his head. I took his hand gently in mine and pulled him into the room.

He tried resisting but I pulled him in anyway. He started crying and I tried to reassure him it was okay.

He reluctantly walked into Sam's room, but he wouldn't look at her.

"Dad?" Samantha rasped.

Tyler looked up at Sam, pretty much launched himself at her and broke down into tears, sobbing as he apologized over and over to her.