Finally Home

72. Jenna

I didn't sleep anymore after Tyler called to say Sam had run away from the hospital. I got dressed, ready to leave at a moment's notice if I heard anything or Sam came home and needed to be taken back to the hospital.

I couldn't sleep while my daughter's whereabouts were unknown. Not in a snowstorm.

Rosie woke up about six o'clock, so I got her dressed and fed and basically also ready to go at a moment's notice.

"SaSa sleeping, Mama?" She asked.

"I don't know, RosieRo," I said.

Rosie frowned.

"SaSa cold," she said.

I looked at Rosie.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Is cold. SaSa cold. SaSa sleeping."

Could Rosie feel that Samantha was cold? That just didn't make sense. But then there was just something between them that Tyler and I could just not explain.

My phone rang and it was Tyler.

I told him Samantha wasn't home and he said she'd been brought, unconscious, back to the hospital. Since Rosie was up and fed I told Tyler we were coming. I grabbed Rosie's diaper bag and packed her into the car, driving quickly but carefully through the snowstorm. Nothing would stop me from getting to my daughter.

At the hospital, we asked for information and waited. Josh and Debby came rushing in a little after me. Tyler told me they'd been out looking for Sam.

The doctor eventually came out and told us that Samantha was unconscious still, and may have frostbite. That they may have to amputate some of her fingers and maybe the tips of her ears. I wanted to cry. How much more could this child lose?

Once Sam was transferred upstairs, we were told her room number and went immediately to be at her side.

She was pale, buried under blankets, a hat on her head, an oxygen mask on her face. She looked like she was asleep.

I picked up her hand and held it.

"Sam," I said. "What were you thinking?"

"SaSa sleeping, Mama."

I put Rosie up on Sam's bed and watched as she snuggled up to her.

"Is hot, Mama!" Rosie said, feeling the blankets. I took Rosie's jacket off and her sweatshirt.

"Better?" I asked her. She smiled at me and then curled up into Samantha.

She lay there patting Sam's arm for a good hour before the warmth of the blankets lulled her to sleep, too.

A nurse came in to check on Sam, make some adjustments to her I.V., and tell us what was being done.

"She's got warmed air in her oxygen mask, the warming blankets and the I.V. fluids are also being warmed slightly. She's not in a coma, but she's unconscious, which isn't uncommon. She may sleep for a few more hours or she may wake up soon.

We worry about brain damage, and we'll assess that once she's awake and aware."

"How likely is brain damage?" I asked.

"It varies from person to person. Sam wasn't out in the cold for that long, really. So far as we know. She was unconscious though, by the time paramedics were called. So we don't really know how long she was out for."

I sighed. Sam was supposed to go back to school in a few days. Now we didn't know if she'd even be able to keep up anymore.

We thanked the nurse and continued waiting and watching.

As the day wore on, Samantha remained unconscious. We kept praying and talking. Josh and Debby stayed. Josh texted Brendon who called Tyler and asked him to put his phone on speaker near Samantha.

He implored her to wake up.

Around seven in the evening, Samantha started to stir. Rosie had woken up a few hours earlier and was playing with Josh and Debby.

"Mama?" I heard Sam's small voice say. It was how she woke up every time. And I don't know if she's calling me 'Mama' or if she's looking for her birth mother. But she seems fine once I start talking to her.

"Hey, baby," I smiled at her, sitting on her bed.

"Hi SaSa!" Rosie said. Everyone came and sat around Samantha. Sam looked around at us and the room.

"Where am I?" She asked.

"You're in the hospital, sweetheart," I said.

"Oh. Why?" She asked.

"Well, what do you remember?"

"Coming to get stitches, then... I don't remember," she said. But I wasn't sure.

"You were found unconscious in a bus shelter, Samantha. You ran away. Why?"

Tears formed in her eyes.

"I didn't want them to take me away again," she said.

"Who?" I asked.

"DCS," she whispered.

"Sweetheart," Tyler said, sitting on Sam's other side. "DCS wasn't coming."

"But the doctor said he'd be right back. And last time he came back with a social worker and took Rosie and me away. I didn't want this doctor to do that too. So I decided to try to walk home. But the snow was falling so hard I got turned around. And then I got tired and cold, so I lay down in the bus shelter for a short nap."

"Sweetie, the doctor brought back discharge instructions and wound care notes. We would have been home already," Tyler said.

Sam frowned.

"But..." she couldn't articulate what she was thinking.

"SaSa no cold," Rosie said, smiling at her sister.

Sam smiled back at Rosie.

"Sam, what happened at the other hospital was a mistake. It's not going to happen every time you wind up in the hospital.  You are our daughter. Legally."

Sam sat up and hugged Tyler, then hugged me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so dumb to leave without a coat or without talking to you," she said.

"Sam, I know it's hard for you but you have to talk to us when you feel things like this," Tyler said. "We're here for you, sweetheart. We don't want you to hurt so much. But we can't help you if you don't talk to us."

"I know," Sam said. "But I'm still not really used to it."

"To what?"

"Anyone caring. I know you do, and I love you guys. But I'm still not used to people caring about what happens to me."

"Sam, we know how hard things have been and how that makes some things now harder for you. But we're doing our best and you're working really hard at overcoming things from your past. So it's okay, really, that you still don't know how much you can tell us or trust us. So, just remember, we love you, we will always love you, and we're here for you," Tyler said.

Samantha looked away, probably a little embarrassed that she'd run without thinking or talking to us. Or waiting to see what was happening.

We knew where it stemmed from and we knew to be patient. We had 13 years to undo.