Finally Home

95. Tyler

We ran into Samantha's room. She wasn't there. The continued expletives were coming from her bathroom.

I knocked on her door and carefully pushed it open. Samantha was on the floor, sitting up against the sink cabinets, crying and swearing. Beside her was the broken pieces of her water glass.

"Sam, what happened?" I asked, rushing to her side.

"I think it's pretty fucking obvious," she fumed, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so useless I can't even brush my own damned teeth without falling over!"

"Oh, sweetheart," Jenna said, coming to Samantha's other side. "Are you okay?"

We looked around at the glass on the floor. I didn't see any blood.

"I'm fine," Samantha spat out. "I'm just great."

"Come on, let's get you up so we can clean up the broken glass," I said, extending my hand. Samantha wouldn't take it.

"Come on sweetheart," Jenna said. "Let us help you up and I'll clean this up."

Samantha burst into tears.

"This isn't fair!" She cried. "Why? Why did I have to lose my leg? Why can't I figure out my own damned balance!?"

"You will," I said, wrapping her in my arms. She leaned into me and continued to sob. She was still mourning. Of course she was. She was learning her limits now that she was out of the hospital where we had had more resources than we had at home.

I looked into her shower stall and wondered if we should get a bar installed so she could pull herself up from the shower chair. But that may be  premature.

I held my daughter as she cried. I picked her up and carried her to her bed. Jenna cleaned up the glass and came into Sam's room carrying Sam's crutches.

I let Samantha rage and cry for a few minutes. Brendon poked his head into her room.

"We heard a crash. Everything okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"Everything's okay. Thanks," I said.

"Sam? You okay?" He asked.

Samantha didn't answer him. She clung to me, her sobs slowing.

Brendon came in and sat beside me on Sam's bed.

"Hey darlin'," he said. "What's all this about?"

Samantha turned her face into my chest and curled into me. My heart broke.

"Shh. Sam," I cooed. "It'll get better. You'll work on it in physio."

"Why do I have to work on it at all? Why do these things keep happening? What's next? Am I going to get decapitated?" She cried.

"Oh," Brendon said. "Sam, no one knows why things happen the way they do. But you're so loved by everyone in your life, no matter what, we're here."

"Uncle Brendon?" Samantha asked.

"Yes, darlin'?" He asked, stroking her hair.

"Do you believe in Karma?"

"That's a tough one, sweet girl. I don't not believe in karma," he said.

"Well, do you think if my mom hadn't stopped Stanley, that she'd still be alive? And none of this would have happened? Do you think I'm being punished for my mom protecting me?"

"Oh. Darlin'," Brendon said, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her. "I would hate to think karma would be so cruel. Sweetheart, if your mom hadn't protected you, you wouldn't exist anymore. I wouldn't have gotten to know this amazing young woman I get to call my niece, honorarily."

"But you wouldn't have known I ever existed. So you wouldn't miss me. And I would never have been such a burden on everyone."

Brendon held her at his arm's length and raised her chin to look at him.

"Samantha Joseph," he said somewhat sternly. "I do not ever want to hear you say you're a burden. You are not a burden. Everyone learns something from you every time they are with you. You are an important part of this big family. Your sisters adore you. Your parents adore you. I adore you. My life would be so empty without you in it. You. Are. Not. A. Burden."

He pulled her back into a tight hug and I saw tears flowing from his eyes.

Samantha's sobs renewed and I just sort of sat there. Awkwardly.

Brendon broke their embrace and looked Samantha in the eyes again.

"You will navigate this new world, Samantha Joseph. And we're all here. Rooting for you and ready to help as much as we can. However we can."

Samantha nodded, hugged Brendon again and then turned to me and hugged me tight, again.

"I know I can't make this easier for you, or better for you. But I will do my best, sweetheart. And I want you to have all the same opportunities with one leg that you had with two. Trust me, okay?"

She nodded and hugged me again.

"Dad?" She asked.

"Yep?"

"Can you come help me brush my teeth?" She sighed. I smiled at her.

"Sure," I said, helping her stand up and, using one crutch, and leaning on me, we hobbled to her bathroom. She leaned on me as she brushed her teeth and I smiled up at her. And it struck me right then.

My daughter is taller than me!