Finally Home

85. Jenna

Tyler went to make some phone calls while I stayed in Sam's room and sat, waiting for her to wake up, if she was actually asleep.

Debby texted and asked if they should bring Rosie by.

"Doc says we need to sort of, force visitors. Sam needs to know that people still love her. So, expect to be screamed and yelled at, but come in. Brendon and Sarah too. Rip off the Bandaid so to speak. She'll be angry, but enough is enough."

"Are you sure?" Debby asked.

"Yes."

Debby sent a thumbs up and said they'd be by in an hour.

I looked over at Sam, whose eyes were open. She was staring out the window.

"Hey there, sleepyhead," I smiled at her. Sam didn't turn her head or look at me. She didn't acknowledge me. I sighed.

"Sam," I said.  "I know you're upset. You're grieving. But we're still here and we're not going anywhere. We love you. Your friends love you. Your family loves you. Your grandparents and aunts and uncles want to come see you."

Tears filled her eyes.

"I don't want to see anyone. I don't want anyone to see this," she mumbled, indicating her leg.

"Sam. No one cares if you have one leg or three. They love you."

She snorted.

"Sure they do. Imagine how great my team is gonna be when they find out I'm never playing basketball again.  Coach isn't going to keep me on a team I can't participate in any way."

"Sam, your coach had you help coaching. Until you can get a prosthetic, I'm willing to bet she'll keep you on."

"Why? I'm dead weight. We already have a team manager. She doesn't need two."

"Samantha Joseph," I said. "Who came up with the strategy against Northern? Who helped plan strategy against Columbus Prep?"

"That was before," she said.

"Before what?" I asked.

"Before I became a big lump of useless flesh."

"And what makes you think you're useless?"

"Are you blind? I'm missing a whole ass leg! It's not like I can just put my crutches down and manage for a minute."

"Learning to do things differently doesn't mean you're useless."

"You don't understand," she said.

"You're right. I don't. Because I'm not facing this from your perspective. But I'm still your mother. And I will be by your side through everything. Dad, too. We love you. Samantha, we love you and we're going to always love you."

Samantha scoffed. I sighed.

Tyler came back in and sat on Samantha's other side. She grabbed a pillow and covered her face. She still refused to look at us.

Tyler didn't say anything. He just looked at Samantha.

The nurse came in to check Sam's blood sugar and her lunch was brought in. Tyler brought the lunch over to Sam and pulled her pillow off her face. She hadn't been expecting that, so she hadn't been holding it tightly.

She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.

"Eat your lunch, Samantha," Tyler said, sternly.

Samantha didn't move.

"I said, eat your lunch, Samantha," he repeated.

Samantha tightened her scowl and her crossed arms.

Tyler stood up and walked out of the room.

Samantha glared towards the door.

"Sam, come on. You've got to eat," I implored her.

She didn't move. I sighed. I moved over to the bed and uncovered her lunch. Macaroni.

"Sam, do you want me to feed you?"

She looked at me with such anger in her eyes. I was taken aback.

"I'm not a baby," she seethed.

"You're acting like one," I countered.

"How about you lose a leg. Then tell me how you feel."

"I imagine not much different than you do right now. But I don't know. All I know is we want you to get better. And your fighting everything and everyone isn't helping you heal."

"I don't want to heal," Samantha said, tears springing to her eyes. "I want to die."

"Oh, Sam," I said, climbing on the bed with her. "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do," she said through her tears. "I don't want to be here anymore. Stanley should have finished what he started."

"Samantha!" I exclaimed. "You don't mean that!"

She broke down into tears. She was crying almost as hard as the day we told her about her leg.

"Why is this all happening to me?" She cried. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh sweetheart," I said, wrapping my arms around her. "I don't know why this happened to you. I don't know why you've had so many setbacks and things happen. But it hasn't changed how much Dad and I, your sister, your friends and family, how much we all love you. I know this is hard to deal with, baby.  I know you're hurting. But we're here. And we'll be by your side all the way."

Samantha cried for a few minutes and when she was done, sat back and contemplated her lunch.

"Mom?" She said in a small voice.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can we get something else for lunch?  That looks really gross."

"Samantha, if you're going to eat without argument, I'll get you lobster."

"No thanks, but can I have a hamburger?"

"You can have a hamburger," I smiled.

I texted Tyler since I had no idea where he'd gone.

"Sam wants lunch but not what they brought her. Can you get her a hamburger and fries?"

I waited for Tyler to reply.