Finally Home

88. Tyler

I stormed out of Samantha's room when she shouted at me to shut up. I would never, ever hit anyone, but my nerves and my patience were shot.

I know Sam isn't herself. I know she's mad and scared and sad, but she's pushing my limits. I went for a walk to cool myself down. I didn't want to say or do anything that might make things worse, so I left.

I was walking along the streets outside, just breathing and trying to calm myself down. Josh and Jenna kept texting but I was ignoring them for now. I just needed to think. To breathe. To just not be Sam's Dad for a few minutes.

I will never regret adopting Samantha. Honestly, I don't think I could have ever imagined loving a kid as much as I fell in love with Samantha. And then Rosie. And now the new baby.

Samantha is an amazing, bright and resilient person. I know that. And that's what's making this so much harder. Because this is that much harder for her to overcome. This is permanent. This isn't something she might outgrow or something that can be easily medicated to keep in check.

I read through the texts from Josh and Jenna. Mostly asking where I was and if I was okay. I quickly texted them back and said I was fine. Just clearing my head. I told them I'd be back in a few minutes.

"You look like you've got a lot on your mind," a voice interrupted me. I looked over and saw a man sitting on the bench at the bus stop.

"You could say that," I said, stopping.

"Got a kid in Nationwide?" He asked.

"Yeah. My daughter," I replied.

"She okay? She gonna be okay?"

I sighed. That was a complicated question.

"Oh," he said with sympathy. "She terminal?"

"Oh! No! She'll be okay. It's just," I sighed. "She's just dealing with a lot right now and it's hard. On all of us."

"Mind if I ask what she's in for?"

"She, well, she had an infection in her leg, which she broke in a car accident in October, and it turned out that there were blood flow issues. They had to amputate her leg. She's having a tough time dealing with it. She's scared and angry and just... I just don't know what to do to help her."

Why was I telling this complete stranger all this?

"Ah. How old is your daughter?" He asked.

"Sixteen," I replied.

"Tough age at the best of times," he said.

I nodded. Sixteen was hard for me, too. But I didn't have to deal with the health and physical issues Sam does. Of course, mental health issues count as well and at 16, mine wasn't great either.

"You love your daughter?" The man asked.

"Of course I do!" I said.

"Good. It's obvious the way you answered. I've spent a lot of time learning about people and I can tell when parents are not thrilled to be parents. Sometimes when things get tough or their kid gets seriously ill , some parents are able to just disconnect and disappear. It's never good for the kid. Rarely good for the remaining parent or the parent who abandons his family. But some parents, they just have that ability. Probably never really wanted to be a parent in the first place. Or, they expected a perfect kid and got one that didn't fit into their plans."

"Sam wasn't planned at all," I said.

"Ah. Teenage relationship?"

"No!" I said. "I'm sorry, that came out much harsher than I intended. No. We adopted her three years ago. She was our foster kid," I said.