Finally Home

86. Tyler

Samantha wants a hamburger and fries. Part of me wants to say no. I'm just so angry. Not really at her, but I'm not impressed with her current attitude. I get that she's hurting. I get that she's grieving. But she's being counterproductive to her own well-being and I'm tired of fighting her on everything. I needed a break. I was about to lose my cool.

I'm angry because I can't make this better and nothing I say or do seems to help her anyway. I feel so useless.

But Jenna said Sam wants a hamburger. And if that means she'll eat without fighting, I'll get her a burger.

I went down to the cafeteria and ordered food for Sam and Jenna. My stomach was in knots, so I decided I'd hold off on eating.

With the food ready and paid for, I went back up to Sam's room.

"A burger for you," I said, putting the plate in front of Samantha. "And a Diet Coke. A sandwich and water for my beautiful wife."

Jenna thanked me and I sat in the chair on Samantha's left side.

"Nothing for you?" Jenna asked.

"I'm not hungry," I replied.

Samantha ate her hamburger and some of the fries. She ate. That's all I cared about.

Around two, Josh texted that he had arrived along with Debby, Brendon and Sarah. And Rosie of course. Sam was dozing, because she was still on some powerful medications. I told the four of them to just come into her room. Enough was enough. Doc said to force her to have visitors. And so we would.

"Hey," Brendon said, as they came into the room. "How's she doing?"

"Well, she ate lunch without a fight. Eventually," I said.

"We talked," Jenna said. "She's grieving, but maybe she's starting to turn a corner?"

We talked quietly while Sam slept. Rosie kept going over and looking at her.

"Mama, Sammy napping?" She asked.

"Yes, RosieRo. Sammy is taking a nap."

"Me too!" Rosie exclaimed and climbed up on the bed, curling up to Sam. She dozed off just a little.

When Sam started stirring, everyone sat up.

"Hey there, Darlin'," Brendon said, coming to sit on her bed on her left side.

"What are you doing here? I don't want to see you! I don't want to see anyone! Get out!" Sam shouted.

Brendon grabbed her and held her in a tight hug.

"Let go! Let go and get out!" Samantha raged, pushing at Brendon, trying to push him away.

"No," Brendon said, tightening his hug, tears flowing down his cheeks. "I'm not letting you go. We came out here to be with you. To see you. To help however we can. I'm not letting you go."

Samantha kept raging and fighting against Brendon. Brendon held tight to her, crying as his heart broke for our daughter as well. Eventually, the fight went out of Samantha and she sobbed into Brendon's shoulder as he hugged her and cried with her.

"It's okay, sweet girl. It's okay," he purred.

They sat like that for a while until Sam stopped crying. Or, at least stopped crying so hard. She sniffled as Brendon held her and rocked back and forth.

"We've been waiting days to come see you!" Brendon said, once Sam had calmed down. "As soon as we heard, we came here for you. To be here for you. Because we love you, Samantha Joseph. We love you and we don't care that you lost your leg. We care that you're you. We want to see you grow up and be who you're meant to be."

Sarah sat up on the bed more or less where Sam's leg would have been. I grimaced.

"Sam, everyone loves you. We all love you still. We want you to be happy, and we know you aren't right now. But we still love you. You are amazing. You've overcome so much. You'll overcome this, too," Sarah said.

Samantha wiped her eyes.

"An' I love you 'cause you my big sister. And you fun. And you play piano and with my toys with me. And you fight alligators in my playroom."  Rosie added. Samantha actually smiled at that.

"Look, you're feeling down. You have things to consider now, and adjustments and learning how to navigate a world you weren't prepared for. But isn't that what you've been doing since you wound up in your mom and dad's backyard?  Learning to navigate the world in ways you weren't prepared for?" Brendon said.

Samantha nodded.

"This is one more navigation. It'll take time and yes, it sucks big time. But you're Samantha Joseph. You're unstoppable."

Samantha shrugged. She wasn't quite convinced but she'd stopped screaming at everyone.

Tears came easily for Samantha right now and she started crying again. Brendon wrapped her in his arms.

"You'll see. You'll heal and figure out your new world. But you're going to be okay."

He kissed her on the head and held her while she quietly cried.

"I want my leg back," Samantha said quietly. "I don't want to have one leg."

"I know, darlin'. But that's not possible. So now you just have to rock this new reality. Show the world nothing will keep you down."

"I don't want to. Why does life have to be so hard? Why does my life have to be so hard? I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of fighting life."

Brendon held Samantha at arm's length and looked her dead in the eye.

"That is not an option. I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You're upset and facing a huge change. We get that. But Sam, leaving wouldn't affect just you. Look around this room and ask yourself how the people here would feel if you weren't here anymore. Imagine never coming back to California. Imagine what your parents would feel. From the minute you landed in their backyard, you've been their kid. Even before it was legal and official. They've nearly lost you more times than any family should. And they have never left your side willingly. You're not dealing with this alone. Everyone here, and those who love you but aren't here right now, will help you navigate this new life. You're not alone."

Samantha hugged Brendon and cried some more. My heart was still hurting for her. We would be there of course. I just hurt with how much she was hurting. How sad she was and how there was very little I could do to make this better for her.