my lover poets

i'll be proud when...

I can say i'm proud of myself when...
I found the one.
I found the boy i can say i will love until my last breath.
the boy I have been dreaming of since I was 14 years old.
that boy I have found.

but I still won't be proud of myself.

I can say it when...
I buy the house i've always wanted with the man I love.
decorating to our liking,
making it feel like home.
i've been planning it since 15.

but I still won't be proud.

I can say it when...
we buy a dog together.
our eyes both going crazy over one.
I told myself this since 10 years old.

but not yet.

I can say it when...
I give birth to our first child.
my soul mate crying once it touches my arms.
the beautiful newborn has my nose he always loved,
his eyes I could never stop looking into.
my 15 year old self would be proud.

oh, but not quite yet.

I can say it when...
i've knocked off every romantic wish off my notes app.
I've added to it almost every week somehow, since I was almost 15.
I only ever shared it with a few.
the dancing in the rain must be done.
it's the first one that has always come to mind.
I hope to remember it.
oh, but the day our kids ask about how we met.
I can promise I could talk about it for hours with every little detail.
oh, but the days our children always ask how me and their father are so in love.
because I want that love that never diminishes.
it only gets stronger and stays strong...
until our last breath.

oh, but one more.

I can say it when...

I travel the world with my soul mate.
going to every location him and I have always dreamed of going.
we will make it.
capturing every moment is who I am,
so it's what i'll do with every single location checked off.
i've been wanting that since 15.

now do you believe me when I say genuine, romantic love is all I genuinely want?

so after these moments that are so fucking precious to me,
I'll be so fucking proud of myself.

only then will I say,
I'm so completely, fucking proud of myself.