my lover poets

she wanted it.

the first thing she craved was to wash every little detail of her body.
everything he had touched, 
she scrubbed until it hurt.

but no one cared about that.

they questioned every reason she had not reported it,
the second she got away.
and once those words got around...
everyone questioned it too.

every little detail mattered,
in the court.

she had never wished to look him in the eye.
but she had to.
it was insisted she went to court for what he had done.
or what she said...
he had done.

she remembered every little detail,
but he only seems to remember any little action she had done,
to give him the right of way that night.

he told them how she bit her lip.
everyone nodded.

she moaned throughout.
no one dare thought it was something a woman's body would do no matter what. 

she had never told him to stop.
but he covered her mouth.

her underwear choice was perfect that night,
and so was her bra.
he told them it was basically lingerie that stuck to her body that night.
she only wanted to feel confident.

he said over and over,
she asked for it...
begged him really.

but she didn't.
she had begged and begged to stop.
but he didn't listen.

and every little thing he said,
hurt her more than she thought.
she had learned that only his evidence really mattered.

not one fucking person had ever asked why they even called that sex.
but she did.
every time she heard that word in the courtroom,
she wanted to scream,
correcting them,
that it wasn't sex.
it was rape.

no one seemed to notice the little smirks he gave her.
not one.

and when it was her turn,
she had told every little detail of that night.
she started crying in the first few seconds she sat up there.
that didn't seem to matter.

she noticed every little nod in approval or belief,
and every little detail they didn't believe a word she was saying.

in the end,
after only a day in court,
they didn't believe her.

the tears immediately hit her in every part.
she saw the wide grin across his face,
hugging people everywhere.
her lawyer tucked her head against her chest,
whispering i'm sorry over and over.

and before she left the court,
he winked and smirked at her.

she vomited on the spot.

she would never forgive herself for not doing better.
for not saving more girls he will sure assault soon.

but she wanted it.
apparently,
she begged for it.