RED [dallas winston]

seventeen

'forgetting him was like tryin' know somebody you never met
but loving him was red'

     the store manager had gotten used to harley wandering the isles. he had stopped asking her if she was gonna buy something or needed help. he wasn't sure why she showed up. 'i'm here because it's where i feel my dead boyfriend.' wasn't exactly casual conversation. harley visited everyday, then every week, and slowly every month.

     "it's been a year today dal. i miss you so much. i keep seeing things that remind me of you, i guess your still being an asshole even from the dead huh. i'm doing okay though, i worked my ass off for this scholarship. i drove all the way here from college, pretty crazy. i'm gonna become a paramedic, i remember the paramedic that day, she hugged me till i stopped screaming. she definitely deserved a raise, and i'm gonna be just like her. i still feel the void, everyone told me that without you it would feel normal but so far it doesn't. i still have nightmares about it. maybe one day ill move on, i'm sure you would want me to, but i have no intention on that. i'm focusing on me for now, and my career for us. i tried to celebrate our birthday but it wasn't the same, its funny how one year can change everything." she paused looking down at her feet, "i love you dallas."

harley got home later that day. she hadn't been in her childhood bedroom since she left for college. she wandered to her room and stared at the chair in the corner. on it was dallas winstons leather jacket. he left it there the last time he was at harley's house. she examined it for a bit longer before picking it up and slipping her arms through the sleeves. harley noticed a picture sticking out of one of the pockets and curiously pulled it out. it was a photo darry took of harley and dallas before he left for work on their 18th birthday. harley was smiling holding a birthday hat trying to place it on dally's head as he leaned away. she smiled a small smile but a tear rolled down her cheek. she went to slide it back in the pocket when she noticed writing on the back.

'dear harley,
im not sure when i'm gonna give you this but i found it in darry's room when i was looking for a pack of cigarettes i'm pretty sure ponyboy took from me. i've been carrying it around. i don't know if you remember this day but it was probably the best birthday i've ever had. the party was mediocre but the good part was when i blew out my candles with you. that night i hoped birthday wishes were true because i wished that i could blow out my candles with you every year.'

harley felt hot tears fall from her face uncontrollably. and she dropped the photo watching it twirl a bit before it hit the ground. they had the same exact birthday wish, except harley knew now birthday wishes were fake, because she was facing the fate of never having a birthday with him ever again.

harley put her hand deeper into the jacket to pull out another picture. it was the photo he took on homecoming. harley unfolded it to reveal the full photo. steve and evie were clung together as per usual, next to them stood sodapop who was gagging and harley who was laughing, beside them was two-but sticking up two fingers to form bunny ears behind harley, and lastly ponyboy and johnny who were smiling at the camera.

harley almost laughed remembering evie accusing her of liking dallas that night, and how she denied it. harley traced the folds where dally had folded it so only harley was visible. "how long did you keep this in here?" she asked looking up, partially expecting an answer from dally. "there's no way he has had this since homecoming is there?" she asked, this time to herself. "he kissed the redhead after homecoming there's no way he liked me then. god i wish he was here to tell me." harley said slumping on her bed. she wished she could forget, but she couldn't and instead she cried into the jacket. she let out one last longing sob for dallas winston.

____

     "knock knock!" sodapop said whilst actually knocking, opening up harley's door.

     the girl shook her head groggily. she had fallen asleep on her bed, still in dally's jacket. it still smelt like cigarette smoke and harley slipped her arms out of it, quickly slipping it back on her chair as if to preserve the memories.

     steve filed into the room behind sodapop and looked down at the jacket before looking back at harley sympathetically. "come on." he said sticking his hand out towards harley. she smiled weakly, grabbing his hand as he pulled her up. the three of them exited the small home. harley couldn't help but think about all the times dally had made the same walk from her room to the front door.

     the drive wasn't quiet. nowadays, harley didn't want to be able to hear herself think, she was uninterested in crying again. at nineteen years old, harley valentine did what nineteen year olds did. she followed wherever the loudest music was. so on the ride to the cemetery, the three teens sang to the music blasting from the car radio. sometimes sodapop would hit a bump too fast and almost send harley and steve through the windshield, it felt just like before everything fell to shambles. it was easier when it was just harley, steve, and soda.

     harley's smile dropped to a frown when she heard the opening of car doors. she exited slowly taking deep breathes as she did. she kicked rocks whilst walking almost as slow as she could. she wasn't prepared to see it. to see johnny cade on his knees in front of the grave. the poor boy idolized dallas for whatever unknown reason. harley had reason to believe dally idolized johnny just the same, johnny was the bravest person either of them had ever met. and now brave johnny cade had yet another thing to deal with, the loss of his idol and best friend. ponyboy curtis had a solemn look on his face that harley couldn't quite read. ponyboy wasn't as close with dally as johnny was, so harley assumed he was having trouble trying to understand his sad feelings. darry looked up when he saw harley and gave her a small wave and smile, before looking back down. from the looks of it, it seemed darry was talking to dally through thoughts.  two-bit cracked open a beer and set it next to the headstone, "i got one for you buddy." steve and sodapop pat harley on the back before kneeling beside the grave to say their own words to dally. harley however stood still and looked at the sky. the sky was growing grey with clouds in the distance. it was probably going to rain, just like the night harley and dally practiced for the rumble. it was stupid how everything traced back to him. maybe, harley secretly wanted it to. she was scared of forgetting him. but she would never forget him. she couldn't if she tried. he was all over her mind in burning red.