Help || Hwang Hyunjin

SIX

Someone gently walked into the drab room, bent down, plucked the compass from my hands and hurled it, sending it to the other end of the room before taking me in their embrace.

I opened my eyes to see who it was and perhaps felt even more emotional at the sight of the boy.

"Hyunjin?" I asked, not trusting my eyes completely.

"It's okay", he said and hushed me like I was a little baby in his arms while he caressed my back in the most comforting manner.

At that moment, I sincerely thanked God for bringing this boy into existence. In just two days he had supported me so much. Was it just that he was so altruistic by nature or... was there more?

My sobs were still the same. Neither did they grow louder nor did they go down. I was still in his embrace, now clutching on to his shirt but consciously not resting my head so that the cloth wouldn't get wet.

Realizing the situation, I began feeling flustered and quickly fixed some distance between me and Hyunjin.

"Hyunjin...", I started, "thank you for always coming to me when I need help but you know, you don't have to do it. You don't always have to help me. You can choose, yeah?"

"I know," he replied immediately, "and I choose to help you. No one is forcing me. I' just doing it out of my own will so don't worry about that."

"You know, you can be really sweet," I smiled.

He noticed how I smiled through the tears and gave me a pained expression.

"Do you remember what I told you in the bus?" he asked and I just looked at him without any response or reaction.

"You can always tell me if there is anything bothering you", he said to which I just smiled. Could I actually tell him about my eating disorder? What if he isn't emotionally strong enough to listen to what I have to tell him? Would he really help me? Was it worth telling him? What if I ended up causing him too much pain? I didn't want to hurt him. He was too pure to hurt.

"I don't know if you'll want to hear it or not, Hyunjin," I sighed, "it's nothing family-friendly. I bet you have your own troubles to cater to. Besides, there isn't a single soul who knows exactly what I'm going through. You don't need to waste your time and energy on something as trivial as this."

"Well, after seeing your state when I entered the room, I am starting to believe that this is far from trivial," he said through a bitter smile and I managed to chuckle at that.

Would I really be able to free myself off this burden? I didn't want to think of it like that either. If I was freeing myself from my own burden, I was basically being selfish while being cruel to Hyunjin.

Almost as if he heard my thoughts he said, "There is nothing wrong in seeking help. Everyone needs help at some or the other point of life. You can't try to be independent all the time. If you try to continue to hide your feelings behind that mask, you'll eventually end up with hurt, regret or both."

I was surprised at his wise words. Though it wasn't the first time I was listening to any of this, it made a lot more sense when it came from him, from Hyunjin.

I was getting ready for something that I was doing for the first time in my life. That something was big. I had never told my trouble to people in this manner before.

I took one big breath before explaining every single thing that had happened in the past year. I even took my phone and showed him a picture that was taken two years back. Then, I nearly weighed 15 kilos more than I did now. He was surprised at that. All this time I was scared that he would judge me the way I thought people would if they saw who I was back then and whom I was now, but he just listened. I was starting to freak out when he only listened without any response or expression. His face was too hard to read. As a matter of fact, I was good at reading people but Hyunjin seemed to be a vey complicated boy. It wasn't simple to read him.