The Setup » [lashton] √

2.5

3 months later

The thing is, it was more of that.

And Luke blamed himself for a long time afterwards, because in the end, it was him that gave up. On Ashton, on them, it was a position he'd never expected to find himself in and yet, that's exactly where he was. Calum and Michael who were still friends with them both, had even admitted they were proud of Luke, which was something Luke himself could not, even now, find the courage to say or feel.

Despite the fact that the writing was on the wall when it came to the never-ending cycle they found themselves in.

They would be going along well, as in love as ever, date nights, phenomenal sex and getting to spend every other day with a person who was rapidly becoming his best friend. Luke had let them get comfortable, settle into a routine and then he would broach the topic, 'can we tell people?'. And the first time Ashton had conceded, and they told Michael and Calum. Then they were going along well again, just as well as before, if not better, so after some time had passed Luke broached it again, this time it was a resounding no. So Luke had given him more time, and things had gone back to normal, Ashton was somewhat distant at first but the gap had closed again and they had gotten back to normal. He'd asked once more, and he'd gotten a no again.

Luke knocked on Calum's door, standing out in the cool night air and fighting the urge to wrap his arms around himself.

A tired and confused Calum pulled the door open tentatively, clearly unsure who he would find on the otherside, "Oh, what are you doing here?" he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, pulling the door open the rest of the way open to let Luke in.

"Ashton and I had a fight, I was at his place and the trains stopped hours ago," Luke told him sadly as he shuffled inside, relishing the warmth.

"Did you walk here?" Calum asked, quickly glancing at his phone to check the time, "it's nearly two in the morning, that's so dangerous," he scolded as he lead Luke toward his room.

Luke sighed, "I know, I just needed to get out of that apartment,"

The other nodded to himself, as he riffled through his drawers, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before handing them to Luke, who started to get changed.

"Do you want to talk about the fight? Or do you just want to go to bed?" Calum asked, and Luke sighed thinking for a moment, Calum must have assumed he wasn't going to say anything because he continued, "does he still not want to tell anyone else?"

As Luke pulled up the sweatpants, he nodded, "I thought when he agreed to tell you guys, we were moving in the right direction, but it's been over a year, we had our anniversary at home last month, which would have been sweet if it had been by choice," he pulled the t-shirt over his head and made his way to the bed, aware that Calum was watching him in a way he knew was pitying.

"Do you think maybe..." Calum trailed off as he climbed into the other side of the bed, but Luke knew what he was going to say, they'd had this conversation before.

"I don't know Cal, I really don't know," he sighed again snuggling under the covers, Calum turned the lamp on his bedside off and climbed in behind him.

They were quiet for a while, Calum's arm wrapped firmly around Luke, "Maybe we get a place together next time our leases are up," he proposed quietly.

"Yeah," Luke said equally quiet, trying to keep the sadness from his voice, "that's a nice idea,"

Everything else was left unsaid, the 'then you won't have to be alone', the 'I can protect you better here'. Calum had mentioned in passing before that maybe he'd been wrong about Ashton and Luke, that maybe they might have reached the end of their tether, but he had never told Luke that he should break up with him. Michael had been less subtle at times but he'd never really said it either.

"You know I love you right? Michael too?" Calum said quietly.

Luke nodded, "I know, I love you both too,"

There was another long silence between them and Luke thought they were going to sleep but Calum spoke again, "do you think you'll sort everything out tomorrow?"

"I don't know Cal,"

When he'd woke the next morning it was to an empty bed and a text from Calum saying he'd see him that night if he wanted to, and to text him when he was up. Which he'd done and then he'd replied to the texts from Ashton asking where he was, and agreed to meet him at his apartment after Lunch.

Luke unlocked his front door, hoping he'd made it before Ashton so he could have a snack, he'd bought a coffee on the way home from Calum's but nothing in the cabinet had looked good. However, when he opened his door it was to Ashton sitting on one of the kitchen stools across the room looking at his phone, his head rising when he heard Luke.

"Thought you'd be here," Ashton said as Luke toed his shoes off, "did you stay at Calum's last night?" He asked taking in Luke's appearance, Calum's jeans and hoodie clothing his long form.

"Yeah, trains weren't running here, and I wasn't spending $50 on an Uber," he said sipping at his coffee and debating if he dared come any closer to Ashton or if it was best their conversation was conducted from either side of the room.

"You could have put it on my card," he said, and they looked at each other both knowing that would never have happened. There was silence lurking in the room as if a separate entity from either of them, something physically between them and Luke sighed, "I'm sorry," Ashton told him, almost as a reflex.

"I know," Luke said, the silence was back, beat after beat, Ashton clearly not knowing what else to say, "I love you," he told him feeling a lump forming in his throat.

"I love you too," Ashton said quietly, and Luke felt as though he knew where Luke was going, a man standing resolute for his own execution. 

"So much," he said, tears forming in the corners of his eyes, "but I can't do this, I thought I loved you enough to wait... however long I had to," the tears fell now, "I'm sorry," he said swallowing thickly, "I can't do this," he brought his hand to cover his mouth, holding back a pitiful noise.

Ashton nodded, no tears but a furrowed brow and far off look in his eyes, "that's fair," he said with a solemness that made Luke sure there was no 'but' or 'please' to follow. "I'll bring by your stuff tomorrow if you want?" he asked and Luke looked back up, Ashton had shifted looking as though he wanted desperately to come closer but they stayed on their opposite edges of the room.

He nodded, "yeah, maybe- maybe we can grab a coffee, sort things out a bit better," the thought made him sick but he smiled anyway, feeling it dislodge more tears, "I'm gonna go to my room, um, you should-"

"Not be here when you get back?" Ashton offered.

Luke nodded quickly and made his way to his room, readying himself to send a voice note to his group chat with Calum and Michael, there was no way he'd be able to explain it over text and he had a feeling that Ashton would let him tell them first.