The Setup » [lashton] √

Epilogue

5 months later

Considering he'd been the one to do the breaking up, Luke had cried a lot, which made him feel guilty and wrong, which had made him cry more. It really wasn't Ashton's fault, there were still good reasons to not want to be out of the closet, he knew that. Even now, as comfortable as he was he would sometimes get stares that lasted too long and have to think, why? and then he would realise it was because he was holding hands with Calum or even just because of the way he'd sometimes dress. 

He'd gone and seen Ashton the day after they'd broken up, he'd had to bring Michael with him because it was the only way he'd manage not to cry. They'd exchanged belongings at a coffee shop near Michael's and even during that Ashton had been looking over his shoulder to see who was watching, and when he and Michael had made it back to his he had cried for far too long. Michael had tried to comfort him and Luke had tried to explain how much the panicked glances hurt him but instead he had blubbered in the other man's arms without saying much of anything. 

There'd been no contact between them, Luke was sure there was still a button-up of his at Ashton's, and he knew for a fact he had a pair of quite expensive boots that had once belonged to Ashton in his own apartment. But neither of them reached out to return or look for anything. 

But then there had been Chantelle, which was a kick in the guts, Luke would admit that. It also made him feel worse, had Ashton never really been interested in men? Had Luke tried to push him out of a non-existent closet, or worse was Ashton retreating so rapidly he'd sworn off men all together? At that point, they'd only been broken up a month, but Luke had said it was fine if Calum invited Ashton to a house party Calum was throwing, there'd be that many people, surely he wouldn't even see him. But he had, and he'd introduced him to his new girlfriend as an old friend, and that had hurt.

He'd cried in Calum's bed that night, Crystal drunk and rubbing his back, as she offered ineloquent reassurances until Calum arrived. Who told him he had no idea Ashton was going to bring her, and that he was sorry. 

So he spent the remainder of the evening and much of the next day being reassured that he had done the right thing breaking up with Ashton, and that if he wanted to pretend he had never dated him and go back to dating women then that was no reflection on Luke. You can't fix people, they are what they are, and they'll change if they want to, Michael had told him. And hungover the next day they all discussed the possibility that what Luke and Ashton had been was what Ashton had referred to is as to Michael, 'one of those things you try when you're young'. But Luke satisfied what little guilt he could by telling himself that Ashton seemed happy, and he doubted they would ever be so close again that he would ever know otherwise. 

But... Ashton had reached out, like an alcoholic to his sponsor he supposed, he told him he'd 'fallen off the bandwagon', and to be fair he was drunk when he'd told him this. Which was a different sort of disappointing, because the reason he'd answered the phone in the first place was that he'd thought Ashton was drunk and calling to tell him that he still loved him. Which of course, was a sick thing to want, but having your ex-boyfriend call you and instead tell you that he had cheated on his girlfriend with some guy at a bar, after insisting he had been wrong when he'd dated you and that he wasn't even remotely interested in men. That was soul crushing. 

So he'd met Ashton at his apartment, because the older man had locked himself out, and he found the spare key and let him in. He'd practically carried him upstairs and to say he regretted it was an understatement, the apartment was exactly the same, so familiar and yet now it had women's underwear in the laundry hamper, and makeup and skincare on the sink. Someone else's shoes at the door, and a leather jacket that was much too small for Ashton hanging on the coat rack. She was everywhere, in all the places Luke had never been allowed, because what if people got the right idea? They had argued over if Luke could have a drawer in the dresser for a week before Ashton had conceded, and she had her entire shower routine in the bathroom.