Desire Me

12- Tear Stained Cheeks

"Lucia?" I call out as knock on the door of her apartment again without a response, "is something wrong?"

Fear suddenly clutches at my chest as the silence persists. I have been careless, showing my feelings for Lucy to the world. At this very moment she could be paying the price.

Before I kick the door down, and risk terrifying Lucy because of a simple misunderstanding, I call Marco.

I know that he and Amanda are going out tonight, just like I was supposed to be with Lucy. Maybe she can give an insight into what's wrong, if anything is.

Maybe Lucy has simply grown tired of me.

Maybe she needs some space.

Maybe she's been taken and needs me.

Marco answers on the third ring, "Boss."

"When I fucking call, you answer on the first ring, got it?" I snarl down the line, letting my own paranoia control my temper.

"Si, Boss. Io sono spiacente."

"Where is Amanda?" I demand, "I must speak with her."

"S-she's right here, boss."

I hear the interference of the phone being passed to Amanda and then her French accent fills the phone line.

"Hello?" She says, her tone full of uncertainty and nerves.

"Is something wrong with Lucy?" I demand, slightly softening my tone when speaking to Amanda because I recognise that I don't want to piss Marco off in regards to his woman.

Amanda sighs deeply and sucks at her teeth, "she not answering?"

"No. Is something wrong? Is she in danger? Is she hurt?"

"No, no, no, nothing like that." Amanda sighs before continuing, "Lucy gets very down before her period. Not just PMS, properly depressed. I knew I should have stayed with her..." Amanda rants guiltily before trailing off... "she said she was fine."

"How can I get to her?" I ask, if Lucy is in the apartment alone and depressed, I need to be with her.

"We have a spare key kept at reception, give the code 8018 and they'll give it to you."

"Grazie." I reply before hanging up and walking over to the elevator. Just before I press the button, I hesitate and walk back to the door.

"I'm not leaving you, Lucia sweetheart, I'll be right back."

True to my word, I'm back outside the apartment door in under 5 minutes. After opening the door, I call out to Lucy so as to not startle her.

"Lucia, sweetheart. I'm just here to check on you and then if you want me to go, I will."

Still no reply.

Sighing, I rub my palm down my face and then take a deep breath. I've never had to do the boyfriend shit before, and I feel totally unprepared for it.

Sex?

I can do that.

Date nights?

I can do those too.

Arms deals and gun fire?

Unfortunately, those are second nature to me too, but playing the boyfriend?

That's something I have no idea how to do.

Walking towards the bathroom, I find the door slightly ajar. Pushing it open, my eyes quickly scan for threats, an occupational hazard, and then I find Lucy laying on the tiled floor, tears coating her cheeks.

Instinct takes over me and I slowly make my way onto the bathroom floor next to Lucy.

Leaning my back against the bath, I reach across and lightly lay my hand on her shoulder.

Lucy startles and finally seems to realise that I am here, but still she doesn't move. The tears which were dried on her cheeks, start to flow again.

"What can I do?" I ask, helplessly as her shoulders shake with sobs.

When she doesn't answer, I remember that I am not good with my words, but I am good with my hands.

Instead of doing what I usually gets me praise with my hands, I gently lift Lucy into my arms and rest her against my chest.

Her tears soak my white shirt as we sit in silence on the bathroom floor, my hand gently stroking up and down her back.

After a while, her crying stops and her breathing evens out. Once I'm sure she's sleeping, I awkwardly stand from the floor and carry Lucy into the sitting room.

Settling down on the sofa, careful not to jostle Lucy, I stare down at her peaceful face, and try to work out what I can say when she wakes to make her feel better.

She rests for over an hour before her body shows sign of returning to consciousness. When she opens her eyes, she sighs heavily and collapses her head into my shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" She groans, her voice hoarse from crying. "I'm not in the mood for sex."

Sighing, I realise this is going to be so much harder than I ever thought. Right now, the darkest thoughts Lucy has about herself are in control and calling the shots.

Reaching her is going to be almost impossible.

"Lucy, I'm not here for sex." I say softly, "I'm here for our date."

"Why?" Her voice is little and small, fragile and vulnerable.

"Why? Well I asked you out last night and now I'm here."

"No," lucy sits up and wipes the tears from under her cheeks, "why are you here with me?"

"Well, Lucia, sweetheart, because I want to be. Because I like you and I think what we have is special."

"Oh please," she scoffs, "I'm not good enough for you, so please just decide to walk away now, save us both time."

Sighing, I gasp her face in my palms, staring deep into her eyes.

"Come on now, Luce, don't tell me you think that poorly of me."

She shrugs, "it's just basic probability. Every relationship, every crush, every boy I've ever liked has broken my heart and walked away, clearly it's me. I'm broken."

"No," I shake my head as brush my thumb over her bottom lip, "you're not broken, sweetheart, no one has treated you right yet, that's all."

"Yeah and," Lucy sniffles, "what makes you any different?"

"I, sweetheart," I stroke a strand of hair from her eyes, "I'm here to treat you right. To show you what love should feel like, to show you that you're not broken, that every time a boy has broken your heart, it was them who wasn't worthy of you, not the other way around."

Lucy lets out a low sound, a whimper mingled with a sob before a dim smile shines out of her perfect, Cupid bow lips.

"Thank you for staying, for being with me."

"Always, Lucia. I will always be here for you when you need me."