Desire Me

22- I can't stay

I gently lead Amanda up the stairs to our apartment as she leans some of her weight on me.

"We're going to get you into bed," I say softly as I open the door for her, "and you're going to have a little rest, ok?"

She nods but says nothing before she walks into her room. Not wanting to leave her alone in this state, I follow quickly. I find her sitting, staring at a wall as the tears roll down her face.

When I close the door, her eyes land on me and she begins to weep.

"Y-you, you can't tell Marco." She pleads, "he'll hate me, he'll blame me."

I don't reply, sensing that this particular moment is not the right time to start dissecting the truth or her relationship with Marco.

"Come on then," I gesture to the large pj top I'm holding, "let's get you into bed."

She stands, her face numb and vacant, but allows me to undress her slowly until she's just in her panties. Pulling the top over her body, I smile softly at her.

"Into bed then," I say firmly as I pull back the covers, remarking the way she has begun to shiver and shake.

Amanda offers no protest, she follows my orders like she needs them to keep going. Tucking her in, I look at her tear stained face and sigh. She still has mascara and makeup streaked across her face and I know how much she would hate that if she knew, so I walk into our bathroom and find her skin care products.

Sitting by her side on the bed, I gently wash her face and go through her skincare routine. She doesn't say anything but I can tell from the way she moves her face from side to side so I can reach easier that she's grateful.

"You get some sleep now." I bend down and gently kiss her forehead before walking from the room and gently closing the door.

It's been three days now and Amanda still hasn't spoken or moved save for going to the bathroom. I have been so worried about her mental state that I have hidden every sharp object in the house under my bed, and I haven't left her alone either.

Amanda's phone buzzes with another phone call from Marco, reluctantly I answer it.

"Amanda?" Marco asks, he sounds surprised she's picked up after so long.

"No, it's Lucy." I say, "sorry but Amanda needs some space right now."

"Why?" Marco demands, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Do I need to come over?"

"No! No, nothing like that. Just some... family stuff."

"Oh, well tell her to call me." Marco replies before hanging up the phone before I can reply again.

These Italian men really need to work on their manners. Enzo hasn't reached out to me since our fight apart from sending me a car to go to my lecture this week. A part of me worries that we've broken up and I just haven't realised yet.

Amanda's shadow in the doorway makes me jump in surprise.

"You're up." I say, stating the obvious.

"Yes, who was that?" Amanda's voice has lost all its fire, all its fight, all its joy.

"Marco."

She sighs and sinks down onto one of the bar stools, hiding her face in her hands, "that's what I was afraid of."

Frowning in confusion, I wonder why she is afraid of Marco calling her, but I know not to push further while her mental state is so fragile.

"Can I have my phone, please?" She asks, holding her hand out.

I nod my head and pass it over to her, saying a private prayer that she's calling Marco to talk to him. I feel bad for the guy, he's lost something he never even knew he had and Amanda definitely needs someone to hold her through the night right now.

"Maman?" Amanda says, "je doit retourner à Paris. Je vais tu dire quand je suis là. Je ne peut pas rester ici en ce moment. Parce que je ne peut pas maman! Ce tu plaît!"

Amanda begins to cry again and I move around the counter to hold her close to me. Rocking back and forth, I attempt to hear what her mother is saying, but its too  quiet to make out.

"D'accord." Amanda finishes before she hangs up the line.

Turning to look at me, she smiles tearfully.

"I have to go home for a while." She explains, "I-I-I can't stay here right now. I need to take some time."

"It's ok Ames, I think it's a really good idea."

Nodding her head, Amanda gets up and walks into her room. I follow and watch as she begins to pack up her room.

"Will you tell Marco?" I ask tentatively as I help her to pack.

Her head immediately whips up to look at me before she sheepishly shakes her head.

"I can't... not yet... I'm not ready to have him hate me..." she trails off and her words are so quiet, I can barely make them out.

"Just tell him it's a family matter."

Sighing, I nod my head, "of course. Whatever you need me to do, but you will tell him eventually, won't you?"

"Oui eventuellment." She replies before zipping up her suitcase.

"A car should be waiting for me downstairs to take me to the airport. Amanda says abruptly as she carries the suitcase out into the living room.

"Already?" I exclaim in surprise, "how?"

Amanda shrugs nonchalantly, "my father has some connections here in Italy who are helping him out."

"Oh." I mumble, it seems like everyone in my life now has more wealth than I could ever dream of.

"I'm really going to miss you." Amanda mumbles as we hold each other tight.

"You take care of yourself ok?" I say with a squeeze, "promise me!"

"I promise." Amanda says with a tearful chuckle.

Giving her one last squeeze, I hold the door open for her, watching as she walks down the corridor without a backward glance.

Closing the door once more, I move through the empty apartment and sink down onto the sofa, unsure of what to do with myself other than have a little cry.

A knock echos through the apartment making me jump up and move over to the door. Hoping it's Amanda coming back for one last goodbye, I throw open the door.

"Enzo."

A/N

How sorry do we feel for Amanda right now?

And just how mad are we at Enzo??