Desire Me

13- A Web of Lies

As another text from Enzo pings up on my phone screen confirming our date tonight, I realise how lucky I am to be with him. Even though we are yet to put labels on it, I know how he feels about me.

Amanda walks in with a face full of sadness and nerves. Instantly, I put down my moisturiser and hurry over to where she is slumped on the floor by my bed.

"What? Amanda, que se passe-t-il?"

She begins to sob, hunched over and clutching at her knees.

"Je-je- je suis... oh god. Je suis enceinte."

Her voice is so low, so quite that I can hardly hear her, but when she repeats it again, louder, I know that I heard her correctly.

"Is it... Marco's?"

Amanda let's out a choked sob and nods her head. She still hasn't lifted her head up from against her knees.

"Oui."

Finally she lifts her head up and leans on my shoulder.

"I-I don't know what to do." She admits weakly and then looks to me for guidance.

"Well, tonight you are going to have a bath and a face mask, then we'll order a pizza. Tomorrow, the day after and as many days after that as you need, you can think about your decisions on what you want to do."

"What if I don't know what to do?"

"That's what the next week or so is about Amanda, figuring out what you want from your life, and if you want to tell Marco."

"Oh god! Marco!" Amanda's head presses into my shoulder hard as she begins to find breathing hard.

"Come on now," I say softly as I squeeze her hand, "let's take some deep breaths and get you in the bath."

Once Amanda is in the bath, I walk in with my eyes shut and then lay with my back against the wall so I can't see her.

We sit I silence, but when her hand appears over the edge of the rim, I know what she wants. I hold on tight to her as we breathe together.

I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now. The decisions she has to deal with unexpectedly will change her life regardless of her choice.

"What would you do if this were you?" Amanda asks after minutes of us holding hands.

"I-I don't know," I admit, "but right now none of that matters. This is up to you Amanda, all of this."

"What about Marco?"

"Honestly?" I say, craning around to look at her face, "I wouldn't tell him until after you've made you decision."

Amanda's face twists in surprise, "really? I thought you would be pushing honesty."

"You're not lying, Ames." I protest, "what happens if you tell him and he tells you he wants you to keep the baby before you've made your decision. It would influence it and you could end up making a choice you regret."

Amanda thinks for a minute, biting her lip.

"It works both ways too. What happens if he wants you to get an abortion and that isn't what you truly want."

"Again, it's your decision to tell him or not, but, if you're asking for my help, I would wait until you know yourself how you're feeling about this."

"But what-what happens if I decide I want a-an abortion." Amanda swallows the word like it tastes bad, "and he doesn't want me to have one?"

"Ames, it's your body, your choice. Pregnancy is a massive responsibility and is very hard on a woman's body. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Amanda nods her head and smiles at me, "you're right. Whatever Marco wants, it doesn't matter. This decision comes down to me and what I want, I'll tell him once I know myself."

Amanda and I end our evening curled up on the sofa together. Both of us are wearing a honey face mask and eating pizza whilst Issi und Ossi plays on the tv in front of us.

"How did you know you were pregnant?" I ask once the credits start and I have assessed her mental state to be sting enough to answer.

"I was late and I could smell everything. Plus, Marco and I weren't the most careful we could have been y'know."

I nod my head even though I don't completely understand. Amanda has always had a certain zest for life which meant risks seemed less important to her, I just didn't realise that protection would be one she was lax about. Not that I'm blaming her, I know these things happen.

"You can't tell Enzo until I tell Marco, of course."

"You want me to lie to him?" I question, already feeling a little nauseous at the idea of lying in a relationship which is so new.

"Well, yes. But I realise it's a lot to ask. Please Greeny."

"It's just going to feel strange, being the first one to tell a lie in our relationship."

"You don't think Enzo has lied to you?" Amanda asks, a slice of pizza half way to her mouth.

"Well, no." I shake my head and then scrutinise Amanda.

She has a line between her forehead which tells me that she's keeping something from me.

"What?" I demand, snatching the pizza from her hand.

"Hey! I'm eating for two now!" Amanda giggles.

I laugh along with her but she's an idiot if she thinks she can distract me by making a joke.

"Ames, what did you mean about Enzo lying?"

"Well..." she shifts uncomfortably, "don't you find it a little weird that he can afford so much when he's so young. Plus he and Marco drop off the grid for hours of the day like they don't exist."

I chew on a crust of pizza as I chew on her words. Maybe she's right, it is strange, but maybe he just has a well paying job.

"Well... we don't know they're lying-"

"But do we know they're telling the truth?"

"No, we don't know that either..."

A/N

So, I was a little nervous about writing a topic that some may find controversial.

I firmly believe in my body, my choice and therefore feel that Amanda has a right to make this decision on her own without including Marco (think Maeve from Sex Education).

Now, I recognise that not all of you will agree with me and whist that's fine.

Please limit discussions to simple, positive exchanges of views. No arguing or unpleasant language in the comments please.

Also, no bashing of the characters please! Remember they are fictional and everything they do is to further the plot.

All that being said, I would love to hear your thoughts on the plot so far, what you think Amanda should do and if Enzo is lying to Lucy!!!

Thank you for reading

Ell xx