𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐? [Jirou x Reader]

❥𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔

☆__________________________☆

✫★✫

I return to her room. After taking out my anger on those police officers I felt a huge lack of energy.

I slowly and tenderly grab the letter again with my trembling hands.

~
My name is Jirou and this is the first and last letter I'll ever write. It is to my angel, Azrail.

When we first met I thought of you as just another person, possibly a new friend. I never would've thought that you were going to become the most valuable part of my life. But you did, and for that I have to thank you.

Thank you for being part of me and my life, thank you for loving me and cherishing me as your most precious belonging. For all the laughs, cries, nights spent talking... All the love you were able to fill me up with.
Thank you for that day at the park. That was the light of match in a room previously filled with only darkness.

I know you noticed what I am going through and I know you weren't the only one. You did your best to help me and you were able to, but it wasn't enough, I'm sorry.

Sorry I disappointed you. Sorry I couldn't make it. Sorry for not living with you all the years that we planned to. Sorry you have to be reading this letter so soon.
I'm sorry I can't be strong enough to keep fighting. I'm sorry I lost, although, I can't regret this decision.

God! No matter how remorseful I feel, I just can't be sorry enough to save me. - Apologising never cured anyone, now that I think about it.

I just can never get rid of this thing that haunts me. It is dark. It is scary. It is bottomless and lonely.
Everyday I keep falling further and further into this never-ending pit of empty darkness. I can't take it anymore.

You, my dear, will be sculpted into my heart and I will forever cary you with me, even in the afterlife.

When I saw you, crying on the rooftop, so vulnerable, so defenceless, so truthful, I felt, for the first time, that you trusted me, enough to make your facade fall.
You stopped acting and accepted your emotions, you showed me that you are, in fact, a human being and you loved me as much I loved you.

I know you have your fights, struggles and a lot of secrets you'd never confide in me, but please keep pushing on.
You are the strongest person I know and you can become something so great one day. You were my only source of light throughout my fall down the dark pit, you are my angel. And I love you deeply.
So all I am asking you is that you never forget your value and that you move on from me.
Live. I know you can make it, unlike me.
If you don't do it for yourself, do it for me or somebody else.

Love,
Jirou.
~

I put down the letter as my legs fail to support me.
I fall on the floor, holding onto the side of her bed. I rest my crying face on her clean and messy sheets. I sniff slightly and I can feel her scent coming out of them and into my nose, intruding my rib cage as the tears flowing out of my eyes turn the dry blankets into wet cloths.

There was still so much to live together so much to be said and to be told.

She's gone without even knowing my name - my real name.

She's gone into another place or another body.

The thought of her in heaven comforted me.

The thought of her being born again, in another body also brought me consolation.

I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I could've saved her. Yet she's dead.

There were so many more laughs, cries and nights spent talking we could have.

So many more moments of quietness and stillness. So much love to give and take. So many things left unsaid.

She took all my love and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back.

I loved her. I loved her so fucking much.

For a moment, I consider taking my own life (like many times before I met her), but I came to the conclusion that my demise will come eventually and, in the meantime, I will try to become the person she wanted me to be, a person she would be proud to call hers.

𝘼𝙣
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