💜 Hope 💜

💍💜

The mountains become a blurry picture as tears welled up in Jisoo's eyes. She closed them and a silent tear rolled down her cheek, "But....?"

"But... It's not enough," Jungkook replied softly.

A thousand stones dropped into the pit of Jisoo's stomach, it weighed her down and it felt like she was drowning. Why was she feeling this way? This is what she expected him to say, what she's been telling herself over and over, that when he knew the full story, he would walk away! Why was disappointment pulling her deep under water? She should be used to it by now, or was she holding on for some miracle? A miracle from God? Why would God throw her a bone now at the end of her life? God has taken away everything and everyone she ever loved, why would this be any different?

Then a small voice in the back of her head said, "We rejoice in our sufferings, for suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope and hope does not disappoint." It was her Mom's voice, reciting one of her favorite verses out of the Bible. She was always telling Jisoo how important it was to have hope because without hope life held no promise. And for once since her parents died, she was angry with herself for holding on to something they taught her.

She had to shake this feeling, she had to brace herself because any minute now he was going to walk away. For her, hope always disappointed.

She sat frozen, waiting for him to tell her how sorry he was, but deep within, the hope still lingered.

"I love you, but it's not enough," Jungkook repeated. He pressed his lips against her hair and then whispered in her ear, "Marry me..."

Jisoo twisted around to face Jungkook, a look of confusion on her face, "You're supposed to tell me you are not up to dealing with this, that you're sorry, that you have to leave!" and again Jisoo heard the voice, "Hope does not disappoint."

Jungkook took Jisoo's face lovingly in his hands, his eyes filled with tears, "I'm not going anywhere Jisoo! Marry me!"

Still Jisoo looked at him in disbelief, "Do you realize what you are saying?!" The voice in the back of her head persisted, "Hope in Me does not disappoint."

Jungkook closed his eyes, his lips sought Jisoo's and found them. He kissed her and when he pulled away, he said for a third time, "Marry me!"

Jisoo didn't answer, she couldn't answer. Her heart was saying 'yes', but her head was saying 'no', and she was always one to act with her head not her heart.

Confirming again that Jungkook could see inside her mind, he said while searching her eyes with his, "You don't have to give me an answer now. I know it's a lot to take in for both of us but I want you to know, i need you to know, I'm not going anywhere. This," He took her hand and pressed her palm against his heart, "belongs to you."

Jisoo laid her head against Jungkook's shoulder, her forehead nestling in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. They sat for a while listening to the birdsong all around them and the insects buzzing among the trees. The warmth of the sun was weak but it managed to break the edge of the chill in the air.

Jisoo's mind was working overtime and she wished it would switch off for just a moment. For almost fourteen years she burried all her emotions and tears deep inside herself. But in the last three weeks, especially the last four days, every feeling, every tear drop that she had tucked away, came pouring out of her. She felt emotionally exhausted. Here was this man, this wonderful man declaring his love for her. Meeting him barely four days ago, but it felt like she'd known him all her life and she knew he meant every word be said to her. But how should she marry him, how should she willingly put him through what she knows lies ahead. She could never be that selfish, she loved him too much.

Jisoo lifted her head from Jungkook's shoulder, "What time is it?" She asked, feeling a little light headed.

Jungkook pulled back his sleeve to check the time, "It's just past twelve," he looked at Jisoo and noticed that she was a bit pale and asked concerned, "Are you okay?"

"Just tired," Jisoo replied, closing her eyes for a moment and pressing her palm against her forehead, as if trying to stop herself from thinking.

"Let's go back, and then you go take a nap," Jungkook said getting up and pulling Jisoo to her feet. Words couldn't describe how much he wanted to make Jisoo his wife, but he wasn't going to push her.... Be patient, in my time, not yours.....

Coming down the hill took a bit longer than going up, but they didn't talk much. Jungkook held Jisoo's hand and putting his arm around her waist every time they passed a slippery part of the path.

Back at the cabin, Jisoo went to her room after making a turn in the bathroom and laid down on the bed. Jungkook came in and sat down on his haunches next to the bed. He gave her a kiss and whispered, "I love you." He paused for a moment and then stood up to leave the room.

Jisoo grabbed his hand. She looked up at him and said "Stay please."

Jisoo was lying on her side. Jungkook took off his shoes and laid down behind her. He put his arm around her and pulled her in closer. Jisoo sighed, she closed her eyes and said softly, "I love you too." And fell asleep almost immediately.