The Assistant

Light

One month later
David's POV

I got back from the office and found Kyra on the couch with a tub of ice cream watching Friends. I kissed the top of her head before greeting her. Then asked how her day was. Looking up at me, she said it was fine with a smile that barely reached her eyes.

She hadn't been back at work since everything happened and she spent all her time in the house watching tv and eating ice cream. She hadn't let me touch or kiss her intimately since everything happened. The first time I tried to kiss her after we got back from the hospital she turned her face and I kissed her cheek. When I hugged her she wouldn't hug me back. After a few cold and awkward encounters, I finally took the hint.

She let me kiss her cheek or forehead though and for the past month I've kissed her there every chance I got.

I went up to our bedroom and had a shower, changed into a white shirt and grey sweatpants and got started on diner. I made steak with mashed potatoes and a salad. When I was done, I set up the table and opened a bottle of red wine before pouring a glass for Kyra and settling for a scotch for myself.

"Dinners ready"

Wordlessly, she got up, switched off the tv and walked over to the kitchen. We eat our dinner in silence and after a month, I know this is how she prefers it. And as much as it breaks my heart to not know what's going on inside her head, I'd rather have these silent moments than not have her at all.

After dinner she mouths a thank you and heads upstairs. I know but the time I'm done clearing up and get upstairs. She'll be in bed pretending to be asleep.

Every night I climb in on the same bed and we sleep on separate sides of the bed. We don't talk or cuddle. Every night I got to bed asking myself how it's possible to miss someone you sleep in the same bed with.

I took the steps upstairs to our bedroom one at a time, with careful precision. In the last month I've found that exercising control in the most basic things in my life makes me feel better. I've always liked my things a certain way and lived my life a certain way. I've always thrived on routine and monotony. But lately it's become an obsession, so I climbed up my stairs on the right side and knowing that tomorrow morning I'd come down on the left.

When I got upstairs, Kyra is balled up on the edge of the left side of the bed in her pyjamas facing away from me. Unlike the past couple weeks, something in me snapped as I saw her laying there clearly avoiding me. "I miss you" I whispered.

I knew she heard me because I hear her breath hitch. She doesn't say anything back though. "I'm sorry I failed us, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. If I could take your pain away, believe me baby I would. But princess, I'm hurting too, this happened to me too. I just wish you'd open up to me and we can find a way out of this together. I love you Kyra and I need you just as much as you need me. Please let me in, I can't keep living like this. It breaks my heart looking into your eyes and only seeing a shell of the person you were. But princess, I know you're still in there, I've seen it. The light inside of you is still there, I just need you to find it again. If not for yourself, then please do it for me because I need you" I continued.

She stayed silent and after I few minutes I realised she wasn't going to say anything. Defeated I took off my clothes and left on my underwear, carefully folded them and walked over to put them in the dirty clothes hamper in the en-suite closet with all my other dirty clothes. Before I put them in, I saw the hoodie and leggings Kyra wore today tossed lazily inside. I placed my clothes neatly on top. Then I walked to the bathroom, brushed my teeth without looking at my face in the mirror. I only do that in the mornings now. When I'm done I switch of the light on the bedside lamp and slip into the bed. Then I say goodnight to Kyra before letting my head hit the pillow, like I do every other night.

She never responds to me so I don't really wait for a response before my head hits the pillow. However, as I close my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep. I hear her sobbing quietly. Its the first time she's showed any emotion in a month.

My heart gets filled with an emotion I can't place. And I decided to test my luck and try hold her. As I move closer and wrapped my arms around her from behind, she turns around and places her head on my chest. Her tears wet my bare chest but I don't mind. I place gently kisses on her head and run my fingers along her back. I know that right now all she needs is for me to be there while she cries it out. And I hold her a little tighter as I let my own tears flow.

The grief me and Kyra feel is too deep, and I know it's not going to be easy to move on from it. But for the first time in a month, I feel like maybe we can make it. That maybe all isn't lost for us. And in that moment, I finally identify the emotion I felt when Kyra finally showed a hint of emotion since what happened and finally let herself cry, and let me hold her for the first time in a month.

Hope.

For the first time in a while, I can feel a bit of hope for our future. And until that moment, I didn't fully realise just hope much I needed it.