Joffry

Chapter 2 | The Sport

Joffry woke up the next morning and scratched places I shouldn't talk about. He got out of bed, brushed his teeth, and took a shower. Joffry walked upstairs and was greeted by Uncle Dave cooking something in the kitchen. Uncle Dave noticed Joffry walking in, so he began to turn around and begin speaking to Joffry.

"Hey, mornin', Joffry! Here, have some breakfast!" Uncle Dave said while holding a plate full of some... uhh... green... substance..? "I made eggs and whatever fungus was growing on my foot this morning!"

Joffry held the substance up to his nose, it smelled like if a lion ate a skunk, pooped it out, ate it again, and then died. Joffry began shaking as he got a bit of the "food" onto his fork. He slowly raised it up toward his mouth, then putting the food in. Joffry began to chew the "food" and passed out onto the ground. He had gotten food poisoning. He woke up about an hour later, and he was on the toilet.

"What the heckaroni!? What am I doin' on the loo?"

"Oh," Uncle Dave said, "you're finally awake. Yeah, sorry 'bout givin' ya food poisonin'. After you passed out, you began crappin' yerself. So, I did the logical thing an' put ya on the turlet."

"But my trousers are still on..."

"I didn't wanna see yer wang-dang-doodle!"

"Eh, whatever. How long was I out for?"

"'Bout an hour."

"An hour!? I need to get to school!"

Joffry got off the toilet and changed his pants. He then began to run to school. On the way, he ran by Jirärd.

"'Ey, Joffry how's it go-." Joffry then ran past Jirärd so fast that his hat fell off.

Joffry eventually arrived at school, he then ran to his seat and tripped over it, the chair then fell on top of him. Class started, all Joffry could do was lie on the floor and listen. Class ended and Jirärd helped Joffry get up. They then walked home together. They arrived at Joffry's house.

"Alright, see ya, man!" Jirärd said.

"You don't wanna come in?"

"Can I?"

"Sure, c'mon."

Jirärd went inside of Joffry's house, Uncle Dave noticed them come in and got up from the sofa.

"'Ey, Joffry. Who's yer friend?" Asked Uncle Dave.

"This is Jirärd, he's in the same class as me."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Starr." Jirärd said.

"Please, call me Uncle Dave!"

"No." Jirärd replied.

"Yeah, don't." Joffry added.

Joffry and Uncle Dave were sitting on the sofa, while Jirärd was rummaging through the kitchen trying to find something to eat. Jirärd found 25 boxes of saltine crackers. He ate a sleeve of them, but he was thirsty, so he checked the fridge for something to drink. He opened the fridge, it was full of nothing but beer.

"Hey, uh, Mr. Starr?" Jirärd yelled to Uncle Dave in the other room, "do you have anything to drink... That isn't beer?"

"Yeah, we have unsweet tea!"

"Beer it is..." Jirärd said while grabbing a can of beer from the fridge.

Joffry then got up to use what he called the "wc," which is the crapper. Jirärd cracked open his can of beer, but he thought it smelled like the armpit of a marathon runner, so he poured it out. He then sat in the living room to watch television. Joffry got out of the crapper and went to the living room to see what they were watching. They were watching this show about two dudes constantly fighting. One of the dudes was named John, the other was named Jaques. The show was titled "Why do these two dudes hate each other so much?" Joffry was British, so he understood the joke.