The Strings Being Pulled

Ch 54

Asher's POV *2 hours later*

My laptop is completely blank and has been for the past hour. I can't type the email, the words in my head are repeating constantly. 'I get what he means by father figure, you must've been a really good role model!'

Father figure and good role model? It's difficult to accept those words for me, I literally faked my death for four years, almost five and never knew Evelyn died. Harry went through hell, he's always been dealing with hell but those four years must've been the worst ones, all because I was scared and afraid.

Is that what a good role model does?

Fake their death because they're scared? I'm a fucked up teacher because of that, he forgave so easily but there's a wall. One created because of me and it wasn't anyone else's fault. Just mine, simple as that. It's best if I just try my best to make sure those two will be surviving against Weller, no matter how guilty I am.

I'm the one who is guilty, it'll always be like that. I can't even type anything in the email, why am I sitting the desk if I can't type? I should get work done, not be feeling this bad from the guilt I have. It's deserved guilt, I've already had it for years but the idea of being seen as a father figure and a good role model messes me up.

It shouldn't.

I close the laptop and close my eyes, I wish I wasn't such a terrible person. Evelyn never deserved to die but I didn't know about her death, I messed up in the end and that's the exact reason why there's tension. Just being a good person will never undo what the consequences from faking my death. It never will.

There's a knock at the door, it's Harry just by telling from the familiar presence. He heard the conversation me and Liza had, he eavesdropped and knows that I knew that he was eavesdropping. I'm pretty sure he can hide his presence from me completely just by seeing how strong he's grown but he chooses not to.

"Heya." I smile.
"Hey, I overheard the conversation from earlier." Harry states.
"I've been meaning to talk with you about it anyways for a while now." I reply.
"Fine with me." he responds.

Ironic, isn't it?

Teaching people how to handle emotions but not being able to handle you own. Best for me to just deal with it, I can't communicate my own feelings when I tell others that communication is key and just lost at this point. Though, if it means that those I care about can be happy and healthy then it's alright.

I feel a little tired right now, strange because I took a quick power nap a short while ago but I'm not really exhausted so it should be alright. Hopefully I can get back on track with work soon however, I can't slack off on it at all.

"You already know you shouldn't bottle up anger, Harry." I state.
"Well, I didn't really handle it well for four years even with all the lectures you gave." he replies. "There were multiple breakdowns and the worst part was how empty my head was."
"Empty?" I question.
"I wasn't learning anything anymore, I was just purifying blood all the time." he answers.

There's a flash of pain on his face but it returns back to calm quickly. Harry endured hell for so long, no one should go through that, not ever. I will never be able to empathize with what he went through, he's strong but strength isn't always gonna help you.

"I was numb to it already, though I was mad at myself and the vampire." he explains. "I got a sense of freedom from you and my mom, I lost it when I lost you two so I just wanted freedom."
"And that was when you did it." I state.
"Yeah." he nods, his eyes are glowing a little.

Bottling up emotions is never the right way to handle them, they'll come out in the worst way possible at the worst time. It won't matter how long it takes, that's why it's called bottling them up, a bottle can only take so much. It's like a bottle filling up with cola, it's completely filled up but then at the worst time, a mentos drops in which causes an explosion.

"I was lost, I had completely forgotten the methods you taught me on handling my emotions." Harry states.
"That's understandable, sometimes just having knowledge isn't enough." I reply.
"But, if I did follow your methods then I probably would've never done it, though I'd be stuck in that hell and the outcome would've been different." he explains.
"It causes a moral dilemma." I state.

Harry nods, the outcome of him burning the village was him becoming free but at the cost of many deaths in the short term but if he didn't, he'd be going through hell having to purify blood where people would still die and continue dying in the longterm. Here, it's the fire but in another world, going through hell and purifying blood.

"And how do you handle anger now?" I ask.
"I still keep it to myself, even if I do wanna tell Liza about it, I can't ignore the fact that she needs to focus on herself more than anything." he answers seeming a bit concerned. "She still has a few nightmares of her parents and she never really got much appreciation growing up."
"Then why not talk to me about it or use the methods I taught you?" I question.
"You're already overworked, it's obvious and I do use your methods but I wanna put others before myself first right now." he sighs. "I feel like I've learnt a lot by just listening to Liza."

I sigh, it's difficult to argue with that. I don't know much about Liza's past but from the looks of it, she's probably mentally younger than her actual age. From what I know, she's naive and her consequence thinking actually isn't all that developed yet.

The part of being overworked, I'm aware that I do a lot of work but I can't escape the fact that Falker does a lot of work behind the scenes and he is being physically strained from it.

"Please do tell me if you have any bottled up emotions, I'm more than happy to work through it with you." I state.
"Start taking care of yourself and then I'll do it." Harry replies, there's another meaning to his words but I can't figure it out.
"Sure but you should go now because if I remember correctly, you have a date soon." I respond.

................................................................

Ima just make the date a bonus chapter, I need to focus on the story more