The Strings Being Pulled

Ch 61

Asher's POV (Yeah, you can expect more of his POVs)

"You sure your not hurt anywhere?" I ask.
"Mhm, why?" Liza asks.
"Just concerned but I'm trying to see if you have some kind of tracker right now." I answer. "Harry would probably be better at this if you consider how observant he is but he's busy right now."
"I mean, you're pretty good too and aren't you also stronger than him?" she responds.

He's improving at an insane speed right now, that isn't from the fact I'm teaching him bug the fact he's a very quick learner. He can move around 65km/s now, meaning every two weeks, he improves by 5km.

Sure, I can make earthquakes that can shake the entire planet and can cause some damage but when has that been useful in a fight? I didn't even use it against Weller. Harry's abilities are much more versatile and has multiple uses, so it really depends how you look at our strengths and compare them. He has much more potential and is much more versatile in his abilities but I am capable of more destruction than him.

"Depends how you look at it, from the way he's improving at the moment, he'll probably be stronger than me in a few months." I answer. "Then there's no need for me to be his teacher anymore."
"I mean, you still know a lot more than him." Liza replies. "You also sound proud of him though it feels like something is off."
"Really?" I question, knowing full well what she means. "I'm his teacher and your boss, simple as that."

It feels wrong saying that, I care about him and Liza, a lot. Both are important to me, Liza is fun to have company with and I enjoy sharing knowledge with her, Harry is someone I've known for a long time and I feel happy watching him grow. The two are great people for me, but I won't say it out loud. I'll put my feelings aside for them, no matter how guilty I am.

They deserve happiness, I'm sure Liza has gone through a lot and Harry has hone through a lot too. I hate faking my death, I will never forgive myself for that. It still feels like Harry hasn't forgiven me, a voice keeps telling me that he doesn't and I completely agree with it.

"There are no trackers, you're good." I smile. "Your phone and everything else os good aswell.
"Thanks, but if you say you're just Harry's teacher and our boss then why does he say you're a father figure?" Liza questions. "You care about him a lot, right?"
"I do, I care about both of you but as I said, I'm just his teacher and your boss." I answer.

It hurts to say that, like a million blows to my head. I better just suck it up, a guilty man shouldn't let their guilt and desires control them. Just try to correct their mistakes...

...

"Asher, could you tell me any tips on drinking alcohol?" Liza asks.
"Why?" I question.
"I wanna try it since I'm 18 now but I feel nervous about it for some reason." she answers.
"Go with someone who wouldn't get drunk and would stay sober, just in case." I state. "That's a must, considering it's your first time too, avoid getting drunk and be self aware."
"Ok, got it!" she smiles. "I'm lucky I didn't get a lecture like the ones Harry told me about."

I chuckle, that really brings back a lot of memories now. So many lectures on alcohol, I remember all of them clearly. He's probably done with my lecture now, pretty much everyone is which includes Azula, Falker, Anna, Peter and Catorce and some other people but I keep giving them and continue lecturing anyways.

Just wanna make sure those close to me don't do anything stupid that ends up in serious injury or death. That includes psychologically and mentally. I care about every aspect of health, it's important to meet your physical, psychological and mental needs. It'll vary person from person but you should never ignore your health in all aspects.

"Though it's best not to drink alcohol at all." I state. "Haven't had any in years."
"I just wanna try it but I'm gonna keep it in mind." she replies.
"Of course, happy to help!" I smile.

Liza gives a smile and waves goodbye. I wave back before she has completely left and the door closed completely. I sink down on the floor, so many dreadful feelings comes over me. Anger, guilt, hurtfulness and exhaustion. Angry at myself, guilty for what I've done, hurt from these two emotions and exhausted from trying to avoid it by overworking myself.

I want to spill it all to someone, I don't care who it is but I won't. Just pick up the phone, call Falker, call Azula or call Harry even but I can't. It's exhausting, I know it's good to talk about your feelings, it's good to be honest but I can't just ignore how terrible it was for me to fake me death.

It was such a shitass thing to do. I'm aware that my strength is enough to cause mass destruction but I can't even protect someone properly, what's the point of being strong then? My head hurts, my chest hurts, it all hurts like hell. I know how low my well being is, how my actions go against what I try to teach people. It feels like I'm at the edge all the time.

The room is completely silent but my head is flashing with all those four years of faking my death, now this is where I am. It's a good thing that those around me are seeming to get better, hopefully. I'm barely doing anything to help or achieve my goals, nothing productive by sitting here on the floor when I should be working.

Can't even be a proper fiancé, a proper teacher, a proper friend or a proper person. Why does Liza say that Harry sees me as a father figure then? I shouldn't be seen like one, not at all. Can't I just accept the fact that there is no way of going back...!?

................................................................

Please I'm crying now-