28 Days To Love You - Keiji Akaashi x Reader

Twelve: Mask

Y/n's POV

Akaashi ran to my bedside. His hair was a mess and his clothes were all wrinkled. That didn't seem like him. He was usually unusually neat and tidy. Did he rush to the hospital to see... me?

"Y/n!" he said. "Oh my gosh, you scared me. How are you doing? Are you okay? I got your voicemails and ran all the way here."

That answered my question. 

"I'm okay." I lied. 

The truth is... I wasn't. I wasn't good. My condition was slowly getting worse. Even though I hadn't had any major problems, I still felt terrible. My parents weren't there for me. I hadn't talked to anyone besides the doctors and nurses in so long. Akaashi wasn't answering my calls. I felt so much more than okay. I felt like it would be better if I just died. I would scare myself at night, thinking about how I wanted my condition to get worse so I could get rid of the pain.

My mind wandered to uncharted waters and explored things I never would have thought about if I weren't in this situation. It was like there were two sides of me. 

The part that everyone saw. The bubbly, innocent Y/n. The part everyone knew. The Y/n that had nothing wrong with her. No illness, no breakdowns, no outbursts. So calm and collected. 

A mask.

Then there was the hidden part. That was the true Y/n. Broken, cracked, hurting. The one with everything wrong with her. Outbursts, breakdowns, illnesses. That was me. 

And I didn't want Akaashi to see me like that. 

Whenever I thought of those things, it would always end with me tugging at my hair, striking blows at my head. Get these impure thoughts out of your head, Y/n. I would think. 

I was alone. Isolated. No one was there. I usually thought of myself being separated from everything and everyone by a wall of glass. Transparent, almost as if it weren't there. Whenever I reached out to someone, I was stopped. By something I didn't see. Alone. Maybe I should make that permanent. 

But I couldn't tell anyone how I felt. They wouldn't know. They wouldn't understand. So I can only summarize my feelings in two words: "I'm okay."

I should just die. I hope the doctors find something worse in me. A sign I was getting worse. Maybe then, I'll actually be better. 

This isn't you. Stop it... stop it...

"Stop it." I said aloud. 

Akaashi looked at me, startled. "What?" he asked, bewildered. 

"I can't do this anymore." Tears pricked at the corner of my eye. 

He walked closer to me and took my hand in his. "What can't you do anymore?" His voice was so gentle. So soft. So comforting. I could trust him. He was my best friend. If I couldn't trust him, who could I trust? "You can tell me, Y/n." His voice was as smooth as molasses. 

"I can't keep putting up this mask. That happy personality isn't me. I'm not optimistic or cute or charismatic. I'm a fricking sick person that has a disease messing with her brain. I feel alone. All the time. No one's there."

"I told you once, and I'll tell you again. I'm there for you. Always." I looked at him with gratitude.

"Well thank goodness for you."