An Unlikely Duo 2: The Chamber of Secrets

Plan ATAMAP

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts....

A dark figure stood alone in a corridor.

The figure was not overly intimidating. It was short, skinny and wouldn't really have been considered dangerous, if it wasn't for it's 'superior intellect' as the figure put it(or as other liked to call it, his big brain).

This figure, which was none other than Artemis Fowl the Second,  tapped its foot impatiently. His watch didn't work at Hogwarts, so he had no way to tell how long he had been waiting, but it felt like it had been hours.

Finally, Artemis heard the sound of approaching footsteps. He instinctively stood up straight and reached up to straighten his tie, as though he was preparing for a business meeting, which, in a way, he was.

Two more dark figures joined him, although they were nowhere near as mysterious as the first one. They were tall, significantly so as compared to their diminutive companion, and their bright red hair was visible even in the dark corridor. Instead of quietly sneaking into the empty corridor as Artemis had instructed, the pair skidded in jovially, making an ear-piercing screech that almost convinced Artemis to change his mind. 

"You're late.", he grumbled.

The two other figures shared an amused glance, "Grumpy, are we?" they chorused, almost as though they had rehearsed it.

Artemis sighed and kneaded his forehead, "Please don't make me regret this."

"You know Fowl," one of the figures began, "I never really took you to be the pranking type."

"Whyever not?" Artemis asked, genuinely confused, "Pranking is just an assortment of criminal activities on a smaller scale, is it not? And criminal activities happen to be my specialty."

His companions seemed slightly taken back.

"Well," said one, "That's one way to put it, I guess."

The other said, "Whyever? Who even says whyever anymore?"

The two exchanged a glance, as though surprised that they were no longer in synch, before bursting into laughter.

"Merlin's beard, Gred," one chortled, "We're out of practice."

"Right you are, Forge," the other replied, "We'll need to try harder next time."

Artemis raised an eyebrow, "Am I... missing something?"

'Forge' waved his hand dismissively, "Inside joke."

"It's kind of a challenge we gave ourselves," 'Gred' explained, "We try to stay in synch and complete each other's sentences as much as we can. It's hilarious."

"Freaks people out."

"Quality entertainment." 'Gred' agreed, "Messing up that early on in a conversation is just sad."

"Pathetic." his twin seconded, nodding with mock sorrow.

"Lamentable." Artemis added, more than slightly irritated, "We all know synonyms for 'inadequate'. Now, I'm assuming that you didn't arrange this meeting just to discuss synonyms."

"We didn't.", the twins chorused.

Artemis waited for them to continue, "Well?" he prompted.

"You see Fowl, we want to know why we'd need a consultant to prank people-"

"-and why you can't just prank people yourself."

Artemis shrugged, "I do not possess the physical prowess required to carry out pranks myself. I believe that pranking involves activities such as running to avoid teachers, correct?", he pushed on without waiting for an answer, "I usually prefer to leave the physical parts of my crimes to Butler, anyway. I'm more of an ideas person, as you've undoubtedly noticed."

"Butler?" Forge, or more accurately, George, asked.

"My butler."

"I see." his brother, Fred, said solemnly, fighting back a laugh, "Butler the butler."

Artemis shot him an unimpressed look, "I have heard that joke more than enough times, thank you very much."

"Of course you have."

"Anyway," Artemis coughed, "As I was saying, the thing that really motivated me to accept your proposal, was this." he explained, shoving the offending object in the twins' faces.

Fred blinked slowly, trying to read the title, "Wanderings with Werewolves?"

"By Gilderoy Lockhart?" George continued, leaning closer to the book.

"The man's a lunatic!" Artemis ranted, "I refuse to let this insult to the name of education go unsullied!" he declared, unleashing his inner melodramatic, misunderstood genius.

Noticing the twins' baffled expressions, he let out a long suffering sigh, "Unpunished." he explained.

Fred's eyes widened in comprehension, "Ah... You've already experienced his lame excuse for a Defense Against the Dark Arts class?"

"I have." he huffed, "And I refuse to let him and his lies remain undercover."

George pumped his fist in the air, "I knew he was a fraud."

Artemis tilted his head in confusion, "But I haven't provided you with any proof yet."

"If Mr. Smarty-Pants thinks that Lockhart's a fraud-"

"-Then that's good enough for us."

"Right...." Artemis nodded, looking slightly disconcerted.

"So," Fred guessed, "I suppose it's our duty to make Lockhart's existence horrible then?"

"And to expose him as a sniveling, self-absorbed idiot?"

"Precisely." Artemis agreed, "Gentlemen, Plan Annoy Teachers(in question) As Much As Possible is a go."

Fred chuckled darkly, "Poor guy, when we get serious about pranking someone-"

"-We really get serious. The guy won't know what hit him."

"Would you stop doing that?" Artemis pleaded shrilly.

Fred laughed, sling an arm around an extremely awkward Artemis' shoulder.

"Nope. You'd better-"

"-Get used to it kiddo."

Artemis would be great at pranking people. Just try to change my mind.

Let me know what you think of this chapter!

-Keera