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I'm still feeling down but not enough to sit and ponder on the whole situation. I understand my wrong doing and I know that if it was him I probably would've done the same thing...maybe...I don't know, I'm still trying to figure that out to be honest. I think the reason I didn't end our friendship earlier was because I enjoyed having a guy friend, like yea it was about attention but I never liked him in that way. It's no excuse, but it felt good to have "good" attention on myself rather than the usual bull shit. But it's like I traded my loving boyfriend for something that I didn't want. Then it's also the issue that I'm not there for him while his mom is sick. I just want to see him again and apologize again, but this time I want us to be about to talk to each other with common sense.
I looked down at my phone and scrolled through our old pictures. Which consisted of , screenshots of him on FaceTime, the pictures from the little cabin vacation we all went on, his birthday surprise party, and even the first picture we took together...the same one that he has framed by his bed. I know that we just broke up yesterday but it already feels long, I've never went to sleep without talking to him or even texting him. Vanessa you really fucked up girl. I just have to give him some time to collect himself and then try to talk to him. But the other side of me just wants to blow his phone up so that he knows that I'm still here for him.
All of that was cut short when I heard somebody knocking on my door. I looked out the little peep hole and saw Asia standing there with food. Did I feel like interacting with other people today no, but I knew that I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't open this door...especially when my car is outside. I opened the door and the smile on her face was wide as hell, I just raised my eyebrow in confusion.
"Well are you gonna let me in? It's hot as hell out here."
"My bad, come on in." I moved to the side and watched her as she walked in. "Is everything ok? You usually call before you show up." I closed the door and walked into the kitchen.
"Damn does something have to be wrong for me to visit my best friend?" A smile slowly started to form on my face. "Besides, you're going through a break up and I just wanted to check on you. How are you doing?" She leaned back against the counter and folded her arms.
"I mean I could be a lot better, but I can't just sit around and be sad all day. That will literally drive me crazy, it feels like if I stop and think about it too much then I'll start crying. Soooo..." I sat on the stool and clapped my hands together. "I'm just trying to keep my composure."
"Nessa it's ok to be sad...you do know that right?"
"But it's my fault, I feel like I don't have the right to cry or even be heartbroken because I did this shit to myself."
