Snape's New Flower

Sinking

I stand before two caskets which I'm told contain my parents. The muggle Reverend says his go-to speech for people he didn't know, saying how God is welcoming them home. Heaven? Is that where they are? Was my father forgiven for how he treated us, or my mother for how she allowed it?

The words he preached were as empty and meaningless as the crowd he preached it to. I knew better, and the fact the other people standing around there soon to be grave didn't just meant they knew my parents very little. Neighbours that heard my dad shouting at my mom through our hollow cardboard walls and did nothing. Friends that only liked them because of how mundane they pretended to be. 

I didn't recognize a single face except for my Aunt, sister of my father, who only cried to make this day about her. My mom said she's even worse than he is. Was. Fuck. I just hope I can avoid her after this service. 

I don't have the energy to talk right now and Sev is the only one who understands that. 

Sev. He took care of this whole thing on my behalf. Even now, he drapes his cloak over me, which must be made of pure wool based on how my knees buckle beneath it. He holds me up, arm tight around my shoulder, politely nodding at what the Reverend has to say. I doubt he believes in a God. 

It should be raining today. It does most days. But what are the odds of a perfectly sunny day when I have to watch my parents be buried. It's twisted. Like the world is telling me life is going to get better, an intrusive thought I keep trying to hush, and the sun is not helping.

In truth, I feel both relief and grief. I loved my parents but I could not ignore how crap they were at being parents. But now when I feel anger thinking about what they put me through, my stomach drops. You can't speak of the sins of the dead. 

I wish I had a chance to introduce them to Severus though. Even if they hated him, hated me for choosing them, I could handle it. But I've lived through almost every scenario of that day in my mind this past week and I don't know what one would have played out. They get mad and kick us out. They put on their fake smiles like they do the neighbours and we have a decent supper together. The only one that doesn't make sense is showing up only to find them dead.

Severus, while planning a funeral for parents that aren't his, is also trying to find out who was behind this attack. They didn't just die, they were murdered. No one apart from myself had a bone to pick with them. They were killed simply because they happened to be home during a burglary. 

It makes my blood boil.

It also makes my stomach drop.

If I had been there, with a flick of the wand I could have prevented it. I was meant to be there, not spending the summer at school or Sev's house, but living with my parents. Protecting them. My mother had thrown away her wand years ago at my fathers request, nay, demand. Even if she had one, she would have been so out of touch it would have proven useless. But I could have protected his against mere muggles armed with crowbars.

Severus has had to pull me from my thoughts a few times when he needed help navigating the muggle world, and this was one of those times. I thanked the Reverend and shook a few hands, exchanging pleasantries but not bothering to force a smile. I dragged Sev out of there before my Aunt could beeline her way through the crowd, and we managed to duck behind some trees in the distance and disapparate. 

Back at his house he kissed my temple and said I did a good job. At what, I'm not sure. Not crying? God knows I will tonight.

My parents are 6 feet under, their killers on the loose. 

I can not, will not, let them get away with it.