HEAL ME (RYEJI)

CHAPTER 18

Enjoying her day at the company, Ryujin spent her time reading like the usual.

"it's lunch time. Should I buy you something?" Chaeryeong asked.

"sure. I like the bread here. Buy me whatever. Not chocolate." Ryujin fixed her glasses, not looking up at her.

Not long after that, Ryujin's phone rang. She picked it up casually.

"yes."

"Mrs. Yoo wants you to be here. She won't last long, miss."

Ryujin sighed. She just grabbed her phone and went to the parking lot.

-

Ryujin stood beside Nayeon's bed. Showing no expression, Nayeon can only smile at her daughter.

"you always have that face when you're sad."

"I don't know what sad is." Ryujin fixed her glasses.

"I really want you to work on that. I hope you can feel all the love I give for you. So far, I feel like I'm not that good of a mother."

"I don't know what do you expect from me but I don't think you did anything wrong to me. Maybe to some other people but you know I don't really care. You're a perfect mother for me." Ryujin kneeled, held Nayeon's hand.

"before I leave, I want you to get along with Taehyung. Please. I don't want you to be alone in this house." Nayeon coughed. "I might not have something for you as much as your dad but can you promise me something?"

"not really. But if it's your last wish... then I'll try."

"I want you to stop hurting people around you. You have to deal with injustice in a better way. If they hurt you, don't hurt them back. I know you're better than that. Self-control, remember?"

*flashback*

Ryujin shouted at Hawk, scolding him endlessly. Her parents are not around at that time.

"I should've killed you! You're useless! I hate you!" Ryujin held up her favorite shoe that he played with. In result, it's all ripped apart. "you're a bad dog! I wish I had I had another dog!" Ryujin held her hand up. Hawk was getting cornered, scared, whimpered.

"hey, hey, what's wrong?" Nayeon held her hand, preventing her to hit the dog.

Ryujin threw her shoe away. Nayeon looked towards it. She sighed then led Ryujin to the couch.

"it's okay. I'll get you another shoes." Nayeon rubbed her back. "he's still a puppy. If I scolded you like that you wouldn't like it, would you? Now... take a deep breath." Ryujin did as she told. "let it out."

"I still feel angry." Ryujin looked down.

"it needs practice. Do that a few times when you're angry. Then, think, what's the solution to your problem. Tell me if you need help." Nayeon smiled, caressed her head lovingly. "go back and say sorry. He's scared."

Ryujin stayed silent for a moment. She then stood up and grabbed a treat for Hawk. She walked over to him, still in the same spot, trembling in fear.

"don't ever do that again." Ryujin threw the treat. "eat." Ryujin kneeled down. She patted his head as he eats his treat.

*end*

"I remember. I don't think I do that anymore." Ryujin chuckled.

"ah..." Nayeon felt her chest hurting. "I hope exploding a building is the last crime you commit."

Nayeon held her chest, bearing the pain. Ryujin stepped back, didn't know what to do. Taehyung did everything to save Nayeon but she struggled to breathe.

"do something!" Taehyung shouted at Ryujin.

Keeping calm, she walked to her mother. Caressed her head.

"let it go, mom. I don't want to see you suffer in this world." Ryujin kissed her head. "I love you."

With teary eyes, hearing the words from Ryujin, Nayeon took her last breath. Her eyes closed, letting her last tear fell on her cheek.

"Tae." Ryujin called. She saw him shed a tear. "I bought a smaller house for us. Get the gasoline from the garage." Ryujin patted his shoulder. "save your tears for another day."

-cradles/sub urban-

Taehyung wiped his tears. He went out to get the gasoline while Ryujin stare at Nayeon's lifeless body. She didn't get the chance to say anything she wanted to say. She thought that I love you is not enough and it's just words.

"oh well. I do make you proud, in the end." Ryujin shrugged. She then looked back at Taehyung. Took the can and poured it all over the place around the bed. She left half of it and took out a lighter. "I remember you wanted to be cremated. It's too expensive so I'm just gonna do this."

Ryujin asked Taehyung to wait outside the house. She then threw the lighter across the room. Ryujin is not the religious type but her parents are. So for the first time, Ryujin prays. She kneeled beside her mother's bed, clasped her hands together and closed her eyes.

"may you rest in peace. Heaven or hell, being born again, reincarnated. I will always find you. I hope... God will protect you on your way to afterlife." Ryujin prayed as she felt the heat from the fire started to fill the room. she stood up, covered her nose with her sleeve.

Ryujin walked out calmly, ignoring the fact that part of her clothes is burned. With the rest of the gasoline, she tried to poured it all over her way out. The fire managed to spread through the gasoline and eating every flammable item.

"Hawk!" Ryujin called. He ran to Ryujin panting. Ryujin carried him outside.

"I didn't think you'd burn the house." Siyeon appeared out of nowhere.

"I wanna move on." Ryujin watched the house started to get eaten by the flames.

"yes miss." Taehyung replied.

"I'm not talking to you." Ryujin put down her dog, he then sat still beside Ryujin.

"what about your books?"

Ryujin obviously thought about that. A little regret but it doesn't matter anymore. She memorized every single book she read, anyway.

"doesn't matter." Ryujin faced Taehyung. "are you ready to work with me?"

Taehyung looked down, fiddling with his fingers. He then felt an arm on his shoulder.

"as long as you obey me, I won't hurt you."