Devin;
"I'm ready to sign them papers! Them papers!" I sang at the top of my lungs before taking a swig of more red wine. I had called Sobah over and he was an hour late by now. I decided the best thing for me was to have some fun on my own and so I played papers by usher and dance in my small living room in a studio apartment while drinking. I shouldn't be, due to a sensitive stomach but hey fun is fun.
But Sobah was supposed to be dropping me off some Chinese food. He was probably hooking up with another girl or going on a date. He is a good looking man and to say I didn't have a man crush for him at first is an understatement but over time I got over that, he has been my best friend ever since and comfort at times like this. The music was so loud that the floors felt like they were vibrating, I almost missed the three thumping knocks on the door until I heard Sobah voice yell "Devin open the damn door and turn that fucking music down before your neighbor calls the cops on you for noise complaint,"
I turned the music down and I open the door. "Sobah!" I slurred. He rolled his eyes and push passed me with my food. "This can't make you feel good Dev," he said as he sat the food down and open the bag to pull out it's contents. "No, it doesn't but in the moment I don't give a fuck," I said before taking a big gulp of the smooth alcohol this time.
"Eat please," he gesture at the food before approaching me. "And stop drinking this," he said before grabbing the half empty wine bottle and dumping it out in the sink. "Aww, you're no fun," I whined as I sat down at my mahogany table she bought in a auction just because she gave it to me because it was throwing off "her vibe" what ever the fuck that meant. I dug into the spicy general taos Chicken. "Thanks babe, maybe I should have married you," I said before slurping up noodles. "Hmm, you always say that you idiot, you keep forgetting I want a woman," he laughed.
"Aww, what about me? I could be your woman," I added a sassy voice. We bursted out laughing. "Man you are weird," he said. I agreed to his statement with a nodded, yeah I am odd, I always have been but that is what I guess what Terra loved about me. That I was different from the others. I never wanted to be apart of the crowd. "She used to love me for that," I mumbled while looking at my food. I had lost my appetite.
"How are you holding up Devin?" He asked as he sat across from me.
"Honestly? Terrible, signing those papers broke my heart, my whole world shattered in front of me and she couldn't even be interested enough to look at them or even focus on what the lawyers were saying," I said before pushing the food away.
"Do you still love her?" He asked.
"More than life it's self. Then other days I just remember when she cheated on me, I wanted to choke the life out of her, but instead I walked out the door and came to your doorstep," I said as I burried my head in my hands.
"Yeah drunk might I add and crying hard, it honestly broke my heart to see you like that man, and made me wanna call my sister just to beat her ass," he said, adding in a chuckle.
I shook my head as I let out a chuckle myself. This was all I could do, making light of the situation that I found myself in. Within three months I had completely moved my stuff out of the big mansion style house she bought that she swore she didn't want. She always said she pictured a farm style home with farm animals and five kids.
She was a country girl raised by her grandparents and her life was tough, I admired her for everything she had been through even down to losing her friend and parent figures later on. Even then before I knew her I wanted to wrap her in a security blanket and protect her from the world. I would have giving my life just for her happiness. And the way she sang the exactly melody of my heart in her songs set me ablaze. But now, just the sound of her name makes me wanna puke.
"Devin, you okay? You don't look good," Sobah asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I push back my chair with so much force that it fell as I ran to the bathroom to throw up. Too much fucking wine. Sobah was behind me with aspirins and water. I wasn't sure between the time I got up to the time I was head bent in a towel fighting demons for a moment of breath as the red liquid spilled in the toilet when he had time to get those so don't ask.
I kept puking for what felt like forever as tears streamed down my eyes. I hate the feeling of throwing up. I always associate it with dying and maybe I was dying in my soul. Once I finally caught my breath and my stomach was empty I flushed the toilet and sat next to it. "Here, drink some water," he said as he hand me it and the aspirins.
"Not, right now I think I will hurl again," I said as I laid my head on the cold porcelain tub letting the coolness replace the burning feeling of my skin. "Why didn't she love me the way she loved others? Why wasn't I enough?" I sniffled as tears started to stream down.
"Don't think like that, you were worth, no, worth everything ounce of love you gave her and if she couldn't see that then she wasn't worth it," Sobah said as he sat next to me.
"I gave four years of myself for nothing in return, she didn't love me, she loved her fame and the attention," I mocked bitterly.
"Maybe so, or maybe she did love you but didn't know how to say those words, but my friend you have to get back up and continue to strive, because if you let this sadness win, then you will be come nothing," he said before pulling me in a hug .
"Sobah thank you for being my friend over the past ten years, can you stay the night, it gets lonely with out you babe," I joked.
He laughed at me and pinch my cheek. "Sure cutie, I just hope you feel better after this, and no more drinking," he said. I nodded and gulp down the aspirin and water slowly before Sobah tucked me into bed and went to sleep on the couch. I admired him and how careless he is about the world.
