Devin;
"Wait! Wait!" I said as I got off the bed and walked to the kitchen speechless.
"Devin that doesn't answer my question," Nubbie called after me.
I started to panic this is too soon and I just got out of a marriage a year ago. I'm not fully healed. I wanted to say all that but I couldn't all I could do is hyperventilate.
"Devin are you okay?" She asked as she rubbed my back.
I pushed her hands away as flashbacks of Terra yelling and screaming at me flash in my mind. Her tantrums and her breaking things. "You won't amount to shit after I am done with you Devin I promise you that!" She screamed as I told her to leave after catching her cheating.
"I can't breathe," I manage to say before falling on the floor.
I gasp and gasped for air. Nubbie crawled in front of me and held my face as she looked worried. "It's okay Devin, your having a panic attack," she said as she tried to get me to focus. I felt like I was dying. My heart felt like it was going to explode. She grabbed her phone as I clenched my chest. I could hear her trying to stay calm on the phone as she called the police and asked for an ambulance. It was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.
When I woke up I heard the fainting noise of a machine beeping and hush tones of people whispering. "What is wrong with him?" I heard Nubbie's voice.
"PTSD,"
"Panic attack,"
"Next of kin?"
"Call Terra?"
Those was some phrases I heard of the conversation between Nubbie and the doctor. I let my eyes adjust to the light before I cleared my throat. It felt sore and dry.
"Devin!" Nubbie called as she approached my bedside and hug me.
"Water," I said.
She quickly went to get me some water while the doctor checked my vitals and asked me some questions.
"So Mr. Jamestown was this the first time you experienced these panic attacks?" He asked.
" No, I think for a few months now, it started after the divorce from my ex wife,"
"Yes something as traumatic as a divorce can be taxing on the mind, was there something traumatic that happen that caused this one?" He asked.
"My friend asked me to marry her," I said.
"Friend? She said she was your girlfriend," he said.
"Right, maybe she didn't want you to kick her out but she is a childhood friend," I said.
"Right, I have a few other questions for you," he said.
He asked me how long I had been feeling some other symptoms. He referred me to a psychiatrist and told me to take some time to rest since the whole ordeal was taxing on my body physically. After he left Nubbie came back in. She sat the water down and collected her things.
"Nubbie where are you going?" I asked as I sat up.
"I am glad you are fine now, if you excuse me this friend has work to do, I called Sobah so he should be here soon," she said as she put on her coat.
"Wait, babe I didn't mean to say all that I just wanted to protect you," I said as I reached for her hand.
She snatched it away and turn to me with teary eyes. "Babe? Now you wanna call me babe? I don't need fucking protecting Devin! I am not some play toy you can fuck and put back in it's box I am a human!" She wiped her tears away as she grabbed her purse and head to the door.
"Wait Nubbie," I called.
"I am here Devin, not her! Me! I was there when she left you with nothing, I help you get connections back, I thought we could build together. I have been in love with you for ten years and when you told me you were going to marry her I stepped aside, I would never hurt you the way she did but you...you just keep jabbing my heart like it's a fucking game," she cried.
"Nubbie I-" I couldn't get anything out before I saw her back and then the door slam shut.
My head and heart was shattering in pieces. I didn't mean to say those things. Why did I say it? Was it me that was afraid to start something new or was I really protecting her? I didn't want to reduce our love to friendship I never want to. I was so blinded by Terra manipulative ways back then that I didn't even realize until I was out of the relationship. I wanted to explain all of this to Nubbie but she wouldn't answer her phone. I called and left 15 voicemails.
"I'm here!" Sobah yelled, startling me as he slammed the door open.
"Sobah, I fucked up," I said.
He approached me slowly as tears formed in my eyes. "Devin," he spoke softly. He pulled me into a hug and I begin to sob. This was the first time I cried. The first time I let myself feel the emotions of everything from that year and the pain I gave to Nubbie just now. I couldn't even make out words and I gripped on my friend's shoulder. He just pat my back.
"I know, I was waiting for this moment to happen, I knew it was coming," he said.
I didn't stop crying for two hours. It was only when I got to the point of almost throwing up and my head and eyes hurting that I was done. I laid down, exhausted from the whole day. Sobah spend the night with me. He fell asleep in the chair next to my bed. I kept thinking of Nubbie. I texted and deleted a thousand words to say to her. She may never forgive me for this.
"You still trying to figure out words to say?" Sobah grumbled in his sleep.
"Yes, I want Nubbie and no one else," I said.
Alrighty Baddies how is Devin going to salvage this situation. Poor baby with post divorce trauma. It's a thing and can cause PTSD along side abuse he suffered from Terra. Hopefully Dubbie can fix things~TB
