Black Butterfly || Anakin Skywalker x Reader

33 - The Sweetest Kind of Freedom

Song that helped inspire this chapter:
Video Games by Lana Del Rey

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3.1k words

"Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom."

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I laid in bed and gazed at the ceiling with wide eyes that burned with a desire for the relief brought by a blink.

Images of my sins flooded my mind, and I was envisioning him down there, praising my body with every kiss and gentle touch. I clutched the blanket in my hands before bringing it over my face, "This is not gonna end well," I whined to myself and held back from screaming into the fabric, only because I didn't want anyone to hear me.

I didn't regret what I allowed to happen, and I think that's what I feel the worst about. I've tired countless time to convince myself that I wasn't feeling anything real towards him, that it was all in my head or that I was only grieving — but I can't ignore the way he's been making me feel, even before things went downhill with Connor.

So the begging question is — what am I going to do about it?

And at the moment, my answer is — I have no fucking idea.

I know I should continue to do my job and expose him for all of his lies and corruption. That's what my honor and loyalty were telling me to do at least. But my heart has never been against anything more than that. It involuntarily aches whenever I think about him being shoved behind bars, his gaze glossing over with pain, loathing, and betrayal—a gaze that would be directed straight at me when he learns the truth. He's just not who I walked in here thinking he was, he's so kind, compassionate—a little moody with a hint of anger issues—but he was also caring, considerate, and loyal to his family.

I expected the complete opposite, so that makes it hard to detest him like I should.

It's a lose-lose situation for me, and I have never been more lost than I am right now. And what made it all the more frustrating, was that there wasn't a single person I could turn to for advice.

I had to figure all of this out on my own.

My harrowing thoughts were interrupted by a light tapping on the bedroom door. I sat up in the bed, "Who is it?" I asked, thinking it might be Ahsoka checking on me or possibly coming to embarrass me by telling me she heard everything. But when I was lost in the moment, I hardly thought about anything else except him. So remembering that Ahsoka and Piett could possibly hear me was at the back of my mind.

"Me," A smooth voice responded from the other side of the door, and I nearly began to panic when I realized it wasn't her — but him, "Can I come in? I promise to keep my hands to myself." Anakin said with a bit of humor to his tone.

I'm positive the reason he's here is becausel not long after I crossed a line. I may have ran away from him. I didn't know what to say or what to do — so I fixed my clothes and ran inside and up the stairs.