Maybe I'll heal

Trauma buddies

Tubbo led his friend inside of his house. The room (combined with the living room and kitchen) they arrived in reeked of alcohol. A man with mutton chops slumped in a recliner chair, and smoke rose from a stream above it. Tommy's hands shook and he was so glad he wasn't face to face with the man because he wouldn't have been able to handle it. "Toby, go grab me a beer." "There's no beer in the fridge, I told you earlier.." Tubbo hesitantly admitted. "Then go n' grab me some.. Take my wallet, if ya' do then you can buy a pack for yerself too."  Tubbo nodded, grabbing the man's wallet off the table.

Tubbo led Tommy out, and the two walked to the convenience store closest to the house. "Do you drink?" Tommy asked curiously. "..Yeah,  helps with my depression. Do you?" "I'm an orphan, never really got the chance." "Makes sense, wanna try?" Tommy paused. Should I? ...Fuck it. "Sure- Oh my gosh wait we can trauma bond!" "Trauma buddies pog?" Tommy fist bumped Tubbo before they both snickered at their bittersweet lives.

The two entered the convenience store, wallet in hand. Tubbo picked up two crates of generic beer and brought them up to the counter. "Again?" The cashier asked, pity laced throughout his expression. "Yeah. I got his ID and the money to pay for it, can you take it?" The cashier nodded guiltily and rung up the beer before setting the two off on their way. "Stay safe boys!" "We will!" The two replied, heading back to Tubbo's house. They set a crate of beer next to the now sleeping Schlatt and took two from the other pack before setting it into the fridge and going up to Tubbo's room.

The room was cramped and resembled a storage room, but it was actually pretty comfortable. "Wanna go on the roof? I have a cool spot up there." Tubbo requested. Tommy agreed and the two went up and sat themselves in the middle of the roof. They sat there for 2 hours, drinking beer and mostly just talking about traumatic shit. "This actually did make me feel better, Tubs. Thanks." Tommy said, smiling faintly. Tubbo hummed in agreement. "You wanna go home? I know Phil gets helicopter-y when his kids are out too long."

Kids? I'm his kid? No. I'm just his houseguest. Phil doesn't see me as his son.
"Yeah, I should get going, wanna hang out at the pedo's party tomorrow? That is, if Phil lets me go." Tubbo agreed and the two went their separate ways, agreeing to walk together the next day. Tommy opened the front door and took off his coat before entering the dining room and sitting down. "Would you like any dinner?" "I'm ok."

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Everybody stayed silent before Wilbur spoke up. "Why do you smell like alcohol, Tommy?" Technoblade choked on his water. Phil froze. They all awaited Tommy's reaction. "Tubbo's dad is an alcoholic." Tommy replied.

Nobody spoke for a long while before Techno broke the silence. "Can I go to Dream's party tomorrow night? I assume you guys got invited too since he invited everybody in the school." Phil thought for a moment. "If you take your brothers and make sure they don't get their hands on like, a bomb or some shit then you can go." "Pogggg." Brothers? He must've misspoken. He doesn't think of me as his son, I haven't done anything to deserve that.

The dinner finished after a few more minutes of awkward silence, and every family member returned back to their rooms.

Tommy sat on his bed again, staring at the floor. He just felt empty. He didn't want to do anything. His thoughts propelled him deeper and deeper into a spiraling hole. He was drowning. He longed for someone to save him from his thoughts, while simultaneously finding himself selfish for wishing so. He stared at his arms. It felt like shit crawling under his skin, and a small yet ever-growing sadistic part of him wanted to get them out. He scratched at his arms rapidly, and he felt as though his mind was spinning while he breathed inward and outward faster and faster. Tears ran down his cheeks and he gripped his arms tightly.

A searing sting rose in his arms as he looked down, revealing nail-shaped wounds. Blood beaded at the top of them as the blonde panicked. How do I get rid of the blood?! Shit, how do I hide it?? In a pure moment of panicking, he simply lifted his arm up to his mouth and licked the blood off. It works. He thought, copying it with his other arm. The part of him seeped into his subconscious. He liked it. The pain helped him feel something, so it's good.

...Fuck he was tired. Tears still rolled down his cheeks, and his breath never got any slower. He just wanted to sleep. Soon he was just talking to himself. His pillow was drenched with tears. He paused when he heard a soft knock on the door. Tommy shook violently, and he backed up into a corner in his room. Help. Help. Help. He panicked to himself over and over. His door softly opened, and behind it was Wilbur. His soft, curly hair fell to his eye, and he wore a honey yellow sweater. He looked at Tommy with a protective glint in his eye, and he instantly shut the door.

"Are you ok?" Wilbur asked. His words shook the blonde to his core. The younger instantly jumped into his arms. He couldn't remember the last time someone had asked. He broke down, sobbing deeply into the man's chest. The taller stroked his blonde hair lightly, whispering assurances. "I-I just- I can't-" Tommy wailed, gripping onto the older's sweater. "It's ok, it's not your fault." Wilbur said softly, his knee bouncing nervously. Jesus, what happened to this kid? He rubbed circles into the other's back.

After a while, Tommy calmed down. He yawned as he wiped tears off his face. Wilbur looked at him with concern. "Are you going to be ok for tonight?" Tommy nodded, sheepishly thanking the older.

It'll be a long school year.

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Hey guys. I know nobody is gonna read this, but thanks if you do. Hope you enjoyed.
I'm totally not just writing my (tweaked) life story into Tommy what are you talking about

Date finished: Sunday, May 8th, 2022
Words: 1104
Signed, Kiki
Pronouns: She/Her