My Own Worst Enemy

NDA

I hope y'all are ready for this. Because 😮‍💨

Christian closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, trying to hold back the tears he felt burning his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I just... I'm confused? I... I don't know. I'm just confused."

Grace looked down and nodded, hearing the pain in his voice. She could've done that differently. She knew it would hurt him, especially after what they just shared.

"Please, Gracie. I don't know what I did wrong. Did I move too fast? Did you... I know you said yes but I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry. Please, Gracie. Please don't leave me again," Christian pleaded, losing the battle of strength. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He couldn't lose them again.

"Christian, no," Grace whispered, pulling her shorts up and moving over to him. "I wanted that. I promise." She knew she needed to start there. She needed to assure him that he didn't hurt her. "You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. It's me, Chris. It's all me."

Christian shook his head as he wrapped his arms around her, looking up at the ceiling so he could school his expression. He couldn't be weak. He couldn't let himself get hurt anymore.

"Can I come with?" He asked quietly, his heart already anticipating the shake of her head.

"I need to do this for me. I need to figure out who I am. I went from being an unknown virgin to having Christian Yelich's son and raising him alone in less than a year. I have no idea who I am anymore," she said gently, confused by the outfielder's sudden rigidity.

"Virgin?" He whispered, his eyes full of horror.

"What?" Grace asked, confusion written plain on her face. She didn't realize that this was new information to Christian. "I mean, yeah? You're literally the only person who has shown an interest in me, Chris." Grace's self deprecating chuckle broke Christian's heart.

"I'm so sorry, Gracie. My god. I'm so sorry," he whispered, the tears breaking free. "I didn't know. If I knew I would've been so much more careful. I would've taken it slow." The ways they fucked in Milwaukee that blustery April crashed through his memories. He was the furthest thing from gentle. Her whines and whimpers made more sense now.

"I mean it's whatever," she shrugged, looking anywhere else. She was way over that part. She needed to be.

"It's not, Grace," he snapped, holding her even tighter. "I knew what I was doing. I knew what felt good to me. But I had a total disregard for what felt right to you, because I thought you'd know and tell me. I thought... god. I'm sorry. You're right. You... you need to be far away from me. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything..." Christian gulped and let go, looking away so she wouldn't see his tears. "Just... let me be in his life? I just... I need him to know me."

"Christian, don't do that. I love you," Grace was confused by this shift.

"I love you, too. So very, very much Grace Kennedy Johnson. That's why I need you to go. I need you to find out who you are. Even if that means you are not someone who loves me," the smile on his face was so incredibly sad and it nearly broke him. "I need to see you succeed. I know you don't want any money from me, but let me just get you a house and a safe car for you and El? Nothing gaudy. Just to make sure you are safe and cared for."

Grace reluctantly agreed. That meant she could probably just have a full time and a part time job, rather than two full time jobs and a part time job. She may even get to go back to volunteering. Not having a car payment or rent would be huge. "I'll pick them out, though. Just so that I know you aren't overspending, yeah?"

Christian just nodded, letting his cold wall slam down for the first time since March of 2018. He needed to let go of her. "I will try to get out there this off-season to spend time with Elliott. You don't have to be there or anything. I'd never force you into anything."

Grace could hear the double meaning of his words and it hurt her soul a little bit.

"I know," she whispered, taking a deep breath before going to pack. Her head knew this was the right decision. But her heart was screaming at her to stay.

***

Christian visited Elliott a few times in that first month, but had cited family obligations at Christmas. To say Grace was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. And she let Christian know it, too.

"Your son has his first birthday, and you're going to be half a country away, Christian. Yes, I'm mad," she scoffed as she turned into the hotel parking lot. It was Christmas Eve and the snow was falling in that pretty way that stuck to the evergreens and made the world around you look like a snowglobe.

"You could come here, Y'know. My mom hasn't met her grandson yet," Christian threw the compromise out there, but knew it was all for naught. He heard the determination in her voice.

"Sure, and then Cameron and Collin can laugh at the fat bitch that trapped you," she scoffed and rolled her eyes, dotting some chapstick over her ruby lips. "Whatever. Be in the place that's clearly more important. I'll deal with the boy that asks for daddy every night."

Grace knew it was cruel to hang up, but she had a client at 6. And it was a very important one.

***

Grace watched the clock as the bed rocked, wincing as he once again crossed the only boundary she had. "Watch it, dude."

The man above her chuckled and re-entered her. "Just makin sure you were awake," he smirked, taking on a pace she knew she'd feel during physical therapy. She watched the clock tick over another minute and she turned on the dramatics, starting slow and building, jerking her hips to make sure it was believable.

"Always a pleasure, babes," she gritted out as a warm substance dripped down her leg. "That's an extremely $200 and you know it," she raised her brow, smirking when the venmo went through. "See ya next week, Max."

Grace sighed as she found the bathroom, hoping a piss and wipe would be enough. 

Almost immediately she heard a ping on her phone. She really only had time for one more; it was nearing 3am and Elliott woke up at 6. She wanted to be showered and have breakfast ready.

New Client. NDA. $25,000. Two hours. 3421.

Gracie's eyes bulged when she saw the number. She didn't know what this new client had in store, but she would do damn near anything for that amount.

Making her way to the elevator, she hit P for penthouse and made sure everything was laying just right. Though, nothing would've prepared her for what she saw when she opened the door.

Christian.