My Own Worst Enemy

Promised

Christian sent Collin home, muttering something about going back in a few days. He needed to break before he put himself together. He needed to at least see Elliott.

Christian screamed into his pillow, finally letting the tears fall. He just wanted to be with Grace. He wanted to be around her at all hours of the day. He wanted to hold her when she cries. Smile when she laughs. He wanted the ups and the downs.

He just wanted her.

And it killed him to know that she didn't want him and never really did. That he hurt her so deeply.

"Well for starters, they take my lead."

The line raced through his head over and over again; a constant loop. He couldn't believe how much he must've hurt her. How much being with him probably traumatized him.

He knew that she deserved him leaving. He just needed to know what was going to happen with Elliott.

***
Grace stopped at the impound lot on the way home, needing to sign the final papers that would destroy her 2011 RAV4. Not that there was much else left after the accident last June.

Grace signed on the dotted line, the movement of the tow truck dragging her gaze to the SUV. Taking in the damage, it truly was a miracle that she was alive.

She remembered the last second swerve to save Elliott. It was evident in the way the front bumper wrapped around and the driver's side caved in.

She didn't know how she was able to walk again; she had so many injuries. So many broken bones.

But she had so much support. A man who took her to every doctor's and physical therapy appointment. Who challenged her but listened to her pain and needs. A man who massaged her atrophying muscles. One who cared for their 6 month old. All while having a job that dragged him around the country every week.

She had Christian.

She couldn't believe she treated him the way she did, but she needed to get herself out of that situation. She needed to get away from the disappointment and disgust. So she did what she does best; she sabotaged herself and their relationship.

Grace let her tears fall as she approached her new subaru ascent, leaning against the door as she remembered Christian going over all the safety features he had installed. How he got the newest car seat for Elliott. He was so excited to provide for them.

She couldn't let herself disappoint him.

***

Grace pulled into the attached garage, wiping the tears she let fall during the drive. She needed to get over him.

She knew it was easier said than done, but she needed to for her sake. And for Elliott's.

Grace grabbed the remaining presents she'd grabbed for Elliott and made her way inside, the bags dropping out of her hands as she saw the new interior of her home.

It looked like a Christmas Pinterest board. Warm gold and green tones. Three perfectly placed and filled stockings over the fireplace. It was beautiful.

Two small stacks of presents caught Grace's attention and she peaked at the tag.

To: El Bug
From: Daddy

Christian did this? Grace let a chuckle out but it quickly devolved into broken sobs. She broke every chance she had with him. She knew that he was it for her. She knew no one would hold a candle to him.

And she destroyed it. 

Against her better judgement, she clicked on Christian's contact. It was 5:36am. No way he'd answer. But she called him anyway.

Of course he answered immediately. The small "Gracie?" Broke her further. She could barely catch a breath. She couldn't believe she ruined this.

"Gracie. Grace. Breathe. Please, baby girl." Of course he was concerned. Of course he cared about her feelings. "I'm on my way."

Gracie was still crying when she felt his arms wrap around her.

"You need to breathe," he whispered, gently running his hand through her blonde hair. "I'm here. I'm not leaving you."

Grace's sobs slowed to broken cries as she trembled in Christian's arms. She can't believe she almost let him go.

"Hi. There you are," Christian whispered, wrapping a deep green blanket around her shoulders. He guided her to the couch and grabbed a makeup wipe, gently wiping away the mascara that was rolling down her cheeks. "What's happening, baby? You really scared me there."

Grace closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. Even when he's hurting, he took care of her.

"I love you. And it's scary," she whispered, curling on to his lap. "I just don't want to go into this and you to realize that I'm too much to handle."

Christian shook his head, wrapping his arms around her even tighter. "I just want you to be happy, Grace. It's all I've ever wanted... no matter what that means for us."

Grace nodded, her eyes drifting close.

"Stay?" She begged, sleep weighing on her.

"Forever," he promised, kissing the top of her head.

He promised.