My Own Worst Enemy

Promises vs. Dreams

Gracie composed herself enough to get dressed, tears slowing just enough for her to see as she left the hotel. She stared at the ground the whole time, her entire world threatening to crumble around her.

This couldn't be real. This couldn't be what was happening. It was too late to have an abortion, and she would be shunned from her family if she dared to do it. She was going to be a single mom. A broke single mom in college...

God how did she get here.

She had a promising career ahead of her. She had never even had sex before... And now she's pregnant with a professional athlete's baby, and he wanted nothing to do with her. He left. And Gracie knew she couldn't say anything.

She wouldn't do that to Christian. She couldn't. Because, at the end of the day, she had fallen for him.

And just life in those stupid life alert commercials, she couldn't get up.

She couldn't risk his career and his livelihood. It wasn't her MO.

She didn't know what she was going to do, but she would figure it out.

She had no choice.

***

Gracie stepped off the bus, thanking her driver as she did so. She had time to think, and she hated that the best option for her would be moving back to Milwaukee. That's where her family was, and where she would be supported the most.

But, and this was a big one, Christian was there. Milwaukee was tiny. There was no escaping him when she was there, and she couldn't handle that. She couldn't handle having to see him everywhere as her baby grew. As their baby grew.

So she made another decision, and this one hurt so much more than any other she had made.

She was going to drop out of school and find a full time job... she had no other choice.

Her phone buzzed as she placed her fob over the censor and saw Christian's name illuminate the screen.

I'm sorry, Gracie. I'm not ready for a baby. I'm not sure what I'm ready for. I'll support you two, though... just keep it quiet.

Gracie let out a humorless chuckle, her hands shaking around her stuff. She was so stupid. Stupid to have sex with him. Stupid to get pregnant. Stupid to think this was anything more than sex.

He wasn't ready for a baby? She was only 21... practically a baby herself.

Don't even worry about it. Live your life, Christian.

God it hurt to send that. It hurt to admit to herself that she had feelings for a man who felt nothing but a boner for her.

Men suck.

***

Gracie spun in her desk chair, running a hand over her bump.

Christian texted her every day, begging for some attention from Gracie. But Gracie had to be strong. She had to be better, for herself and for her son.

Every so often, she would read Christian's texts, but they never showed her any sign of wanting a long-term. No sign of wanting her.

And Gracie couldn't handle the hurt. She couldn't handle the disappointment.

She just wanted the chance to be a good mother and to give her son the happiest life she could.

Gracie, when is you next doctor's appointment? How much is it?

She couldn't hold the tears anymore. She couldn't pretend that she was unfazed.

Did he honestly think this is what she wanted? A non-disclosure agreement and monthly checks?

Do you want to know when my next doctor's appointment is so that you can make sure your baby is healthy? Or is just so you know when to send your check?

She couldn't hold it in anymore. She saw his Instagram activity. She could connect the dots.

Gracie don't. Please. I care about you.

Gracie scoffed and leaned back, carefully crafting her response.

You either care about us, or you take the out. I gave you the chance to make this a clean break. Why do you keep bringing it forward?

The reply was almost immediate, and Gracie's heart froze. She didn't know what her next move would be if he said he wanted her and their baby. It would be a dream.

I'm sorry, Gracie. I'll leave you be.

Dreams are fucking stupid anyway.

***

24 Weeks.

More than half-way through her pregnancy, and two weeks since she blocked Christian's number.

Christian had been absolutely tearing the MLB apart, and he likely was going to win MVP.

And the hardest part was that she was proud. She wanted nothing more than to celebrate his accomplishments with him. Nothing more than to lay in his arms and talk to their son together.

Instead, she was leaving her ultrasound appointment alone and dealing with taking the blue line through post-Vikings game traffic.

She was stressed, tired, and had so many aches rolling throughout her body. She wanted someone to massage her back, but she knew that wasn't an option.

She didn't have a doting husband. Nobody to pamper her.

She was alone. And she would be for another 16 weeks, until her son entered the world.

"Oh, Elliot... Mama loves you so much. You'll never be alone as long as I'm alive," she smiled softly and grabbed the bag of steamed broccoli from the microwave. Her paychecks were more than enough to survive, but it wasn't a comfortable survival.

And it wouldn't be enough once he arrived.

She was going to have to swallow her pride and ask for help... but it sure as hell won't be Christian that she asked. She couldn't take that humiliation.

"We'll figure it out," she promised and closed her eyes. "I promise."

Promises weren't dreams. She had some amount of control over promises. She wouldn't ever let Elliot feel the sting of rejection and loneliness that his father had thrust upon her.

No one deserved that pain.