In Sequence | H.S.

01.

Madelyn Simmons.

Pair skating is one of the most difficult and strategic disciplines there is in figure skating. It's intimate and full of trust - two things that I never had to learn as a solo skater. Being alone on the ice was empowering. It gave me the freedom to showcase myself without having anyone contribute to my worth. My scores were a reflection of myself, and that's what I loved about it.

These days, the yearn for power and dominance sways me to a bed rather than the ice. Sleeping with strangers mimics the same sense of empowerment that skating gave me; the synchronous communication between our bodies puts the control back in my hands. After years of everyone's eyes holding so much judgment towards me, putting everyone at mercy of my own critiques builds an ache for more. It's like an addiction, a secret shared with the sheets of my choosing to keep.

Which is exactly why I'm sitting on the edge of Harry Styles' bed, one of the biggest professional hockey stars, putting my clothes on before he wakes up.

Don't get me wrong, last night was so fun. Like entirely gratifying. He kissed me like he saw a version of me worth getting to know, and he spoke to me like he wasn't afraid to hold back. He shared his opinions and listened to mine, and when comfortable silence crept in, his lips filled the void with gentle kisses.

He made me want to stay, and I did, longer than I would ever usually allow for myself. Just like skating, time mattered. The longer your skate time is, the worse the outcome is. I limit my exposure to anyone I sleep with, because physical connection has the potential to become an emotional connection, and connections turn to dependence. I told myself that when I quit skating, I'd stop letting others determine my worth, especially men that wanted to score my body off of the ice and back in their bedroom.

Maybe that's why Harry felt different. He was cocky in the charming way that made me want to pine for his attention, but he so easily navigated our conversation in a way that made me feel heard, like he genuinely cared about what I was saying.

He was good at making me want to stay even longer, just by the idea of him.

But I have an important job introduction in a few hours and I need to go get ready. I don't want to wait until he wakes up to kick me out. I've heard the horror stories that come from Harry's doorway during sunrise and they're not pretty tales to be heard. The reputation that circulates about him is hard to believe after our encounter, but I can't stick around any longer and ruin the picturesque memory of last night.

As I'm slipping my shoes on and looking at my phone to see when my ride will get here, I hear a breathy whimper and tossle under the sheets. I need to hurry because if he wakes up, the pure embarrassment of being kicked out will keep me up at night. My phone vibrates indicating that my Uber is pulling up. I grab my coat from the bar chair in the kitchen and try to contain my thoughts when I look around and see the complete mess we made in his living room.

Again, like I said, a really fun night.

While opening the door I heard a raspy morning voice calling my name and the only response I gave him was the sound of his front door closing.

___

Walking through the men's locker room in order to get to the conference room is incredibly embarrassing — and it's even more embarrassing when there's a half naked hockey team taking up residency with only a towel wrapped around their waists after their post game showers. Staring straight ahead, trying to ignore the whispers and objectifying stares. I continue to the door at the end of the hall, eventually putting my knuckles up to knock and holding my breath. It's really important to me that I start off this job right. After what happened last time, I can't afford for this to go down the drain. My life has already gone off the rails and this is my backup plan..