The Vow

17

It's already 2am and I can't sleep.

Natapos kami magbonfire around 1am, pero hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako tulog. I get up from my bed and nagsuot ng hoodie at lumabas ng room ko. Tulog na sila lahat.

Kumuha ako ng isang canned beer sa fridge na andito sa villa at umupo sa may hagdanan pababa sa buhanginan, medyo elevated kasi yung villa eh.

I am just looking at the peaceful place, may mga bar parin na open pero tahimik na kahit may mga tao parin. I looked at the moon, and smiled.

"Thank you for making me this happy again while being at the place I first got traumatized. A beautiful place with a disastrous memory, but, my memory I will have here now is as beautiful and great like the place itself. A very heavenly place with a very genuine memory I have now. I never thought I will be this happy again. Indeed a Happy Birthday Belle Kasandra Leigh Cooper. You're slowly being born again to the girl you were before those people ruined you. I'm happy for you, you're such a strong girl facing your fears with a strong support system. I'm proud of you, self. We're slowly doing it, we're slowly getting our freedom again, and it's the best feeling" I said while looking at the moon like I am reflecting myself on it.

A tear fell from my eyes, I am indeed happy right now, these people I am with here is making me happy.

Especially him.

I thought to myself and smiled.

"I am also proud of you, cutie"

Napalingon ako sa nagsalita and saw Elijah holding a bottle of beer and sit beside me.

"Can't sleep?"

"Yeah, you too?"

"Mhm" I said and nodded. "Maybe I am overjoyed, coz seriously, this heavenly place became hell for me when I almost got drowned and I thought I will never be able to come here again, but, I did, and I even made a very great memory with my family, and with you. Wala pang isang araw na andito tayo pero sapat na yun para mapalitan yung tragic memory ko dito, the memories and the things we all did here for today was enough to replace my bad memory here, and I am starting to love the place I first hated when I was a kid."

"Mas masaya kapag sumuong ka sa dagat. Maybe not now, but, sana, bumalik tayo dito because you want to face your fear of ocean. Take it slow" sabi nya. "I'm always here to be with you"

"Why are you like this to me? You're kind of crossing the doctor-patient boundary, you even kissed me"

"And you responded. I didn't force or beg you to respond, but, you did. Why?"

Shit!

"I-I....I asked your first" singhal ko kaya natawa sya ng mahina.

"I can't say you're dense coz you asked about it, but, isn't it obvious? I mean, girls like you believes in Action speaks louder than words, correct me if I'm wrong"

"How did you even know that I believe in that phrase?" Mataray kong tanong.

"I'm your psychiatrist, Beka. I kind of learned how your mind works or function, plus, your past. You don't believe in words anymore, you don't believe in promises, except if it comes from your parents and brother. So, I'm doing actions rather saying a word that I know you will not believe"

"I am not in the mood to play mind games" I said.

"Well, maybe this might let you know about why I am doing this" sabi nya.

Magtatanong pa sana ako pero paglingon ko sa kanya, labi nya ang sumalubong sa labi ko.

He fucking kissed me again.

I was in shock by what he did, but, I can't fucking push him.

I felt satisfied when I felt his kiss.

Fucking shit!

Fine!

I admit it!

I also want this kiss!

What the fuck did this man do to me?

I felt his lips move, so I also moved my lips to sync with his rhythm. I closed my eyes as we kiss passionately.

His kiss is so careful, like I am a fragile glass that will break if he kiss me roughly. I felt so safe in his kisses, relieved, and I felt love??

Totoo ba? O baka nasisiyahan lang ako sa halik nya kaya ko nafeel yun?

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss while also being careful, siguro para hindi ako mabastusan sa paraan ng halik nya.

He lightly bit my lower lip that made me open it and he entered his tongue and tasted every corner of my fucking mouth. He's fucking tasting me!

"Mmm" I can't help but make a sound at the way he kissed me.

He stopped when that sound came out.

Did it turn him off? Pangit ba ko gumawa ng sound?

"Before you overthink, I love the sound you made, and the fact that I am the reason behind it, I love it. It's like music to my ears. I am not a vocal person, Beka. But, I will for you, for the first time in my life, I will be vocal of what I really feel, because it's you. Your lips and mouth tasted so sweet, you're making me addicted to your sweet lips."

"E-Eli"

"I won't beg, kasi ayokong mapilitan ka. But, Beka, I'm serious about you, if I need to court you, I will do it. I don't have an experience in courting tho, pero andyan naman mga kaibigan ko at daddy ko to guide me or even help me sa panliligaw sayo. I will do everything just for you to let me in. I understand, except from your family, you don't let people in your life that easily. Hunter and Gigi told me na even si Tita Ella umabot ng almost 2 years para papasukin mo sa buhay mo, Gigi took almost 3 years para matanggap mo sya para sa kuya mo. I won't promise pero ipaparamdam ko nalang sayo na handa akong maghintay kahit ilang taon pa yan papasukin mo lang ako sa buhay mo, coz I love you, Beka." Sabi nya.

I felt my heart skipped a beat because of what he said.

"E-Eli"

"Fuck! Even you calling me Eli makes my heart skip a beat. Your voice is like a music to my ears. I thought at first I was just interested kasi sa past mo, but, fuck no! I even want to be with you while you're facing every fear of yours. I want to be beside you, mentally, physically, and emotionally. When I kissed you sa rooftop noon, it wasn't my plan, it was never in my plan because you might think that I am taking advantage of you. Pero after ng halik na yun, dun ko narealize, tangina, hulog na hulog na ko, and I have no plan of stopping whatever it is"

"E-Eli.... Y-You know me, right? I-I d-don't know i-if maibabalik ko yung pakiramdam na yan sayo"

"That's least of my concern, Beka. You're the most beautiful uncertain thing in this world. Gagawin ko lahat para magustuhan mo rin ako, kaya nga liligawan kita eh"

I like you

I badly want to say it, kaso natatakot ako.

Paano kung hindi nga nya ako saktan pero ako naman ang makasakit sa kanya?

Paano kung magawa ko iyong ginawa ng nanay ko?

Hinding hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung sakali.