Sink

chapter seven

A/N: Dedicated to my awesome best friend castielfellagain because she's my bestie and yeah that's about it.
(〜^∇^)〜

The two lovers moved into the apartment the next day. Samandriel was so excited - finally, a place he could call home.

Home.

The word was so foreign on his tongue. The only home he had ever known was...well, Adam.

They settled in and unpacked everything and spent their first night in their own home watching Frozen. Go figure. Samandriel and Adam danced along to 'Love is an Open Door' and even did the little heart-around-the-moon thing with perfect timing. Then, they cuddled tightly in their own bed and fell asleep with no one but each other on their minds.

---

The week passed by quickly. New Years passed. And then, it was time for Adam to go back to Mississippi.

They spent the night before he left getting all cuddly (nudge nudge wink wink) in their bed, and then curled up to each other for the last time in a long time.

Then the morning came. It broke through the window shades like it was breaking Samandriel's heart. He had gotten no sleep last night, he had stayed awake and stared at Adam all night, tracing the curve of his jaw, his lips, the arch of his eyebrows.

"Do you really have to go?" Samandriel asked as Adam stirred awake.

"I wish I didn't," Adam whispered and Samandriel choked down a sob and the urge to say, Then just stay.

Adam gave Samandriel a kiss on the forehead, before getting up to get ready for the airport. Samandriel sighed and turned around, burying his face into Adam's pillow, memorizing the scent of his shampoo that would soon wash away the longer Adam was gone. He sighed once again, feeling the urge to cry. His Adam was here, and now he's going to be gone again.

Then reality struck harder than before.
I won't be able to see Adam for three months.

Samandriel swallowed the lump rising in his throat. He heard a door open and someone crawl in next to him. The strong figure pulled him close and held on tightly for a long time.

"Adam..." Samandriel whispered and Adam sighed, kissing the shorter boy's head.

"I'm sorry."

They sat in a small silence for a while. Suddenly, Ellen called.

It was time to go to the airport.

---

They sat at the airport in silence, staring at each other, not knowing what to say other than, Goodbye, and, I'll miss you.

Adam wanted to say the words I love you until they wore out. He wanted to hold Samandriel until it was just them in the world. He just wanted to stay.

The flight was called. Adam turned to look at Samandriel, the pain in his eyes breaking Adam's heart. They held tightly onto each other, before pulling away, kissing for a long time, since this will be the last kiss for three long months.

Adam pulled away sadly after feeling Samandriel's lips quiver, as if he were trying not to cry. They stayed close for a second.

"I love you," Adam whispered, trying to hold his tears back.

Don't leave me, was what Adam heard through the broken, "I love you too."

Adam said bye to Ellen, then turned back to Samandriel. He leaned in close, letting his lips touch Samandriel's ear.

"When college is said and done, we're getting married," he whispered, before kissing Samandriel once more. They exchanged 'I love you's once more before Adam boarded the plane, waving as he walked away.

Samandriel didn't realize how heavy losing Adam was until they boarded the car.

That's when he let the tears fall.

---

Samandriel was having a panic attack. He was curled in a ball, his breathing heavy, his heart race accelerating far higher than it should. He cried into his knees and tried to steady his breathing.

The home phone rang. Samandriel let it.

Finally, a message was left.

"Hey, Sammie. It's Adam. Just calling to let you know the plane landed safely. I...I love you, Sammie," his voice broke and his breathing shuttered. "Call me back when you can." The message ended.

Samandriel held onto himself tightly. Hearing Adam's voice had calmed him down some. But not enough.

He scrambled around the house, desperate in finding one thing.

A lighter.

---

Samandriel's desperate search ended when he realized there were no lighters in the house. Maybe Adam had done that on purpose. Maybe not. After all, it had been a while since...

Samandriel walked out of the door, the cool, crisp air meeting his face like a slap. He knew exactly where he was going.

The bridge.

The walk wasn't long - maybe ten minutes. Once he saw the familiar bridge, he felt a smile slip onto his face. He got to the top and ran his hand along the railing, staring at the black water below. He looked up at those stupid, lovely city lights.

A sense of longing filled him. He ran through the memories he had on this bridge. The staring at the cold water. The wanting to jump. His and Adam's first kiss. When Adam saved him.

"If you jump, I'll jump with you," Adam's voice whispered in his ear. He looked up. No Adam. Just wind.

Samandriel sighed and stared down at the water, watching as the waves crashed against rocks. He sank into his imagination again, imagining the old lighter he had thrown away buried in the sand at the bottom. He imagined fish swimming by it. Water snails climbing over it.

He missed it.

But it was buried now. Buried like his old, depressed self.

But it was resurfacing.

He was going back to the way he was before Adam came along and saved him.

And without Adam...well, what's the point?

---

Samandriel crawled into the lonely bed that night, tired and cold. He curled up and pretended Adam was there, but it wasn't the same. Adam wasn't here with him. Adam was several states away.

His house phone rang again and he sighed, too tired to answer it. It rang for forever until the call ended and a message was left.

"Sammie, it's Adam again. I know I called you earlier, but it's been three hours. I just want to hear your voice again. I miss you. Please."

Samandriel sprang up from the bed and recalled Adam, the boy almost answering immediately.

"Adam, I'm sorry for not answering earlier I was-"

"Busy?" Adam asked softly.

"You could say that," Samandriel sighed. "I was having a panic attack and then...I went to the bridge."

"You went to the bridge?"

"It's been forever. And yeah. Still looks the same. Still feels the same. I miss you," Samandriel changed the conversation quickly. "I wish you...I wish I could see you."

Adam knew what Samandriel was going to say.

I wish you stayed.

"I'll be back home before you know it, Sammie," Adam whispered.

"Three months," Samandriel muttered, tears invading his eyes.

"Three months. I love you."

"I love you more."

"If you say so..."