The Therapy

Chapter 04

When I left Robert's house, I decided to go to the beach to be alone. I didn't want to go to Maya's and meet her and Carina. I needed to feel my sadness and anger at myself without the presence of other people.

Part of me was feeling terrible about Robert's reaction to knowing I'd slept with Beckett. But I confess that there was a small part of my soul relieved that I didn't have anything else about me that he didn't know. There are no more secrets from me.

Later, when I returned to Maya's house, I was grateful that no one was there. So I went to my room, chose a sad movie to watch so I could cry quietly, letting the guilt of my tears fall on the movie, while I was pretty sure that wasn't why I was crying.

My next appointment with Diane wasn't until the following week and I was anxious and a little anxious to be able to tell her everything that had happened.

Diane: From the state of your face, I'm guessing you're not doing well.

Andy: Now I've lost Robert forever.

Diane: Who told you that?

Andy: If you had seen how furious he was when I told him what I did, you wouldn't be asking me that question. He kicked me out of his house and slammed the door.

Diane: So let's think the opposite. What if it was with you? If he came to your house and said he slept with your boss. How would you react?

Andy: I ​​think my reaction would be the same as his. I already expected him to act like this, but as much as I was imagining this situation, it's horrible to know that he now hates me.

Diane did that annoying moment of silence that she likes to do. That moment when the only noise inside the office is the sound of my thoughts.

And there I was again thinking that, for a lot less, I'd also slammed our bedroom door in his face, not letting him tell me any justification. I let him feel my anger by ignoring him for over 10 months. I'm feeling exactly what I made him feel. However, the difference is that he has reason to treat me that way, while I had no reason to have kicked him out of my life.

Andy: This feeling I'm feeling right now is bad. And it only gets worse when I think I did the same to him when I left home.

Diane: There are some situations that only time can alleviate. This is one of them. Robert has a right to feel that hurt. Give him the time he needs and in the meantime, let's continue our sessions. Who knows, later on, he will have a cooler head and you can try a new conversation.

Andy: You're right. I need to respect that moment of his. As much as I am also suffering, I imagine he is even more hurt than I am.

Diane: Well, changing the subject, for our session today, I want to talk about Station 23. You noted in your paper that you work at the worst station in Seattle. Why do you tell me this?

Andy: Because it's the truth. With the exception of Theo, the team is made up of a few assholes who make sexist jokes all the time. They have no hygiene habits and the food there is horrible. My job has become just a job now.

Diane: Wow. It must be really bad to work in such an environment. And what have you been doing to change this reality?

Andy: Absolutely nothing. I don't have that power.

Diane: You may not have the power to lead the team. You can't change the character of the people on that team, but you can change how much it affects you. Don't let the other's faults get to you. Don't absorb the sexist jokes. You are a great woman and strong enough to know that, no matter what they say, you do your job excellently. Of all the firefighters I've talked to, without a doubt, you've always been the most passionate about this profession. I always noticed that about you.