Half A Heartbeat Away

19

•Milena Blackford•

Entering through the front door, it's sufficient to say my mother gave me the tightest hug that squeezed all the air out of me. I closed my arms around her and squeezed back, missing her warmth and touch for the past several weeks.

While my hug lasted for a couple of seconds, hers took a while. "Mom..I'm alright, you can release me now". I say smiling lighthearted. She immediately backs a bit "Sorry, sorry honey, it's just that I've missed you. How are you feeling? Is the fever back?" She asks, her eyes inspecting me for any sort of illness.

"I'm alright. Thankfully, it's over with" I reply and grab her elbow to move over to the living room.

"Are you sure?" She was one persistent woman, but I can't blame her, if someone told me my child was sick, I'd be worried as much as she did if not even more. It was all because she cared. That's the thing, she did. Other people *ahem ahem cue my father* haven't talked to me in months otherwise for the casual "how're you doing", it's not like he stays long enough to know the answer either, he's always busy with something. When I say always I mean all the damn time. He doesn't have time for us -Miguel and I-, heck he doesn't even make time for mom, but that was an issue on its own. After years of trying hard and communicating and expressing my feelings, nothing's changed, so I've just decided to give up on it.

We moved to the couch in the living room and I've pushed away the feeling of bitterness, my mom sat opposite me and we started chatting about the most random things.

A while later, we heard shouting in dad's office. It wasn't unusual, he was a short tempered person with a stressful job. What perked our ears is the person shouting on the other end. Usually, it would be father against someone on the phone, so we wouldn't hear both ends. The roaring voice of Miguel caught both my mom and I's attention and we raced to the office without a second thought.

"What's going on?" I ask, she shakes her head frantically while advancing towards them "I haven't got a clue".

"You can't do this!" Shouts my brother from behind the wall separating us from them.

"Oh, but I can and I will. Plus, I've already did it once, what makes you think you're invincible?" Comes out the furious voice of father.

Before this can escalate further into a physical sense, we burst through the door. They eye us both seething in rage and we just exchange clueless looks around.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?" Mom crosses her arms and looks around expectantly waiting for an answer.

Miguel takes one last raged look at dad and barely controlled says "It's private matter between us. We were having a conversation about something and didn't agree. There's nothing to worry about" He exclaims and all four of us present in the room know that it's bullshit. I notice Miguel clench his fists in wrath.

Mom chuckles sweetly but venomously "Nothing to worry about my ass! What's going on here? I want answers now!" She threatens knotting her brows to express her anger and dad scratches his hand against his head.

Miguel sighs and the tension is evident from the up straight stance he's taken. But he's not saying anything.

"I was just informing Miguel about..this deal that I had to make. He's to marry Alfonso's daughter in six months" Dad says almost shamefully while mom just sighs and moves her hands on her head, massaging her temples. The woman simply had had enough.

"Why would you do that?" She asks in a calm tone, we all knew that she tried her best to control it, otherwise he'd unleash a beast.

"I..well it was a goo—" He starts but she stares at him knowingly "Don't you dare say it was a good deal, or that it would benefit us greatly" she says and he clears his throat clearly uncomfortable. She's the only person who knows how to put him in his place.

"Miguel..do you want this marriage?" She turns over to him, he's got the look of distress across his face. He was deep in thought that mom had to call out to him and repeat her question.

"Not in the slightest". He answers and mom quirks an eyebrow.

"Well of course he doesn't, no one does at the beginning, but then they adjust. Just look at Milena" Father defends his sly actions with me as an example and I flared my nose trying not to break a vase or two.

"It was pure luck that Beckham turned out to be a good man. I was expecting her to walk in covered in bruises the first time she came over after her marriage. Still, it doesn't make it right" She says and I nod in agreement.

"Not that you would've noticed in the first place" I add the last part out of bitterness. He deserved every word thrown at him for trying to control our lives.

"Let's hear from him, he's old enough for marriage, why doesn't he?" We all turn to look at Miguel upon dad's dig. He was silent, but you could tell there was a storm brewing behind his eyes.

"I just.. I just can't" He says with a low defeated voice.

"What is it you can't. You're familiar with the concept, marriage first, love later. You can get to know her and fall in love with her later" Dad explains as if it were the basic alphabet and we roll our eyes at his old ways.

"I- i just can't" He says one last time before his phone rings and he steps out of the charged room.

"Don't force him!" Mom warns. When she sees dad's eyes dart over to me, she counters "You already did that to one child. Nothing to be proud of!" She stresses her words and drags me by the arm out.

"He'll come around" Dad says lastly and she turns her head back "I said don't. Force. Him" with a finger in the air as a last warning.

We occupy our previous spots on the couch, this time gossip and chitchatting long forgotten, we were mulling over the interesting encounter of what had just happened.

I look over for my brother and don't catch him anywhere near. His mannerisms got me curious to say the least. He was all invested in the mafia, he would do almost anything to make sure we stay on top. I'd expected him to be more nonchalant about this, I think he's hiding something.

I see him pocketing his phone while entering the front door. "Miguel, what went on in there?" I ask.

He ruffles his hair with his hands and sighs loudly "Nothing". I waited for an explanation, more detailed answer but I didn't get one as he turned back and stormed upstairs.

"Wait up" I yelled behind him, but it was all in failed attempts. He didn't look like someone keen on talking at the moment.

"Not now. Just please not now" He says and fastens his footsteps upstairs.

I remain on the foot of the stairs, left to dissect the ailments of this family entirely on my own.