Half A Heartbeat Away

23

•Beckham Blackford•

We make it to the car and Hans opens the back door for us. I shoot him a nod as Lena enters first, adjusting Soir on her lap and I enter after her, seating a grinning Lily in mine. After that Hans put the car in D and starts driving out of the estate and onto the road. He needn't ask for directions or a location because I had already planned this out and installed the location in the gps of the car, he just needed to follow the directions provided by the screen in front of him.

We sit in silence. The kids were interacting with each other. It was mainly Lily playing with Soir and trying to get him to pronounce words other than his usual blabbering. Lena was sat with a smile on her face at the interaction. She looked at them with gooey eyes that shone brighter due to the moon's reflection on them. Our legs were touching since we were next to each other and the kids just pulled and gravitated towards each other, forcing us to become of closer proximity.

The drive was playful and fun and we reached the pizza place in under twenty minutes. We climb out of the car, and before Lily can go running off on her own, I stretch out my hand "Come on, take my hand Lily". I say and she saunters to my side sassily. It was obvious she didn't want to wait around outside, she much preferred to jog there by herself.

Lena laughs off at the pouty expression on Lily's face. She hands me Soir and bends down to be eye leveled with her.

"You know how dangerous it is for you to run off by yourself? You could be hit sweetie and I don't want to see my sweet girl hurt. Ok?" She explains calmly while caressing Lily's head. Lily nodded off understanding and pointed her finger in the way of the restaurant. Lena smiled at that "I know, we're going. You just need to wait for us too so we can all enter together, yeah?" She says and Lily nods again.

"So how about you hold your dad's hand and we can all go in together?" She encourages and Lily nods and clutches my outstretched hand.

Lena bounces back up to her full height taking Soir back from me, holding him to her side with one hand. To both our surprise, Lily leans in and intertwined both our empty hands together, the little devil. She giggles to herself and we start walking further.

It was first time holding hands with her. Hers felt soft but fitted perfectly nonetheless in mine. I could tell that it was a first for her too, since she was unsure and tried to wiggle her hand out, but I held it firmly and squeezed lightly in assurance. She stopped fussing around and held back while tightening her hold too.

My entire arm was shot by electrical waves at her touch. It felt oddly good to have her warm hand grasping mine. Just like the little family we portrayed, we entered the place and were immediately led to a secluded booth to the side by one of the staff.

The next two hours were spent on trying different kinds of pizza and toppings. Watching Lily scrunch her nose at anything that wasn't pepperoni and mushrooms. We ate, laughed, conversed and had a ton of fun great time. Soir whom was too young to try pizza was nursing on a bottle that Lena pulled out of her purse as soon as we sat. She came prepared I guess.

She was busy in trying to get Soir to burp that she didn't notice Lily was trying to get her attention to try out a new bite of pizza, only when she called "Mommy, try this!" She instructed and both our gazes froze on each other. It was her first time calling someone 'mommy' ever since the death of Celia.

Lena's eyes widened at the name. She froze in her seat and looked up at me for my reaction. I feel completely clueless as to what I should feel or do. Was it ok? Was it not? Will that mean Lily will soon forget Celia? I knew Soir was way too young so he wouldn't remember her vividly anyway, but Lily was already mature enough to remember what her mom looked like and to differentiate between her and anyone else. Does this mean she forgot about her real mom and out of confusion called Lena that? Or was it a designed decision and not a mistake?

I averted my gaze from her hot one and ushered Lily towards me "Come on Lily, I want to try it" I say and then feel Lena's gaze drop down to Soir, her face exposing nothing particular as what she felt. I knew we had to have a conversation about what had happened. The problem is, I wasn't sure what to say. Was I cool with this or not? I still needed to make up my own bloody mind first.

Something in the air shifted and the rest of the evening was spent in aversion and avoidance. The fun little outing turned into this awkward situation that made me cringe inwardly.

I thought we could go home after we finished with the pizza, but Lily insisted to get the ice cream we promised her, oblivious to the insufferable tension between the two adults. 

Getting ice cream, ironically, only intensified the ice in the air between us. She ordered cookie dough flavored gelato while Lily was having strawberry, I had plain vanilla and Soir was having little spoons once in a while by Lena.

After half an hour and three finished cones of tasteful ice cream, we exit the shop. This time Soir was in my arms while Lily wanted to hold Lena's hand. As soon as we exit through the glass doors, a chilly breeze of the night swirls and I wasn't that much affected by it. I notice movement beside me and Lena was shivering slightly as she and Lily shook their bottom lips. They did act a lot like each other, strengthening this notion of mother and daughter. I huddled Soir in his blanket tightly so he doesn't get a cold.

"Daddy, come on, Milly and I are freezing" She grinds her teeth against each other, and looks over to Lena to support her argument. The latter only tightens her hold on Lily and nods frantically in approval to her statement. If I had my blazer with me, I would've definitely taken it and landed it on her shoulders, but I hadn't brought my suit jacket with me. I made a mental note to not forget it again in case one of my girls gets cold.

We start huddling together towards the car that was parked on the side of the road. Hans notices our rush and hastens his steps to open the back doors for us.

"So, how was it? Chilly, isn't it?" He says teasingly and I give him a look that guarantees him shutting up for the rest of the ride.

When we get on, his phone dinged a few times consecutively, a thing that made me arch my eyebrows as to whom was he talking to at this hour and possibly all the time he'd been waiting for us. He apologized and muted his phone. I think I heard the silent vibration of his phone a few times more, but I decided to brush it off. He's probably texting some random chick.

When we settle inside the car, I settle Soir in his car seat as he was close to napping. Lily was beside him caressing his head while Lena was next to me rubbing her exposed thighs to protect her from the cold.

Lily notices and turns her head towards her "Are you still cold?" She asks while Lena nods her head frantically again, continuing with the rubbing motion to heat her legs.

"Then sit on daddy's lap, he gives the best warm hugs!".

Hans smirks at her innocence while Lena gasps at the suggestion and shuffles uncomfortably in her seat.

"Come on, go on" Lily instructs and  Lena bites her lip "It's ok, I'll jus—" , I interrupt her movement of getting herself warm and grab her by the waist pulling her to my lap sideways. Her hands hang around my shoulders while mine spread on her thighs, warming them up for her.

Her face was way too close to mine. Her lips only a few millimeters apart. I had to fight the strong urge to lean in and close the distance between us.

Her cheeks were flushed, it's either my technique was helpful at warming her up or that she was flushed for a complete different reason. I had my bet on the latter.

The dress she was wearing wasn't helping my case. It was short and flowy and provided way too much easy access. I kept my hands on the middle of her thighs and lower, making an imaginary line in my head to make sure not to cross.

My rough hands ran on her smooth legs back and forth while her manicured fingers were on the back of my neck, scratching my hair lightly.

"You're getting warmed up?" I ask with my mouth grazing the shell of her ear. Her scent was clouding my judgment, making me dizzy. She just nods in agreement and doesn't say anything else.

"Good".

The drive lasted about twenty minutes of pure agony with her plastered on my lap, hot and pretty but forbidden at the same time.