Half A Heartbeat Away

07

•Milena Blackford•

I woke up the next morning to the sound of ceaseless crying. Undoubtedly, it was Soir's cries that succeeded to tug at my heartstrings. He was most likely hungry again, or needed his diaper changed. I bolt up from my bed, not checking how I looked and went his way immediately. When I opened the door, I was met with the most adorable sight I've been blessed with; there stood Lily, grabbing a little toy in her hand trying to distract a wailing Soir. She stood next to his cot, on her tiptoes to reach the high mattress in order to be face to face with her little brother.

I entered, a grin displayed on my face from the angelic sweet actions of the girl.
"Good morning" I greeted and she looks up hopefully at me, her expression relieved in pleasant surprise. I go stand near her, carrying a thrashing Soir into my arms while rocking him gently like I saw Beckham do last night, till his cries gradually quiet down.

"Hi, Milena. Soir was crying, so I thought I can distract him with this toy but then he wouldn't stop crying"
She says looking at him, almost muttering the words to herself instead of to me.

"That's so good Lils, you're such an amazing big sister. But, whenever he's crying honey you can always come call me" I said while holding him with a hand and caressing the back of her head in the other. My hands seem to naturally split themselves between those two whenever they're both around.

"But I didn't want to wake you up. Usually daddy would come if he hears him cry, or whenever I have nightmares" She adds and I nod.

"I know honey, daddy loves you both so so much. But you know he's been quite busy, so how about we let him get his rest, and if anything bothers you, you come to me? We can go to the park, or watch a movie if you like" I suggest and her eyes grow in size at the mention of activities. She nods frantically, her face lighting up. I know they've been counting on Beckham for the last couple of weeks, and as much as he is doing an amazing job, I can tell he is tired. The man runs the mafia, and is there to supply each and every command of his two kids. He deserved a little break.

"Yes. That is cool. Thank you so much" She claps her hands and I grin at her reaction.

"I want you to know that whenever you face a problem or want to talk about anything, I promise I'll be there, feel free whenever you like, ok?" I ask while crouching down so I can be face level with her.

She nods eagerly and wraps her arms tightly around my neck. I was still holding Soir, so I feared for him to be crushed as he is still a lenient one year old, but he was still and quiet.

Lily retreats back and I speak up again "How about we get ready so I can make you breakfast? I can make chocolate pancakes or waffles. We need to freshen up and get changed first. I'm going to take Soir and freshen up myself then him. You think you can do that and meet me downstairs?" She jumps up and down in agreement.

"Yes!"

I could tell I had her at the word chocolate. It was endearingly adorable seeing her jumpy and joyful like this.

"Ok, how about we make a deal? We get fifteen minutes to get ready, and then we meet downstairs in the kitchen" I say and she starts shuffling to her closet looking for clothes.

"Ok, I'm leaving" I call out once I made it to the door.

"Ok, see you in a bit" She calls out, already in the bathroom brushing her teeth. She was extremely smart and well mannered for her age it surprises me; positively of course. I contemplated waking Beckham for breakfast, then decided against it. He probably hadn't had much sleep in the last week. He both needed and deserved a bit of rest. So I let him be, hoping he was making up for lost hours.

After getting both Soir and myself freshened up and ready for the day, I take him with me down to the kitchen and set him in his high chair, placing a random toy in his hand to keep him occupied while starting on the chocolate pancakes I promised Lily.

A few moments later, light footsteps can be heard trudging down and I smile as she jogged into the kitchen with a fresh attire and a wide smile adorning her face.

"Are the pancakes ready?" She asks enthusiastically with such interest while standing next to me, next to the stove; peaking upwards expectantly.

I bend down placing a kiss on her cheek "Almost done. Don't stand next to the stove while it's on, it's extremely hot. Go take your seat and it should be out right about" I encourage and watch her do as I said while flipping the almost golden pancakes one last time to add that little crunch.

Soon enough, I had Lily's breakfast in front of her, she munched on it with a little of chocolate syrup she seemed to enjoy a lot. Soir's bottle was also ready and he also appeared to be immensely hungry as he nursed on it nonstop.

Lily was telling me about her kindergarten classes and the friends she has while someone entered the kitchen. Not just anyone. It was him. It's like his fragrance was naturally stuck in my brain. I look up from the little girl who's talking and explaining to me what she did in the last few days and my eyes met with his.

He was dressed in a black suit from head to toe, wet hair signaling he'd had a shower. I remembered that I was dressed in casual jeans and a blouse with my hair messily tied in a ponytail. I cringed at the feeling of being underdressed in front of him; more accurately, compared to him. The kids' faces lit up upon seeing him, their never ending love for him awes me completely.

"Daddy, daddy! You have to taste the pancakes Milena made, they're so yummy" She exclaims while her face is covered with chocolate, it was sincerely funny. I look up at her with a genuine smile, glad that my cooking rose to her standards.

"I can see sweetie. I'm not hungry though. I have to go to work, and you and Soir need to be dropped off to kindergarten" He said in a monotonous tone, one that seemed to suck all the fun from Lily. She sighed and nodded her head while looking strictly at her plate of messy pancakes and fruits.

A weird feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Although he was in a rush, he could've brushed her off more gently and in a way that didn't crush her feelings to pieces. I'll make sure to talk to him about it if it were to happen again.
I brush Lily's curls away from her face "Come on honey, get finished so you can go to school". She nods and works off to finish the last bits of food off her plate.

We both seem to agree to ignore the other's presence. He stared at his phone in agitation, while I gathered the plates -including the one I set up for him in case he decided to join- and started washing them off, ignoring him the same way he did me. Although last night didn't end on a bad note, something cold shifted in his gaze. Like he was caught off guard and regretted it and won't let it happen again. It somehow tugged at my insides in sadness. I was probably thinking way too much and becoming delusional. It could've been anything, really.