Half A Heartbeat Away

20

•Milena Blackford•

My visit to my family had to be cut short due to apparent reasons. Everyone continued on to be gloomy and irritable for the rest of the day, so much so that I felt like I was suffocating. So much goes for leaving the house and getting a breath of fresh air. Ha, yeah.

I understood everyone's reasons for being mad. Father wanted his plan to sail smoothly for once without all the rejection and disagreement. Miguel was the innocent prey pushing back against the predator. I know my brother, he seemed really upset, I believe there's more than he let on. I just had to wait for the right time to chat him up and ask what's wrong. I still stand by my word, I believe he's hiding something. There's more to this than just plain rejection and nonchalance than it seems upon first glance.

Then there was mom whom had a clear stance as to where she stood. She was trying to protect her baby, even if it's at the expense of upsetting her husband. I guess once the base is broken it's broken. What are a few more problems to fuel the fire? She couldn't protect me from my father's reckless decisions, the least she could do was stand by Miguel and fight by his side in an attempt to not ruin his life or happiness.

The dynamics in my family were..interesting, for the lack of a better, more accurate well-describing word. Everything was dysfunctional and clashing in its own way. Mostly, I felt like we tolerated each other instead of unconditionally love each other, and somehow that made all the difference in the world.

For instance, I wouldn't be here, married to Beckham if father prioritized me over the mafia. Not going to lie, it turned out good for me. Way too good. Beckham is a decent man that treats me good and the kids were just incredible. But, looking back, it could've really turned out bad for me in any other situation if the cards dealt were different. We were playing Russian roulette and I just got lucky.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind for now, I open the front door to be greeted with the most wholesome scene ever. Beck was in the living room, seated on the couch, each kid on either side. They cuddled to a Disney movie. The all were dressed casually and I noticed the smell of food drifting from the kitchen.

I hung my coat on the hanger by the door and proceeded to advance to the living room.

"Hey guys!" I greet as I stand in front of them blocking the sight of the TV partially. At first Lily scrunches her brows, mad at whomever decided to interrupt, then bursts into a smile once noting it was me. Also, Soir brightened up and extended his arms cheerfully indicating for me to grab him.

"Hey Milly, I missed you so much" She expresses and I tell her I missed her too. That also too much.

"Come join us!" She then suggests and I can see Beckham eyeing me silently from his place.

"Well, I don't want to intrude. Do you have a place for me?" I ask looking at them expectantly. Lily immediately nods her head and scoots away from Beckham, making space over for me.

"Here! You can sit here! We're watching Muana, it's about to reach the good part, hurry!" She urges me with her hands and I move accordingly.

It just so happens that I'm sandwiched between her and Beckham. Our arms are touching. Scratch that, our entire sides are touching. I look over to see his reaction, finding he was immersed in the movie, so I let it be and relaxed back in my seat, my eyes roaming the TV screen as an important and vital scene was playing.

On the other side, Lily was holding my hand and haphazardly playing with the rings on my fingers while she watched the film. Soir, too young to understand, was also focusing on the TV screen while sucking on his pacifier silently, nestled into Beckham's other side.

Soon, Muana was finished and it was time to shine, meaning to watch Frozen in Lily's book. Although, we changed positions overtime. Soir was napping on a near couch with a barricade of pillows built around him to protect him if he moves in his sleep.

It was just us three on the couch. I was still by Beckham's side, while Lily was to mine. Although we weren't just touching sides. I was leaning on him, using his chest as a cushion. Meanwhile, Lily continued playing with my fingers randomly and watching the movie silently.

I yawned and Beckham seemed to notice, his lips brushed the top of my head "Sleepy?" He asked. I just nodded yes while fighting to keep my eyes open.

"You haven't eaten since you came back, aren't you hungry?" The smell of food I first detected when I came back was actually spaghetti. I mean yum, but I wasn't hungry.

I shook my head and said with a lowered voice "I just want to sleep".
He nodded and kissed the crown of my head "Then sleep". His hand that was on the back of the couch coming around me in order to play with my hair absentmindedly. I loved every bit of it. It was just so serene and tranquil, that I didn't feel it when I closed my eyes and fell asleep like that.

It wasn't that long when I felt the light of the tv turn off and I was carried upstairs by him. I absentmindedly clung to his chest and he tightened his arms around me.

He drops me gently on a silky bed and by the masculine smell of the sheets, I could tell it wasn't my room. In fact, by the distinct smell I memorized by heart now, I knew exactly in whose room we were in. My guess proves right when I peek one eye open in the dark and see him opening the closet and grabbing a shirt.

"Why am I here and not in my room?" I ask sleepily. Lily and Soir weren't here, there was no excuse for me to sleep in his room. So I was wondering what made him bring me up here?

"If you think you're going to sleep on your own and not have me keep an eye on you especially after the your condition for last week, you're delirious" He says while taking off his current shirt and putting on the new one. His back muscles were so prominent, the room shrunk thrice in size.

I fought the tingling in my stomach, not sure if it was caused by his affirming words or the naked sight of his back. Before he closes the closet he looks over at me "You look uncomfortable in that, here" and proceeds to throw me a casual shirt of his that I caught thanks to my quick reflexes.

I looked down at the clothes I was wearing..they were indeed super uncomfortable. But, I didn't want get up and go change.

He seems to get my line of thought and turns away, his back to me. I strip from my clothes "Don't look!" I warn, -leaving the undergarments on obviously- and pull his shirt on.

"You ogled me when I was changing, in my opinion you deserve the same treatment" He announces teasingly, clearly joking and I grow red as a tomato.

"I was not!" I counter, trying to save the remaining of my pride. I pull my hair out of the shirt and comb my fingers through it to untangle any knots before I sleep. He just chuckles and moves beside me on the bed.

I will and beg my palpitating heart in my chest to calm down and then I turn away from him and close my eyes.