¶𝗥𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗕𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗺 [H.S]

1.2

And then I was left alone. Alone with the two pink pills, cute enough to be mistaken for candy. And as long as I looked at them that much I missed the feeling rushing through my blood a year ago. I missed the carefreeness and happiness they gave me but I didn't miss the fear. The fear of relapsing, losing my family's trust, overdosing, and yet... wanting more. They made me feel good like no one else could.

They made me feel loved, accepted, and overall normal. But the same pink candies were the reason I was away the whole summer. And I didn't want to go back, I couldn't. But the taste of adrenaline still lingered on my tongue, itching my body to give it a second chance.

Licking my lips, I threw the small package in the bin, excessively wiping my palms over my jeans. I didn't have them on my bare skin but even having them this close made my skin itch. I sat on the bed, trying to calm down. My thighs were sweating as I tapped my foot rapidly on the wooden floor.

I had to leave. Not because of my curfew or to watch Aiden blow the candles, but because as long as I stayed here this close was I to make the wrong decision. A decision that could cost everything I accomplished for those fifteen months I stayed at the rehab center. It was already the end of summer, I had to wait until August, and then, when high school started, it was going to be easier to stay clean.

But then again, it felt wrong leaving the pills in her bin. What if her father found them and thought this was what he received for letting Aiden hang out with someone who used to be an addict? What if she gave it a try and ruined her life? What if my parents find out? I would never be able to be with Aiden again.

And then as I stood up to leave, my legs didn't let me. My brain was telling me to run back to my room but my heart was telling me to pick up the small plastic bag. Having it in my jacket's pocket didn't mean I'd take them. They'd be safe there and easier to get rid of without risking someone else's health.

The pink pills were inside my fist in my pocket until the end of the party. I watched Aiden as she blew out her candles, opened her presents, and enjoyed the end of the night. A few minutes before the end of the 27th of July, Liam, my big brother, called. The party slowly died as I and Aiden waited outside her house, waving at her guests.

She didn't want me to be all by myself.

I didn't too. I didn't trust myself with the candies in my pocket. And I understood that this was only the beginning of what was going to happen because as Aiden poured her heart into words of how grateful her birthday made her feel, I only could focus on the drugs in my palm. Scared was one word to describe how I felt but I liked the phrase what if I could control myself this time more.

God, I missed being reckless!  I missed having that rush in my life, doing what I want whenever I want. But even If a tried once again for the nostalgia, I would relapse and Hell knows what more.  I couldn't take them alone.

''Don't look like that at Aiden. She'd get upset if she thinks you don't like her,'' I spoke once I got in the passenger seat.

Aiden stood in front of her house, waving at us with a big smile on her pretty face, and Liam's grimace wasn't proper. She didn't do anything and he kept staring at her as if she was the cause of all our problems. And this wasn't something new, he always acted cold and distant around her, making me feel awkward.

''I don't fancy the Parker's in general,'' his voice was like a mirror of his feelings, and right now he sounded not even slightly impressed with them, or me.

Last year, I liked to gaslight him into thinking he actually fancied her and he was showing it by being unnecessarily rude. But when the world stopped being overly saturated, I stopped getting in his business. Liam not liking Aiden did upset me but I couldn't do anything about it, nor did I have the energy to do so.