¶𝗥𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗕𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗺 [H.S]

3.1

*unedited*

𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

Melanie spent five days at home. Kai visited her five times, each time staying an hour longer. Dylan visited her once but left in just ten minutes. On Saturday, she spent an hour in her backyard. She looked better than when I left her at the hospital. She smiled once, and that was when Kai joined her. I couldn't watch them cuddle and laugh, so I left before my anger could take control of me.

She was stuck in my head, keeping me awake at night. At first, I thought it would be a one-time thing, I would check on her so I could get rid of that awful dread I felt in the pit of my stomach, but then I found myself driving past her home every day.

On Sunday, she left her home in a white sundress. I followed her driver until they parked in front of a church. I was planning on staying in my car, hoping to see her when she walked out of the doors. But after a few minutes of biting my lip until it bled, I dragged myself out of the car.

I wasn't faithful. I wasn't dressed properly. In fact, I looked like a punk teenager who walked into Church just to use the bathroom. At least, that's how everyone inside the holy building stared at me. I didn't even notice the stares before an old lady told me where the bathroom was.

After following Melanie to a fair distance, I ended up in a large room with dozens of benches and a man dressed all in black standing on a podium in front of them. Melanie was four benches in front of me. I could only see the back of her head, but that was enough for me.

Being this close to her, yet so far had me wishing I answered her phone calls. She had called me twenty-one times in the past seven days. That was twenty-one lost opportunities to hear her voice and finally loosen up. It was like torture. Thinking about her, reading gossip about her, seeing her in my house when I got too drunk. That's why I didn't stay home a lot. This past week I spent getting high and drunk at Kelly and Zayn's apartment. Every other night I spent at home, somehow ended with blood on my skin because the memory of her was too unbearable.

But now, she was here. And my stomach was anxious. My heart was racing with my thoughts, and I was almost sure if it won, I would've died of a heart attack in a fucking Church. Pretty remarkable if you ask me. But not as remarkable as her. I could swear the room was filled with her scent. And the moment she walked inside, the room lit up. Goosebumps erupted on my skin every time I heard her voice when she spoke with the old grandpa beside her.

I was so fucking desperate for her. I was down for her to carve her name on my chest with a knife just to feel her touch. I was down for her to call the cops on me if it meant I would hear her voice in court. I was so fucking down for her, it was disgusting how pathetic I looked following her around.

But no matter how close I was to her, I wasn't going to answer her calls or go up to her. And the pain I feel in my chest is a good reminder of why I shouldn't get close to anyone. That's why I shouldn't get closer to Melanie. There is no room for love in this game. There isn't a heart capable of love in my chest. I do not get kind or gentle when I have someone in the back of my head. I get violent and mean.