That night in Monaco

Chapter 39

Tw: Mention of baby loss

"Summer Wedding"

I closed my alarm thirty minutes before it rang. The time was 8:30 a.m. but I couldn't sleep anymore. I went downstairs and made coffee for me and Charles. I hadn't slept with him yesterday to keep the tradition and for some reason it felt right. Having my own wing of the house to myself gave me the opportunity to think about everything that happened from the moment I met Charles. Walking back to my room I sat on the balcony while I was drinking my coffee. It was crazy how my life changed in one year. I will never forget the day I met Charles, that sunny Saturday afternoon in Monaco. I never thought I would meet him that day and when I saw him sitting on that bench made me unbelievably happy. Meeting your favourite driver is one thing but falling in love with him and actually marrying him is something utterly different. Everything happened so fast but even now I felt like I was living in a dream and I didn't want anyone to wake me up.

I always thought I was connected with Charles in some way even when I was 16 years old. I believed I understood how he felt in every difficult situation he has lived. I would never imagine that 9 years later we would be in this state. I love him so much that I would sacrifice everything and I would burn the world only to see him happy. I would do anything for him. The sun had just started rising and it felt like the world was being born once again. The wedding was at 7 o'clock in the afternoon so I had plenty of time before I had to start getting ready. I had decided to get ready alone whereas Charles would be helped by Arthur, Lorenzo and his mum. I wished his father would be here along with Jules. They would be so proud of the man Charles is today.

After I checked that Charles was asleep I went to the kitchen to have breakfast. The moment I stepped in the room I found Charles' mother drinking her coffee. "Good morning Anna. How did you sleep?" "Good morning Pascale. I slept really well, thank you for asking." "Of course dear. So, today is the big day. How are you feeling? Are you anxious?" she said when I sat down in front of her. "No. I wouldn't say anxious rather than excited." "I know how you feel. I felt the same way on my wedding day as well. It was the best day in my life after the days my boys were born." "Pascale can I ask you something more personal?" "Anything you want love." "How did you cope when Hervé died?" "It was the worst thing that happened in my life. Losing him destroyed me but I knew I had to be strong for my boys. I love them more than anything and I can't bear the thought of losing any of them. I remember how strong Charles was when he lost his father. Losing Jules and Hervé changed him. He became far more mature and responsible. I don't think he will overcome this."

"You know Pascale every time Charles puts on that helmet I pray to see him come home alive. It is mentally exhausting to feel anxious whenever he races. I am afraid that someday he won't make it." "Oh dear. I understand how you feel. I feel exactly the same but over the years I learnt to control my anxiety but I think that you should talk to him if it affects you that much. I know how much you love him Anna. I can see it on your face every time you look at him. You see your life in his eyes and it will kill you if you lose him. But I promise you won't get rid of him so easily. He loves you too much to leave you alone." "Thank you for the advice Pascale." "Now enough of this sad discussion. Today is a happy day." "You are right." "I want to ask you something too Anna." "What is it?" "I know that you want to get ready alone but I would love to help you since your mother may not come. Of course it is your choice and I don't want to pressure you." "I would love for you to help me. You are like a mother to me Pascale, I love you." "I love you too dear." she said and we hugged having tears in our eyes.  

After three hours I was sitting in the garden watching my wedding planner and her team setting up everything for this afternoon when Pascale came and sat near me. "Charles woke up just now. His brothers are still sleeping. He says he can't wait to see you tonight and he misses you." "I miss him too. I am looking forward to giving him his letter before the wedding." "He was talking about that the whole evening yesterday." "I can imagine. When do you think we should start getting ready?" "You shouldn't be worried about that. The make-up artist and the hairdresser will come in two hours so we have plenty of time to relax and not do anything." "Perfect"