Detour

52: Cole's Fiancee?

Bad news. Because of what happened last night (where I cried my eyes out), I overslept. I am utterly disappointed and still feeling bad for Cole who probably never had any good sleep from the last three days or so just to make this all happen. Also, I didn't get to pack a lot of clothes. I only bought my medium size duffel bag with me, and Cole with his backpack. It was hard to tell if he packed any clothes or not.

We arrived at the station past eleven. I couldn't keep an eye contact with him from the moment I woke up and we haven't had a straight conversation since then. I don't know if he felt that too, but I certainly do feel like the atmosphere has changed and I find it hard to approach and exchange words with him. I mean, we had a few words before coming here but... This time, I feel...a little distant.

And it's hard because I'm bad at hiding my emotions. I tend to stammer a bit or want to hide my face everytime he speaks a single word. I look away directly, or frown too much when it's his turn to look away. Truth is, I just didn't expect him to leave me after my honest confession last night. I still feel sad about his reactions and I don't know what to think anymore about what I wanted to see from him.

Just...what the hell happened last night.

At the back of my mind, I am slowly getting convinced that maybe Cole is just protecting himself from getting attached to me. It feels really awful looking back how he sounded like he didn't care and I just want to cry again. I'm here at the station feeling a different wave of confusion once again, but with a different person this time. And I think, this couldn't get any worst.

Especially when he's literally here, walking towards me after buying our coffees with a smile on his face telling me not to worry about our departure because we actually arrived at the perfect time.

"But you woke up really early for this." My eyes fell on my shoes. The train boarded after a couple of minutes after he handed me the coffee. "And you haven't had a good sleep."

He bring out two Chinese noodles from his paper bag, in which I think where all the foods he bought was. "Well, I always do wake up early." He smiled and it struck me that I instantly look away.

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with Cole?

He gave me the other one and we eat in silence, with our bodies facing each other. It couldn't get any more awkward than this and it's literally killing me inside, knocking my head to ask some questions or my eyes to cry it out-

"Astrid called earlier today, telling me she's bursting with excitement, she couldn't sleep last night." His eyes are pinned on his food and looks like he's also having a hard time to compose his sentence. Why? "I... couldn't sleep either." My head shot up. "...for different reasons."

That's right. Maybe Cole stopped our conversation last night because he was also anxious of coming home today and can't clearly find the words to excuse himself, or he just wants to prepare himself by sleeping early, or that he's actually been tired and thinking a lot of things and I just added up to them. Maybe he's...

Am I...this desperate to know?

Why am I confused now?

"I..." I started off. "I couldn't sleep either."

His eyes fell on mine.

And I lost my words. Those hazel eyes... "Maybe I'm just excited to go." I lied. I shyly smiled and finished my food. He didn't say any word after that.

It was awkward and I'm afraid of what I could say to him. I just decided to close my eyes and take a nap for a while. I can't resist the energy created between us. Hell, I can't even look around for so long from the window.