Detour

59: Jessie Shay

COLE.

"Not again."

I squeeze the handle so hard and revved up the engine of it until I lost the patrol as I drift into the woods.

It's a bumpy ride and this is what life is. Literally, this is what life also means to me. Riding my baby till my body aches in sunlight. It's not a girl, but it could be.

This life... it couldn't get better.

Though it gets worst everytime. It happened when my real Dad abandoned us. I only craved for that one particular love in return but I was given the opposite. My mom married again and I can only hope he can atleast treat us better, which is impossible because that man is an abuser and a manipulative piece of shit. I don't know how mom put up with him but as I grew up, I figured out I'm just being treated differently from anyone else. Mom is happy, my little sister is loved but behind closed doors, I'm the only one who's getting a punch and discriminations I never even heard from school.

But it didn't matter anymore.

All my life, I wished I had met a different father. After growing old of hoping he'd come back to us, I decided to find him my own. When I see him, then I can atleast stop hope for nothing and put an end to all of this.

I push the motorbike to Daniel's garage after washing off the mud. It shouldn't even be outside but I guess getting out of its comfort zone is also refreshing.

By luck, he was not here to scold me again like I'm one of his niece he babysits every Christmas. However, I'm lucky enough to have friends like him and Levi. It's only been a year since I moved to Amsterdam yet it feels like I was here for so long now. I've gotten used to the environment fast, which is great, but it's a different story when it comes to food.

I turned my back and called a cab after calling Daniel, to only hear it ringing. I wondered where he is and it only hit me when the driver asked me where I would be spending my Christmas Eve tonight.

"I can crash into my friend's house later if I like to."

So I see that idiot is really babysitting his niece.

The driver just merely nod and smile. He's an old man who owns white hair and wears a black cap. "It's not that hard to tell you're a teenager who ran away from home."

I just smile and look out the window. The people are getting busy for the occasion later while I'm just here thinking of the boring movies I'm planning to watch. "You should audition in Family Feud. You're good in guessing."

He laughed shortly. "I can really tell because those were the exact lines my son used to tell me."

I lay my head back and close my eyes. Suddenly, I feel tired with the illegal riding I did for almost two hours. "How come? He ran away from home didn't he?"

"He did." His voice came out lonely. "He called a cab one day and didn't expect we'd see each other. It was last year, and I asked him where would he be celebrating his first Christmas away from home." I open my eyes to only see his expression in the mirror, full of remorse. "He said those same lines you just said."

I don't usually talk to strangers but somehow, tonight, it felt like this man is speaking for me. It kinda felt weird. "Did he ran away for a reason?"

"I was not a good father to him." He smiled but his eyes are almost teary. "I only showed up late." He turned right. "I don't think he'll ever forgive me."

"Did you ask for forgiveness?"

He fell silent. "He don't want to see me again. I guess he hates me that much."