Lasting Love

Am I ready for this?

Justin's POV

It's 2 am and I'm woken up by loud cries from Kay's room. Jen was just up to feed her a few hours ago, and is now fast asleep. I feel bad for all the sleep she's been losing, so I quietly make my way over to the nursery trying my best not to wake her. Kay is laying in her crib screaming as loud as she can letting me know that she's pissed off about something. I gently pick her up and walk over to the rocker gently rocking back and forth. Her wails start to get a little quieter and the tears slowly stop falling from her eyes. She gently grips onto my finger for comfort as she falls back asleep. Something that she's been doing the past 2 months to help her fall asleep. I guess she just needs to feel the someone is with her.

Her breathing gets steady and she stops squirming around in my arms. I stare at her in amazement still surprised that I helped to make her. She gets her beauty and personality from Jen which is what I was hoping for. The minute we knew we were having a girl I hoped that she would mirror Jen's beauty. Her amazing eyes, natural brown hair and perfect smile. To me, there's nothing that I would change about her. Her motionless body lays in my arms sleeping peacefully and I start to feel my eyes get heavy. Not wanting go wake her I stay in the rocker rocking back and forth until I, too am asleep.

A few hours later, Kay starts stirring in my arms. I wake up to see her open her mouth about to start screaming. Knowing what's about to come I pick her up and hold her close to my chest bouncing her lightly hoping to calm her before the screaming starts. My plan backfires on me and before I know it her wails fill the room and my chest is covered in tears. I lay her down on the changing table after a few minutes and change her hoping that is what's upsetting her, but she doesn't calm down at all. Moments like these are what make me feel like I'm not ready for this. Like I'm not a good father if I can't even get my own child to calm down. All I can think is that I'm a failure and shouldn't be left alone with a baby by myself.

I hear footsteps getting closer to the room and shortly after see Jen walk in. She walks right over to me and takes Kay "How long have you been here?" She asks as she sits down starting to feed Kay. The cries immediately stop as she starts to eat and I begin to feel better about myself "Since 2. We both fell asleep on the rocker earlier."

She looks up a me smiling. The look of happiness she has whenever we're talking about Kayleigh "I guess that's a reasonable excuse for you not being in bed."

I walk over and sit on the edge of the chair and wrap my arm around Jen. We both sit silently waiting for Kay to finish eating and hopefully sleep for the rest of the night. We already know that having her is worth all the restless nights and we would do absolutely anything for her, but it's still hard on us. Much harder than we ever thought it would be, and neither of us are completely sure how to deal with it. We both love her more than we love ourselves and right now, that's the one thing that keeps us going.

A few hours later in the morning.

I roll over in bed expecting to feel Jen, but instead my hand hits the empty sheets. There are no other signs of her in the room and when I look at the time it's almost 8. She must he up with Kayleigh again, probably downstairs eating breakfast.

"Justin!" I hear Jen yell up the stairs for me. She's standing at the bottom with Kay in one hand and a mug in the other. I walk down the steps and kiss her when I get to the bottom then take Kay and bounce her around making her laugh. She looks up at me smiling her cute toothless smile and I take the bottle Jen is handing me to feed her. I take it and give her a confused look to which she answers that she needs to shower and can't feed her. She drinks the whole bottle in just a few minutes and I put her in her swing so she can take a nap while I eat. I honestly never thought a human a third of my size could control my life, but I'm starting to realize I was thinking wrong. My life is now not only controlled by feedings and diaper changes, but I've also changed in many ways. I have a family to take care of now, a child who depends on Jen and I to survive, a wife who is my best friend and I would do anything for her. Most importantly, I need to try my best to be the best father I can be.