Lasting Love

Hormonal rage

"Honey, what's wrong?" Kay has been crying for 5 minutes now, and I walk into her room like a zombie. I'm so tired it's ridiculous. Justin isn't much of a help either. This pregnancy has been beyond exhausting so far, and it's only been 3 months.

She puts her arms out for me to pick her up, and lays her head on my shoulder. Must just be a bad dream. She's been doing really good with sleeping all night. I sit on her rocker and slowly rock back and forth waiting for her to fall back asleep. She looks so peaceful as she sleeps, and for once she's quiet. I lay her back in her bed, and kiss her forehead "I love you," I whisper as I pull her blankets over her. She quickly falls into a deep sleep. I check on Ben in his room before going back to our room.

I lay down in bed and Justin immediately lays his arm over me, and mumbles, "I'll get the next one." Before we both fall back asleep.

Ben cries. He cries like he about to be murdered, and every few seconds yells "mama" along with the cries. I wait for Justin to get up, but after a few minutes realize that's not going to happen, so I pull myself out of bed. I don't know why they aren't sleeping tonight.

"I scared." He cries as I pick him up. I sit down with him and sigh. This could take a lot longer than Kay. He lays on my belly using it as a pillow, and looks up at me. I hold his hand and his breathing starts to slow down.

"You better now?" I ask him as he's about to fall asleep. He just nods, and soon after his eyes close. This didn't take as long as I thought it would.

"Don't worry, buddy." I whisper as I lay him down "Mommy and daddy will protect you." He curls up next to his pillow, and right away falls into a deep sleep. I turn out the lights and walk over to our room where Justin is sleeping in the exact same position he was when I left.

I can't take it anymore, he needs to deal with these things too. I know he's stressed because of moving, but I am too, and I can take care of the kids at the same time. He needs to wake up, and grow up. I want to wake him up, but I really am too tired to do anything, so I just get back in bed.

"Your sons awake again." I nudge Justin. It's his turn to get up, and Ben has been crying for 5 minutes now. He looks over and glares at me, but finally gets up.

"What's wrong, buddy?" I faintly hear him as as he walks into Ben's room. Ben doesn't answer, but just continues to cry. It actually makes me happy just because for once he gets to deal with a hard one. When he's crying like this it takes him forever to fall back asleep.

Justin walks back in the room looking pissed at me "If you were awake why couldn't you get up with him?! You know he wants you and not me!"

"Because I'm tired, Justin!" Before I get a chance to say anything else he cuts me off.

"You're always tired! That's your excuse for everything recently!"

I'm starting to get pissed. Does he think I'm just making this up? "I'm also pregnant, I'm supposed to be tired! The least you can do right now is help with things like this!"

"Well you could try harder to not complain about it all the time!" He sits down next to me in bed "You're the one that needed to have this baby so badly. I knew it wasn't a good idea!"

"Are you saying you don't want the baby?" I give him a chance to answer me, but he can't think of what to say. I jump out of bed and open the door "Fine then, I'll just go sleep in the other room where you won't have to deal with me." I walk out of the room to the small extra room with a bed and get in. Did I really pressure him too much for this baby? He said that he wanted another one too, right?

I open my eyes to the sun shining in the room at me. It's only 5, so the kids aren't up yet, but I feel very sick. I run to the hall bathroom where I lean over the toilet throwing up everything. Morning sickness is no joke.

"Jen?" I hear Justin walking towards the bathroom "Are you okay?" Obviously he's way faster at forgiving than I am. I still want to kill him for last night, but I'm too weak. He holds my hair back for me as I continue to puke.

"I'm fine." I get up off the floor trying to avoid eye contact. I just want to go back to bed.

"No you aren't, you're sick." He blocks the door so I can't get out "Look, I didn't mean what I said last night. Of course I want this baby, and I know that you're tired and I should help more. I'm just not good with getting up with them, but I'll work on it, I promise."

I'm leaning on the sink holding myself up. I really don't feel good right now, and he can see it.

"You need to come back to bed and relax. I'll take care of them today, but you need to take care of yourself." He wraps his arm around me and walks me back to our room. I want to fight him on it, but the strong urge to lay down and fall asleep wins. I lay down on my side of the bed and feel him lay down next to me. He lays his arm over and puts his hand under my shirt resting it on my small belly. The feeling of having him near me calms me, and I fall asleep quickly.