Lasting Love

What if?

What if Justin left me? What if I had to raise 3 young kids on my own? What if he decided he didn't want anything to do with them? I can't let them not have a father. What if it's all my fault that he left?

So many thoughts cross my mind. Justin and I had a fight last night and he left. It was one of those dumb fights couples have that turned into probably one of our biggest fights yet. He hasn't answered his phone, and all I want is to talk to him and know that we'll be okay. I don't care where he is, or what he did, I just want him back with the family.

I lay in bed feeding Lexie with Kay and Ben on either side of me. They don't seem too phased by Justin not being here, but they probably just think he's at work. I don't want to tell them anything, but I don't know what to do if he doesn't come home. What if he's decided that this life isn't what he's always wanted? What if he thinks it was a huge mistake to get back together after all those years?

What if, what if, what if?

"Mommy," Kay interrupts my thoughts "We're hungry!!" I carry Lexie since she's still eating and follow them downstairs to the kitchen. I notice the sink full of dishes I never got to clean, and the leftover food still laying out. Fights mess with everything.

"Watch your sister, I'll get you guys some cereal." I place Lexie on the floor for them to play with her and get what I need. They do what they're told, and I finish their food and take it to the table so that they can eat. It's then that I see an envelope with my name on it. I walk away from the table to read it.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I know we're both very stressed out. I needed to take a little break, but I'll come home after work tonight. I hope we can move past this."

That's it. That's all he said. That doesn't explain him not answering his phone or even looking at my texts. I want to move on from this, but he's making it very difficult. I wish he would just leave early and come home so we can get this sorted out, but it's probably best that the kids aren't around when he gets home. I don't like them seeing us fight unless it's over something little. They don't need to be in the middle of our problems especially when it isn't their fault. I can't think of this right now though, I need to help the kids with what they need.

"Momma you eat?" Ben asks with a fistful of cereal in his hand. He doesn't like to use spoons yet, but luckily I didn't give him much milk.

"I'm gonna make my breakfast now, buddy." He smiles as if that's his way of saying he likes what I said. I love how much he cares about other people, even if it is just a phase. It's very cute. I get up to make my breakfast when I know they're okay by themselves and make my breakfast. I feel little hand at my ankles and turn around to see that Lexie is playing with the strings on my sweats. She must've scooted her way over to me from where I put her. I pick her up balancing her on my hip as I finish my breakfast. She plays with my hair laughs at it for a while until I'm done and put her in her play pen so that I can eat.

"Let's watch a movie, you guys love doing that!" We can't think of what to do today, so this is the compromise. They decide on the movie they wanna watch and we all sit on the couch with some popcorn and a blanket. They're so cute all cuddled up together.

"Is daddy working?" Kay looks up at me. I think she can tell there's something different going on. I've been filming recently, so they're used to me working and not him.

"Yeah, he'll be home later." This answer suits her and she goes back to watching the movie. Ben leans on me as he falls asleep, and soon the girls follow him. I take turns carrying each of them upstairs and go back down to clean up after breakfast.

"Hey," I hear Justin walk into the room just as I'm done cleaning "Where are the kids?"

"They just went for a nap. We watched a movie and they fell asleep." I answer him coldly. I don't want him thinking he can come home and the fights are automatically over.

I feel his arms slide around my neck and my hair moved to the side. I look down to see a necklace laying on my chest.

"I wanted to get you something. I know it doesn't make up for what happened, but I felt like you deserved it." He wraps his arms around my mid section and kisses my neck. He knows it's something I can't resist.

"Justin, no." I pull away from him and walk across the room. He can't buy his way out of these things. I can't believe he thinks he can "You can't do this! You can't just leave over some stupid fight and think that you can buy your way out of this!"

"I'm sorry, Jen. I didn't want to make it worse by lashing out just because I was mad." He chooses his words carefully as if I'm threatening to kill him. I know that he's sorry, but for some reason I can't bring myself to forgive him like I want to.

"Look," he walks up to me and holds my hands "I love you and our family more than anything. Just the idea that I could do something to jeopardize our relationship kills me. I would never do something to break up our family, and I shouldn't have left. It was a stupid fight, and you were right. We should talk about our problems instead of letting the anger add up. I really can't tell you how sorry I am."

"It's not all your fault. I need to be more open about these things too, I just don't want these to become regular. We really shouldn't be fighting this much over stupid things that really don't matter." I look him in the eyes "I'm sorry for making you feel like it was all your fault. I hope you can f-" Before I have the chance to finish the words he's kissing me.

He wraps his arms around me pulling me closer to him as the kiss deepens. The suction between us is so strong I wouldn't even think of pulling away. I feel him pick me up, and we make our way to our bedroom. Making up is always the best part of fights.