Rightfully Mine

John's POV Chapter 10

After Kat and I parted at the lake, our relationship became nonexistent. She avoided me, and I did the same, knowing it was what she wanted.

She was back to avoiding my eye as well, but I didn't think it was intentional. Or at least, the motivation wasn't the same. I knew she had too much on her mind now to be thinking the same way at all. On the rare occasion when she did meet my gaze or when I saw her watching Jenny, I hated myself a little bit more every time, seeing the guilt and self-loathing so obviously etched on her face.

Each time, I resented Jenny a little more too. This whole mess was really all her fault. She'd been to blame from the beginning, but even leaving that part out, she basically pushed me to Kat by being so childish and spiteful. I might never have even discovered these feelings if she was the kind of wife she should have been.

I started staying away from the house as much as I could. During the day it was easy since there was always plenty of work to do. But in the evening, when I normally spent time relaxing after supper, I came up with projects that I had to do in the barn. Sometimes I skipped supper altogether, taking a sandwich or something I could easily eat outside.

I did my best to stay away until I guessed that Jenny would be asleep. Sometimes she was, and sometimes not. At first, she'd fake it if I came in while she was still awake, but after a while, she realized that something had changed. Probably because I wasn't even trying to talk to her or find out why she was upset anymore. I honestly didn't care any longer. I didn't want to know all the stupid things she believed to be actual problems.

She began trying to talk to me when I finally made it to bed. Sometimes she'd be sweet. Sometimes she'd try picking fights, and sometimes she'd try to seduce me. I guessed that she was trying to figure out what might get some kind of a response because I wasn't giving her one. I wasn't immature enough to outright ignore her the way she'd done to me countless times, but I wasn't much better. If she tried to fight, I'd quickly apologize for whatever it was, making it obvious that I was only doing it to appease her. If she acted sweet, I pretended not to notice. And if she tried to so much as touch me, I didn't give her any sort of encouragement. I did my best to discourage any kind of contact or communication, claiming that I was tired or had a headache or something else that she almost certainly knew was a lie.

Beyond being angry about everything concerning Kat, I was tired of her games. If she wanted to know what was wrong, she could ask me like an adult. It amazed me to think that she probably had no idea.

Although, I suppose I hoped that she wouldn't ask. Part of me wanted to tell her everything simply for the satisfaction. But I knew I could never tell her all or even most of it. Mostly for Kat's sake, but also for hers. Angry as I was with Jenny, I could never be quite that cruel. I would just have to be satisfied, taking it out on her this way and maybe one day I'd forgive her.

I wasn't convinced I ever would though. Even after two months, my anger hadn't lessened even a little. It grew. Jenny had given up trying to get a response from me. Instead she seemed worried and confused, and acted more subdued that I ever thought possible.

The only thing I felt was slight vindication and that constant anger.

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I wasn't sure what to think the day Kat slipped me a note during lunch. She wanted to meet by the lake again.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't hope that she changed her mind about our agreement to keep away from each other, and what else could she want? I doubted that she was eager to discuss what already happened, and if it was about anything else, she could say it at the house.